HA HA HA!!

I've had a really dorky day.  I mean, REALLY dorky.  Especially when it's come to the typed/written word.  This is a big deal to someone who is usually so meticulous about spelling and grammar in official documents.  Not so much in my own stuff...but yeah... you get the picture.

Did anyone see anything interesting in my last post?  I just went to look at it again... no special reason, just wanted to review what I'd already written... and I LAUGHED OUT LOUD!!

I almost corrected it, too.  But then I realized that the mistake was really too funny; it's gotta stay.

Have a laugh!

Activities

We had eye appointments on Monday for the boys, so 'bread day' got switched to today.  I made a lot less than I normally do, just because I'm almost halfway through the week!  I made white bread today for a change/treat, and also because I lost my favorite 'healthy' recipe last week - it's somewhere in the office here, buried...

This is what came out of the oven:

And this is what Dustin was doing for me while I was taking the bread out of the oven:

Today is also "towel day" for laundry.  I guess I'd better get on it, then.  Having a hard time getting going these days.

Tears & dreams

I'm so thankful I got a nap today.  It's been a tough day.  I've not been sleeping well at night for a variety of reasons, and the boys are running me ragged with their bickering, bugging, and fighting. 

I had a meltdown this morning.  Not a yelling/screaming meltdown, but a crying one, right there in front of the boys.  I was telling them how I'm really tired of telling them not to fight, how I'm sad that they're constantly hurting each other, etc... and then I just lost it.  

I sent them out to the van and went upstairs to change my clothes quickly... When I got downstairs again, and out to the van, Joshua said he was sorry and then told me, "Mommy, Dustin and I prayed to Jesus and asked Him to forgive us, and to help us be better brothers."

Awwww... flood of *thankful tears* this time.  They have been much better since then.

I had a dream while I was napping - that I wasn't in labour, but that I was in the hospital at 28 weeks and they were inducing me.  I don't take much stock in my dreams - I dreamed once when I was pregnant with Joshua that I had put our new baby in the oven (horrors!) and that he came out as a turkey for Thanksgiving.  I told you it was horrible!  Anyway, today's dream involved an induction - no baby came while I was still in dream-land, but all I was thinking the entire time was "This ISN'T in my birth plan!"

Grace.  I need a lot of it right now.  I feel overwhelmed with the projects that lay undone around me, with issues that involve a lot of undermining of a parent's authority, with exhaustion, and with doing this 'mom thing' right.  I sure do need lots of grace - one thing at a time... one step at a time... Praising God anyway through the storms...

Highlight of my day

There was a lot of fighting and stalling, etc, with the boys today, making it a tough day in a lot of ways.  After we took Joshua to preschool, Dustin and I headed to Karen's house for a short visit with her and her son and their brand-new 7-week-old puppy, Tucker.  What a cute little furball!!  

This, however, was the highlight of my day with the boys today... play-doh!!  Joshua did great, but Dustin, my darling, sweet, unteachable (read: doesn't like to *sit* and learn) Dustin, was a bit of a ham... I found these little alphabet shapes in the play-doh box and we made an entire alphabet.  Of course he refused to take any of the letters seriously, but whatever...we had fun, and I know these things are sinking in, somehow (he regularly breaks out in songs of things we had no idea he'd absorbed)...

Our play-doh alphabet fun:

27 weeks

27 weeks.  Yup.  Officially into my third trimester.

Didn't really want to work out tonight...but I did anyway.  There's a lot on the line... a healthy me (hopefully healthier than when this pregnancy started), a healthy baby, a quick labour & delivery ('cuz I don't want a repeat of Joshua's 25+ hours), and an event about 6 weeks post-partum that I want to take part in... although that'll be iffy since it involves a bike and lots of highway.  

Anyway, it was a good one... standard elliptical for half an hour, plus a cool-down tonight (I had time, so why not?) - then hopped into the pool for 40 lengths - my first 1000m swim in ages, and definitely my first without flippers!!  The first 350m were not so good, but then a switch went and suddenly the swim felt great.  So I kept going.  Glad I did.

Glad I went out.  I like reflecting while I'm swimming.  It goes something like this:

Lord, thank you for the freedom flexibility to exercise so much during this pregnancy.  Oh, I'm going crooked!  I am thankful for my boys... are they sleeping yet?  Help me to be a good & Godly mama tomorrow...to follow You and to heed Your voice as I train them up.  Did I just kick someone in the head?  Lord, how should the rest of my week look?  I can go to Bible study at our new church this week - YAY!  Where's the wall?  Touch - there it is!  Clock check - doing great!  No rest - keep going and working on the endurance!  Thank You for the ability to swim... I never thought I'd be *here* only a few months after starting this endeavor.  I'm so blessed!...

...and so on and so forth.  My thoughts are scattered, but it's better than no thoughts at all... 

I wonder if someone will ever come out with a waterproof iPod?

Skating fun

We built a little outdoor rink this year, and it's finally ready to use.  (We had some issues - very uneven ground!)  We were very lucky to have it NOT melt when the temperature got so warm for those few days.  We've been using it for a little while, but I took out the camera on their first outing on the rink:

Workout Woes part 3

Last night's jaunt to the gym & pool was much more successful!  I was a little upset over something that'd happened a little earlier, so I was ready to burn some stress in addition to just needing a redemptive workout.  Anyway, I started out with my standard elliptical half-hour...pulled an awesome workout there... and then I quickly changed and hopped into the pool and pulled another personal best for 30 lengths!  It...felt...great!

