Sometimes big things don't 'move' me. Other times, the smallest thing will compel me to act.
In recent days I have been overcome with joy, grief, peace, excitement, anticipation, and sorrow. The roller coaster seems unbearable at times... and I get motion sick easily.
I've been told by some that I'm too sensitive. However, I think that, to a certain extent, this can be a gift.
A meal for a friend whose household (4 children) has been very ill, and now she herself has been taken down... I don't know her that well, but I felt like I *needed* to do something.
Re-reading another friend's blog posts from a year and a half ago, and being overcome anew with sorrow, petitioning our God for a new level of healing and grace...
Having my heart walk outside of my body in several ways, bearing the exhaustion of a fevered baby, a little guy with nightmares, and another little guy with lotsa needs...
I'm wanting my heart to be shaped into the mold of our Father's hand ~ to let my heart be broken with the things that break His heart. To pray as His Spirit would give me words or groanings. To love as He would love.
But I'm not perfect. And it shreds my heart to pieces when I fly off the handle with one of my boys, sinning against them. Or when I *miss* that one of my friends is hurting, and I just carry on, completely oblivious, only to realize later how blunt or uncaring I must've seeemed.
How can I be so sensitive one moment, and so insensitive the next? I don't want my kids or friends to think that I'm two-faced, hypocritical, or self-serving... because I don't want to be that, either. It has to be about Him, or my actions are nothing. Chaff in the wind. Stubble to be burned up.
Lord, please give me a tender heart....