The 'woe' part of it... I kicked someone in the head in the pool last night.  I'm blind as a bat and I *think* someone was just trying to cross lanes to get out of the pool, because I wasn't sharing with anyone... and he obviously midjudged where I was or thought I'd seen him.  Anyway, foot met head and we were both a little shocked.  He was fine - thankfully an underwater kick isn't really that painful.  :)

Today is supposed to be bread-making day, but...the boys have eye appointments mid-morning and I'm not sure where to fit it in.  So I guess maybe tonight is bread-making *night*?  I'm not too eager to start bread right before naps; it'll ensure that I *don't* get a nap, which is not how I want the day to go!  I need every chance I can get for sleep!  The good news is that I still have some bread here from last week's bake.  So I'm good.

Wishing God would intervene in a situation... I'm so at a loss with how to deal with this person and her constant disregard for my boundaries.  I'm not that difficult of a person to work with, but when my kids are involved and she's deliberately messing with them, well, that's where I draw the line.  And I don't know how to deal with it any more.  I've tried and tried...but am getting nowhere.  So, yeah... definitely needing some extra wisdom & grace & peace here...

Workout Woes part 2

I didn't get out of the house till 9:05 last night.  Got on the elliptical - it's one of those gyms where you have to 'sign up' for your time slot on the machines.  Well, about 10 minutes after I hopped on, these two girls got onto ellipticals next to me.  

Background:  These are *really nice* Life Fitness ellipticals, probably cost thousands of dollars each, and they have a touch-pad screen/interface, with the option for a TV!!  (I just plug in my ipod instead.)

Anyway, the elliptical next to me had a TV that wasn't working so well.  It happens.  Fuzzy cable.  So she gets off her elliptical (she's dressed *goth*, totally not workout gear, and totally not serious about exercising) and hops on a different one.  One, I might add, that she hadn't signed up for a time slot.

The 60-year-old gentleman who had originally signed up for that particular elliptical came and asked her to move - that's pretty much courtesy.  You just don't take someone else's elliptical.  Anyway, a verbal scuffle unfolded, the 25-year-old girl was swearing at this poor guy who just wanted to use the elliptical... he went to get the manager, and she eventually was able to get the girl off the elliptical (thankfully not by force).  The 25-year-old girl was swearing a blue streak at the elderly gentleman...

Like, seriously.  

I suppose he *could* have gone to the other elliptical that she had recently vacated (he would've been more pleasant to work out beside than the goth chick).  But he had asked her nicely to move and she just tore a strip up and down of this poor man... Goth Chick eventually left altogether, all huffy and whatever, but the rest of us were breathing a sigh of relief.  Nothing like a little workout tension to add to the environment!

Anyway, so I had a pretty good elliptical workout - great warm-up for the pool, like I've done the last two times.  I felt awesome; worked hard.

Got into the pool, and felt uncoordinated, inefficient, etc... all the opposites of what I blogged about last night!  Go figure.

I lasted about 15 minutes and called it good.  I figured that I'd done well with 45 minutes of hard work; I could forego the last 15 minutes without guilt.  My baby was also telling me *enough*, too.  It was really late.  And I ended up in a lot of pain last night from...??....I dunno, but every single movement hurt until I finally fell asleep around 3 a.m. 

I'm a little groggy today.  Oops.

Today - church.  Really looking forward to it.

This afternoon - naptime.  Really looking forward to it.  :)

Tonight - G's dad's 60th birthday party.  Not in the mood for socializing, actually, but I'm sure it'll be fine once I'm there.

I've had all of 3 people touch my belly in the past week.  All were *the right* people... there are certain people that I'm not a big fan of to touch my tummy.  Oh, Joshua and Dustin would make 5 people.  And they're in the *right people* category.  :)  Am I wrong to want my space?  I mean, seriously, it feels like so many people think a swollen belly is an invitation to touch...that's my very personal space, thank you very much!  Thoughts?

Workout Woes

Tonight I'll go back to the gym.  This week has been terrible for workouts... lots of work stresses, me having to work again, me tired, kids grumpy, etc.  So I think I maybe did one workout this week?  Was it Sunday?  I can't even remember.  Nice.  The good news is that the previous week was *awesome* for workouts!

Tonight I'll go back.  I have an elliptical here, and a weight gym, but the *best* swim days (read:  most lanes are free and I don't have to share) are Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  And I've discovered that warming up first (i.e. elliptical or 'dry land' exercise) greatly improves my coordination, efficiency, and speed in the water.  And I'm not half-frozen for the first 10 minutes.  So I go upstairs to do half an hour of good cardio, then quickly change and hop into the pool for 30 lengths.  That's the plan tonight, anyway.

I also find that lack of exercise = more cravings.  The bad kind.  Chocolate.  Peanut butter.  Buttery popcorn.  Anything with sugar or salt.  The stuff that weight gain is made out of.  When I work out, I'm a little *better* mentally and don't even have to battle the cravings.  

But when I'm tired & somewhat stressed out, it's harder to exercise.  

So I eat more & eat worse.

Vicious cycle.

Slightly diff't note: 

I know a couple of you have the Concept II rower... did you use it at all during your pregnancy?  After Paige's recommendation, I got a rower almost 2 years ago.  I LOVE IT!!  But I stopped using it around the 10-week mark of this pregnancy - I got really sick (I'll never forget that particular illness - horrors!), and I was worried about squishing the baby.  *grin*  However, I've read that a lot of women actually row until quite late in their pregnancies?  Thoughts?

I needed to be in here doing office work as of 4:00 this afternoon.  Graeme was supposed to be home between 3:00 and 4:00 today (he had to work).  He got home sometime after 5:00... then I got a few minutes (literally), then I had to make supper & clean up & do a few other things... and here it is, 8:05 p.m.  Just sitting down again.  I need to jet around 8:30 (unless I want to be up ALL night) so I can get to the gym/pool.  

Let's see what I can accomplish in the next 25 minutes...

Here & there...

The boys are back to 'normal'.  Woot!  

Joshua asked me after supper if I would snuggle him for a while - who would say no to such a sweet request!?  So we snuggled, Dustin came along, and we all read books for about half an hour.  Book after book after book.  Joshua was snuggled right in, with his hand resting on and rubbing my ever-expanding belly.  He's said to me a number of times over the past days, "Mommy, your big tummy is pretty." - (Note: not to be confused with "Your tummy is pretty big." - ha ha ha!)  Or, "Mommy, I really like your tummy."  Dustin likes to lift up my shirt just enough to get to my belly button (which is starting to disappear!), and give kisses to the baby.  Then he'll get the urchin-look going on and blow raspberries to the baby.  I love it.

My polite boys are back.  Instead of, "Mommy, I need...." with whining & complaining, I'm getting, "Mommy, when you're finished what you're doing, may I please have ______?" or whatever the request may be.  Oh, it is SO much easier to fulfill sweet requests like that, respectfully presented.  Even Dustin is learning how to get action out of his mama by being polite.  Everyone is happier, and the boys know they are making SO much more headway this way.  

No fights with naps.  No fights with food.  No complaints if I say 'no' to TV.  And lots of "thank-you's" when I say "yes".  Lots of faster obedience, resulting in more time to do the fun things.  They 'get it' today.

These are the days that the rewards are evident.  The days when I feel like God is affirming my role as a mother and rewarding my efforts.  The days when everything seems to fall into place.  The laundry is done, the ironing is done (gah!), the dishwasher is running, and I've had the evening to relax and read baby name books.  (Graeme is out with his brothers & his dad at a symphony thing for G's dad's 60th birthday gift.)

Days like this, I feel like I'm going to be OK.

Tears

If my heart is stirred so deeply with Baby Brennan's first birthday - a wee boy who was taken to be with our Heavenly Father before he took a breath on his own - then how much more is Brennan's Mommy's & Daddy's hearts stirred with emotion?

And if our emotions are stirred so deeply, then how much more deeply does our Heavenly Father care about what happened a year ago?  How much deeper is His love...?

Happy birthday, sweet Brennan.  I can't wait to meet you one day.  

May the God of all peace comfort your Mommy & Daddy today, especially.  May He provide every grace to you today, Brian & Jen.  Grace to love, grace to grieve, and grace to hurt.  Sending hugs your way in bloggersville!

I'm trying!

Today has not started out much better than yesterday - Joshua jealous that Dustin would dare to wake up so that they could both have breakfast with Daddy (Joshua wanted Daddy all to himself).  Fighting.  Being too rough and hurting each other.

I set them to playing separately.  We had peace in the house for about half an hour.

Then it was time to get dressed.  And have snacks.  More peace.

Then we decided to make muffins.  Well, I decided to make muffins.  Someone is coming to babysit today and I wanted to have something here for her and her son.  The boys helped make cream-cheese filled french vanilla cupcakes. They are in the oven right now and they smell goooooood.

It's been stretching.  I'm ready to stop stretching, just for a few hours.

Today:  eye appointment, chiropractor appointment, erranding... hence the babysitting.  Karen is awesome.  It'll be a pretty easy stint for her, too - she will come around 1:00, the boys will go for naps right away (if not already in bed!), and will wake up around 3:30 or 4:00.  I'll come home by 5:00, but Graeme might be here sooner.  

Prayer while I was in the shower this morning (sometimes it's my only *quiet time*):  "Lord, give me the grace to deal patiently with the boys today.  Give me insight into their behaviour and help me to help them change it for Your honor and their benefit.  And help me not to 'lose it' in the process."

So far, not bad.

Going Crazy

It's been a tough couple of days.  Graeme's been short-staffed at the pharmacy again, so for the past two Tuesdays, I've been going in to do the blister-packing.  It's a long day, but I'm done now; next week someone else will cover it.  But I'm just so exhausted!

I also find that the Wednesday following a workday is a really....hard...day... oh my goodness.  The kids have been at Gramma & Grampa's all day the day before, don't nap properly (not because they couldn't, probably, but because it's not enforced to our 'normal' routine even remotely in many cases), and so by the time I get them back, they're exhausted and crabby.  And therefore disobedient.  And defiant.  And contradictory.  And... You get the picture.

This is the big reason why I don't *work* outside of the home.  I'm so exhausted by the end of the day, and the kids get all out of sorts, and it takes a LOT of energy and mental stamina to get them straightened out.  Not directly blaming Gramma & Grampa (except for the general disregard for certain parts of the kids' routines), but when the kids are thrown off, well, it's Mom who gets to clean up the mess. 

Anyway, so today has been very draining.

I'm also trying to work out some other plans... needing to move on from some things but unsure of how to extract myself from them.  

Offered *help* has not been very *helpful*, mostly because when someone asks how they can help, and I tell them, it suddenly becomes this big discussion and debate about how they should do this or that instead.  No thanks... done with that.  I'd rather do it myself, than deal with the stress of well-intentioned people who actually seek to make my life MORE complicated with their *help* rather than less.  Graeme said it well one day to one such person, who said that the scenario posed leaves nothing in it for her (which was not true, by the way)... he gently said, "I didn't think your offer of help was really about you."  

I know that might not make much sense to some people... 

Anyway....

That's my rant for the day...

I think I'm going to try and nap now.  Had a good sleep last night, but it wasn't enough, apparently!  Maybe we'll all wake up happier...

Who said you can't teach boys to make bread?

This is how we spent our morning.  The guys LOVE helping Mommy bake, but today was exceptional for them - they got to get REALLY messy!!

The boys in their little aprons:

Ready to get started:

Proof that I was actually there:

Joshua squeezing out the honey - very meticulous!!

Dustin dumping the molasses, and Joshua saying "Eww!  What IS that?"

Now the messy part begins!  We mix the first part of our batter with a mix-master - the oatmeal, wheat bran, wheat germ, cracked wheat, honey, molasses, yeast, salt, 1-2 cups of flour, and the water.

It gets a little loud for Dustin.

Ick.

I gave them each their own little chunk to knead.  They were SO happy doing this part, too!!  I honestly can't believe they stuck around for this long!!

Their little pieces ("buns", as they called them), and my big hunk 'o dough.

That was hard work, mama!

So tired they're a little giddy:

The victors & their spoils!!

*snicker*

I came across this...randomly...through a blog of a friend of a friend of a friend of a... well, you get the picture.

I can't believe I giggled!!

Check it out here:  Great Hair Fire of Christmas Eve 2008.

(For some reason I can't get my links to underline in the post, but if you put your mouse over above title "Great Hair Fire..." - you should be able to click on it and it'll take you to the story...)

Double Digits

99 days.

Give or take... usually I take a little extra.  :)

That gives me 99 days to establish strong laundry routines - strong enough that the boys can do much of it.

99 days to come to grips with a number 3 - I still have my days of being in denial.  Can't deny the reality of a wiggly little love-bug in my tummy as s/he wiggled ALL through church today, making mama go buggy and restless.  

99 days to exercise and prep my body for what will hopefully be the best labour I could ever hope to have.

99 days for Graeme to ground himself in work - more changes on the horizon (*sighing*)...

99 days to finish off several projects - work on scrapbooking, help prep our camp's 60th anniversary (complete with family camp), finish purging & cleaning house...

99 days to make new friends in our new church so that I can have some people to fall back on.

99 days to 'big cook' my way into a cooking-free summer.

99 days to re-establish my routine with spending quality time in God's Word... more than a passing "Oh God, help me" or "Thanks for _____..."

 

99 days.

'Tis not a long time!

What a day.

It was the most bizarre, odd, strange, crazy morning.  Almost as bad as Paige's hook-rug story.

We woke up to the boys playing in the hallway outside our room.  No big deal, this is pretty common.  They'd slept in anyway, so we were OK with them being up.

Then Dustin started making some noise that bothered Joshua.  J couldn't get D to stop, so apparently J hit D or something to that effect.  Whatever it was, D started crying, which escalated to a bit of a scream.  He came tearing into our room in big old tears and sobs.  Normally when he gets hit or hurt, he cries for maybe 5 seconds.  Even if he falls from something high and bashes his head.  Dustin just doesn't carry on.

He snuggled on me for about half an hour in bed, sobbing and writhing in pain.  Turns out that in the 'hit', J had also pushed D against the wall (accidental - the hit was the only intention, not the push), and we *think* that D smacked the side of his head & ear on the trim around the bathroom door.  But he just wouldn't stop crying.  Every time I tried to move him, adjust, or just plain sit up, he'd writhe and scream all the more.

Finally he settled...as long as his head was firmly pressed on our chests, or his hand was pressing firmly on the owie.  

This is how he ate breakfast:

That was about 2 hours after the original mishap took place.  Seriously - Dustin NEVER snuggles like this, nor does he cry for as long as he did - not from being hurt, anyway.  He ate dry cereal one-handed from Daddy's lap.  We had considered taking him to the hospital, and just as we were bundling him up, he perked up a bit and started walking normally (he was a bit loopy for a while and very unsteady).  The behavior was just SO unusual...  Anyway, his hearing is fine, his head is fine, and all is well now, although he was a little fragile for the rest of the day.

Then... just as Dustin perked up, Joshua calmly called me, "Mommy, I need some help here, please."

I turned my head, and this is what I

 saw (I took the picture while Graeme went to get some tools):

After we tried the soap trick, the oil trick, and the plain old 'tug it off' trick, we went for tools.  Daddy thought a hammer and chisel would work to split the wood so we could pry it off of J's hand.  No such luck.  The vibrations made J scream.  It was at this point that I took the next picture - J told me I could - I'm one of those mamas who capitalizes on moments:

So Graeme tried drilling a small hole so we could get a screwdriver or something in there to pry it apart.  No such luck either (that train track is TOUGH!)

He suggested to me that he could try the jigsaw... Joshua knows what a jigsaw is, and screamed "NO!" - he's seen what it does to wood in a very short period of time.  By now Joshua's finger was swelling nicely and turning purple, and I was having visions of hauling HIM to the hospital instead.

Finally, Graeme went out to the garage and got his coping saw.  That thing worked like a charm.  Cut through it like butter.  We just sliced off one of the sides right by J's finger, and it came out perfectly.  

Graeme did not make it out his mens' breakfast.  He actually said he was going to head out to Future Shop after all had settled down, to which I replied, "You are NOT leaving me alone with these kids today!"  He went at naptime instead.  :)

It was just too bizarre today.  At least the rest of the day was pretty mishap free...

Tidbits

In no particular order, from the last 36 hours or so...

...I almost had to toss an entire huge batch of soup that I'd made and left in the pot out in the garage.  It had frozen solid, which is no big deal...I was breaking it up with a knife, in the pot...then suddenly I looked at my knife, and the tip had broken off.  Some quick thinking with a strong fridge magnet found the tiny piece, and I didn't have to toss the batch.  I snatched the tiny fragment on my third portion-container that I was divvying up for Graeme's lunches, right on the outside of a big frozen chunk.  Nine servings, saved.  Whew!

...I overdid it at Costco today.  Needed flour (20kg bag - around 45 lbs - I didn't even know they made them that big!!  But I'm huge into making homemade bread right now, so it's all good), some veggies, yogurt, ground beef, fruit cups, KD, popcorn seeds (8 lb container - we love popcorn), oranges (13lb box), spaghetti (10lb box), toilet paper, spaghetti sauce, mayonnaise, apples, ketchup... you get the idea.  Add to that two children in the front of the cart, combined weight of 70 lbs... I did the math because I was curious, and I was pushing about 225 lbs in a shopping cart through Costco by the end of the trip.  Try pushing that through a snowy slushy parking lot, too... My lower back and abdominal split are protesting significantly tonight.  Next time, I'm bringing a friend to do the pushing for me.  Good thing I only do a Costco run once every 4-6 weeks.  

...The boys are officially old enough (both of them!) to enjoy snowball fights.  We spent 2 hours outside tonight building forts, having snowball fights, playing hockey, and sledding.  

...Dustin likes to make words more difficult than they really should be.  For example, he calls marshmallows "shmalellows".  Today he called Costco "Scos-co".  Go figure.

...I've started a laundry schedule.  So far, I'm 5 days into it, and it's been going well.  Mondays are kids' clothes, Tuesday are bed linens, Wednesdays are dish towels and regular towels, Thursdays are adult clothes (as in Graeme's and mine), and Fridays will be baby clothes (if this one spits up as seldom as Joshua, that'll be once every 2 weeks.  If Baby spits up as much as Dustin, Fridays will not be sufficient).  Saturdays are miscellaneous catch-up days, and Sundays are off.  Theoretically.  Diapers every night.  Joshua loves gathering the towels up, and dragging baskets of laundry all the way down the stairs.  All of a sudden, laundry isn't such a daunting task.

...I'm looking forward to organizing other things, too... bread-making day, regular grocery run day, etc.  

...Been thinking tons about the next 3-4 months...I have 101 days left until my due date.  

...Been sick.  Slept all of about 5 hours the last two nights, and was lucky enough to get a nap yesterday for a couple hours, although not so lucky today.  I'm blaming the nut that rang my doorbell just as I was falling asleep.  I could've wrung the person's neck... I didn't get up to see who it was; I wouldn't have been very cordial anyway.  Anyone who knows me and lives close enough to visit would know that 1-4 p.m. is completely off-limits for phone calls and visits.  Although, I have had someone phone me two days in a row right in the middle of naptime...  same person...but her eldest doesn't nap any more so I guess she thinks that mine shouldn't either, and that I'm up anyway...I wish I could turn off the phones but still have the caller get voice mail.

...Having company tomorrow night for dinner.  Spaghetti, sauce (goes without saying?), caesar's salad (with home-made dressing!), and garlic bread.  Need to think of something for dessert.

...Christmas is FINALLY undecorated here.  Last night.  Too big of a job.  I wanted to simplify this year, but Graeme wanted to go 'all out' again.  Hmph.  Call me scrooge if ya want, but seriously... 

Time to go toss some diapers into the wash!

Body Parts

A couple of funnies from yesterday, courtesy of my boys:

First thing in the morning, I decided to put on a bra.  You know, a normal daily decision.  I don't let the boys watch me dress, but they do know what a bra is.  Joshua asked what I was doing, so I told him.  On the way down the stairs, he's holding my hand, and declared, "Mommy, I know what a bra is for!" 

"Oh?"  I asked?

"Yeah.  It's for holding the, umm," (he pause as he struggles for the proper word) "...milk bags up so they don't leak!"

He knows what they are, really!!  We do teach them proper terminology, honest!

Second scene:  after bathtime.  Dustin is a good little potty-boy now most of the time.  He is finally starting to initiate his own bathroom time, though, instead of me prompting him all the time.  After bathtime, I took D out of the tub and handed him, wrapped in a towel, to Daddy (I was in the middle of cleaning the bathroom, and, ironically, the potty).  Ten seconds later, a very naked Dustin comes racing in, pinching the end of his, well, you know, with all his might, exclaiming that he has to go potty.  I quickly finish up with the now clean potty, he parks his cute little bottom, unpinches himself, and lets a good stream of pee go.  

I guess he was literally "holding it in".  What a  guy!

Yesterday's appointment

All is well in baby-land.  Dr. B was able to find the heartbeat right away, which was a nice change from last time's traumatic wait.  The baby had been sleepy all day, but as soon as he put the doppler on my tummy, the baby kicked him good and strong... and then twice more after that!  

Then I sat and had a good long discussion with him about my previous experiences in the delivery room.  What he said confirmed my every suspicion - nurses push the epidurals because it makes THEIR jobs easier, not because they have your best interests at heart!  Wow, hey?  

Anyway, we talked about other things, too - and by my previous reference to "good long discussion", I mean a good 15 minutes or so.  And he SAT DOWN while we were talking!!  That is completely unheard of in my little world of ob/gyn's!!  Usually it's a quick tummy check, quick measure, and with one hand on the doorknob, ask if you have any questions.  This has been refreshing.  I have no doubt that God led me to this particular doctor.  I feel so much more at ease with him, and that he's approachable.  While the end result still may end up the same, and I'll still end up with a baby, I feel like there's at least a ray of hope that this overall experience can be different.

In other news...yesterday I had to work again.  Graeme was short-staffed, so I was doing pill-packs all day.  It was a loooooong day, and my head hit the pillow fairly early last night.  Slept decently, but now I've picked up the cold that the boys had last week.  Oh well.  I don't think it's going to be a doozy, but I still feel pretty wasted.

Onto the day - Wee College & Playradise today!

25 weeks

5/8ths of the way there.

So I've been doing some good reading on natural (non-medicated) childbirth... and am learning some VERY interesting things... things that I'd only WISHED I'd known the first two times around.

Like, the last 2 cm go really fast, generally.  (I gave in to drugs around 7cm with J, and I can't remember with Dustin.)  Makes me wonder if I *could've* made it, and avoided the gargantuan needle in my back (which I've always had a twinge of regret over)... and avoided the after-effects - like the monstrous headaches and the insane itching of a thousand mosquito bites.  Or even the grogginess of my babies where they had to go and have special things done to them after the birth.  Perhaps they would've been groggy anyway, but with the research, you have to wonder...

Or, like some of the specific questions you can ask your hospital caregivers when they want to "intervene".   I resent that they make you feel like you *have* to do certain things.  Now I know some of the questions I can ask to find out if the interventions are really necessary...

...and a bunch of other things that I can't recall right now.  I'm reading "the birth partner" by, umm, can't remember the author... but I've read it through (sort of) once, and plan on going through it more thoroughly again, highlighting, sticky-noting, etc.  

I know that NCB isn't for everyone... and that many women can't get through without some sort of pain intervention.  I have a friend who has "a little pressure" throughout her whole labour, laughs through to 10cm, and never has a single pain even when pushing.  Everyone has different tolerances, so I'm certainly not going to judge... goodness, even I didn't make it through with my first two guys.  But this time around, I want to be as educated as I can...so that I can make the right decisions...so that I can know that *I* was the one making the decisions about the interventions.  (Of course, medically necessary is a different story altogether, but most interventions are not medically necessary...)

So, I have 15 weeks to educate myself even more.  All I know is that I don't like the big needle.  Like, I *really* don't like it.  

Belly pictures

OK, OK, I give in...

Here's a belly picture!

And another...

I got Graeme to take a belly shot of ME today... and I hated it.  So I'm not posting it.  I've never been into "me" belly pictures.  I carry my babies quite inside, not 'out front' or even 'side to side' very much in the first 3/4 of the pregnancy... they hide.  Which means that they're taking up all my internal space.  Which means that all my organs are pushed UP and OUT more than *normal* pregnant women, so I look pregnant up really high, when the Baby is only a couple of inches above my belly button (so I'm told).

So I think I look really funny in a sideways belly shot.

So you get belly shots of my dearest Dustin (will be 3 in April), who concocted this idea of how Mommy is going to walk when the Baby gets really big.

I think he got it pretty good, don't you?

Better than my own belly shot anyway...

Today...

...the boys slept in till 8:30.  WOW!  That means that we got to sleep in, too...

...I have conquered a template/chart/thingy that Graeme wanted me to make for the pharmacy.  Good thing it's billable hours!  :)  I'm good at charts, but this was insane...

...I have a roaring fire going in the fireplace...

...I plan on reading a new book I got in the mail yesterday...or at least starting to read the book...

...I will clean my office some more...

...I am going to a post-Christmas staff party for Conrad's 3 stores...

...I am alone for the morning - Graeme took the boys out for a special breakfast date to A&W (gotta love 2 for 1 coupons!)...

...I am thankful.

I Won!

Paige tagged me... yup... 

Here are the rules to receiving this award:

You have to pass it on to 5 other fabulous bloggers in a post.

You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post.

You must copy and paste the rules and the instructions below in the post.

On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them.

My addictions, in no particular order:

• Sweet and salty anything.  Not always at the same time.  Depends on the day.  One day I might not be able to get enough ketchup chips or salty popcorn, and the next day it might be chocolate or cinnamon toast (with sugar).  It's horrible.  I'm getting a grip on it...for the last 3 days, anyway.  I'm really tired today and I usually give in much more easily when I'm tired and functioning on 5 hours of sleep in 3 nights.
  
• The internet.  There.  I've admitted it.  I stalk people on facebook, and I stalk my favorite blogs.  :)  There MUST be help for this sort of addiction, 'cuz seriously...some days it's outta control!!  As in, it's only the 8th of January and this is already my 8th post.  That's one a day, fer cryin' out loud!  And they're not even of anything terribly useful!!
  
• Giggles.  I love changing my little guys (or helping them get dressed), and nibbling parts of their bodies.  Belly buttons, armpits, clavicles, toes, hips... I love the hip bone - gets them going in their full-out belly laugh.  It's awesome.
  
• Birth stories.  I love reading other peoples' birth stories.  The grittier, the better, but not toooooo graphic.  *grin*  Graeme wonders what on earth it is about birth stories that intrigues us women.  I don't know.  It's not that we like to read about other women in pain; it's just... well, I don't know, actually.  But I'm a birth story junkie.
  
• Prison Break.  Totally not a girlie show.  When Graeme started watching it 4 seasons ago, I told him that I'd sit and watch for 5 minutes but that I had a ton of other work to do.  Besides, it's a *guy* show, and I'm not into those.  Well, here I am, in the middle of the 4th season.  I've gotten Graeme seasons 1-3 on DVD over the last couple of years, and we're re-watching all of them right now.  Some of the language and violence is disturbing, but I'm addicted to PB.  

So, I know that Stephanie and Jess have been tagged, as well as Jen... but I'm re-tagging them, since I don't have many actual blogger friends.  I'm also going to tag Tama, Sarah and my other friend Jen.

Foggy

It's really foggy outside.  I can hardly see the back of the yard.  Wow.

That's not quite the fog I was referring to, though, in my subject line today...  

Interestingly enough, two nights ago when I went swimming, I had this vision of what it would be like to not have PPD or to be even-keeled much of the time, and it felt GOOD!  

It's so much easier to envision when you're feeling healthy and well-rested, though.

Two nights ago (hmm, the night after my swim?  Two nights after?  I can't remember), Dustin got sicker.  He'd had a fever for a couple of days, but nothing too serious.  Then he started this deep body-wrenching cough.  That night, I got to bed around 11:30 or maybe midnight, but I've been dealing with restless legs, so I was *just* about asleep when Dustin woke crying & coughing and heaving at 1:00 a.m.  I was up with him for a while, settling him.  Then everyone fell back asleep for a while.  At 4:30, he woke again with the same coughing fits; only this time he didn't really ever wake up fully.  He was 'up' for 2 hours.  Thus began my day.  Three hours of sleep.

I was hoping that was the worst of it.  That being said, I had a really good 'mental' day.  Able to level-headedly discipline the kids (not that I fly off the handle all the time, but I felt like a 'good mom' yesterday), etc.  Then last night, well, Dustin started up around midnight.  I tried sleeping with him on me in the rocking chair, but he is SUCH a squirm-bucket (like his mama?), so that didn't work out too well.  So I laid with him in his bed, but he refuses to have his upper body elevated (I'll have to stick something under his mattress next time).  Again, little Squirmy made it impossible for me to sleep, but at least his coughing finally subsided.  I fell asleep around 3:00 after finally going back to my own bed.  But by this time my senses were on guard for every little cough... Graeme got up with Dustin the rest of the night when necessary, even though he had to work today; Joshua woke up whiny & crying at 6:00.  This is highly unusual for him, too - but after his coloring yesterday afternoon and his little tell-tale "I'm-fighting-a-virus" rash last night, I wasn't surprised.

My point is this:  I'm tired.  Like, almost like I have a newborn again.  My mind is foggy.  It will be interesting to see how the day goes.  Waiting for God's grace to pour on me today in the toughest moments...walking in His strength... *these* are the moments of truth for me.

24 weeks and back in the pool

I'm 24 weeks today.  24 WEEKS!!  EEK!

I dragged myself back to the pool tonight.  With Christmas & everything, swimming has gone by the wayside for the last few weeks.  Driving time, changeroom time, and then the swim itself - 1 1/2 or 2 hours GONE just like that!  

But I went back tonight.  I left home after 9:00, got in the pool at 9:40, swam for 36 minutes (my best ever for the number of laps I normally do!), and then hopped out.  I figured that even though I felt I could've done more, I shouldn't push it.  And I'm glad I made that decision - getting out of the pool was another matter altogether - that didn't feel so good.  My body felt 10x heavier than it usually does, and the floor was moving.  

But I'm SO glad I went.  Swimming, although it makes me hungry, staves off cravings, and makes me feel good inside and out.

Then on my way home, I had a thought - "I feel really good!"  I wondered what life would be like if I always felt that good - physically & emotionally.  If God was really doing a bigger healing work, beyond *just* the exercise.  I hope He is... I want to believe that He is... I don't know what I'll do if PPD strikes again after this baby... but for tonight, I was able to bask in His goodness and praise Him without a storm within me.  It was refreshing.

Out of the mouths of babes...

I came out of the bathroom for the umpteenth time last night.  Baby seems to know how to use my bladder as a trampoline & punching bag.  Not the nicest feeling in the world.

Anyway, Joshua & Dustin had been making fun of how Mommy will walk when Baby gets bigger.  Walking like, well, pregnant women.  Quite funny.

When I came out of the bathroom, Dustin patted my rear end and said, "Mommy, this is your bum?"

"Yes, Dustin, it's my bum."  (Eyes rolling.)

"Is there a baby in there, too, Mommy?"

Need I say more?

(I've been told not to put too much stock into the opinion of a 2 1/2 year old... but still!)

Oops

Dustin had a fever yesterday and in the night, so we decided that he shouldn't go to church and spread whatever germies he has to all the other children.

So I got up (Graeme had a sleepover in the boys' room and got up with them and let me sleep in!), showered, got ready for church.  Found out after that that we wouldn't take D.  So I decided to take Joshua anyway.

Then funny things started happening.  Like, "There's something going on that I don't know about" sort of things.

Got to the church; parking lot was FULL, with nobody in sight (usually there are two services and when we arrive between the services, the parking lot is very busy with people coming & going).

There were NO parking spots available.  Finally I settled for a vague spot on the farthest end of the parking lot; figured people could still get around me.

Got J out.  Still nobody stirring.

Walked into the church 15 minutes 'early'.  The foyer was completely empty with the exception of two greeters and the Christmas tree.

The light went on.  "This is the last of the combined 10 a.m. services, isn't it?"  "Yes."  "So we missed church."  "Pretty much."

Joke's on us.  We tossed the little bulletin insert right after Christmas which told us what the church schedule would be through Christmas & New Year's.  Apparently there was just one...more...day... where there would only be the one service.

Haha.  Oops.  We came home and did some 'church' here with the kids.

At least I got my shower and put on a bit of makeup today.  That's a bonus!  :)

Can't sleep

Been thinking too much today!  It's 12:55 a.m. late Saturday night (or early Sunday a.m. if you want to get technical!)...

Discussing natural childbirth with Graeme.  Been doing more research... Graeme is a skeptic and isn't totally 'sold' on the idea of drug-free (not because he's a pharmacist, but because he's a normal man who doesn't want to see his wife in pain), which of course will make it harder for me to actually DO drug-free!  

History: My labour with Joshua was over 25 hours; the last 5 hours were categorized with laughing gas (terrible stuff), morphine (stayed on board much longer than it should've and didn't help anyway), then an epidural ('cuz the first two interventions made me 'lose it' and I was beyond exhausted).  Dustin was about 15 hours total; the last 2 hours or so with an epidural.  Both babies were groggy afterwards - they both nursed fine right away, but a couple hours after birth, both got really non-responsive, etc.  I was headachey and ITCHY for hours afterwards, too.  Not to mention disappointed.

So...yeah.  I was so ready for bed at 10:45 tonight; then he started talking about it again; we talked for almost an hour before I kicked him out for his sleepover in the boys' room (so cute - Joshua is on the floor and Dustin in his own bed; J always gives Daddy his bed).  Tossed and turned myself for a while before getting up to do some further research and reading online.

Anyone wanna come be my doula?  :)

Mama's helpers

Mama's helpers - we're having company come for dinner & games tonight, and I set the boys to work.  Joshua has always been very conscientious with the vacuum, but Dustin blew my socks off... I really need to turn this kid loose with a rag more often!

Can't shake it

So... as a soon-to-be mom of 3, I can't help but shake this 'GAAAAH!' feeling.  Like, "GAH!  What have I gotten myself into?"  Or, "GAH!!  How on EARTH will I handle 3 when I can barely handle myself and the two sweet boys I already have?"  (When I say "handle", it's not because they're poorly behaved or anything, but just because it's ME feeling constantly overwhelmed and unable to cope.)

The new year has a lot of challenges and questions.  

Like, will the PCN job work out long-term?  Will Graeme end up back at the pharmacy full-time?  Will he drop both things altogether?  If he does, that will mean a move to...where?  

What will happen with my dad?  Will things stay status quo, or will he eventually change?  Will the kids ever get to know their Grandpa Hank?  Do I even care?  (Just keeping it real...)  

Will I make it full-term again (and beyond, like usual)?  If this baby goes late, it'll be the first LaRue extended family May baby... if not, then we'll have about our 6th April baby in the family.  I suppose that's God's decision and not ours, but the family is quite adamant that I *need* to go overdue again.  (Thanks, guys.)

Will my body figure itself out after this wee one comes?  I became such a mess after Dustin... maybe this baby will reverse those messes?  Will I have to deal with nasty PPD again?  Some days I feel like I'm *still* dealing with it...

When my best nearby friend moves away next summer, how will I handle it?  Will I be so hormonal that it'll ruin me, or will I be able to stand in God's strength and proceed with life?  

What decisions do I make with regards to Joshua's (and Dustin's) schooling?  I'm so torn... and without a lot of support from some family members no matter which way I go, it's a little daunting.  There is a lot of pressure to have J in a school that will cost a ridiculous amount of money to send him to every single month.  Plus bussing.  It'll only get worse in grade 1.

Then I think of this new TV show I just got hooked on recently - taped all of the previous episodes in a 'marathon' they had on Christmas Eve - the show is called 17 and Counting.  Family with (now) 18 children, one of whom just got married, the 18th born just before Christmas.  She never yells at her kids, they are completely debt-free, they have very well-behaved & respectful children, and they are a solid Christian homeschooling family.  There will probably be some things that they do that I might not agree with for my own family, but still...  EIGHTEEN kids!  And she still has her head attached.  And she smiles a lot.  Encouraging; makes me think that I just *might* survive this new year after all.