The end of my proverbial rope...

I have good days, and I have bad days.

What's not good is when the bad days turn into bad weeks...

Yes, my status on facebook says "Melissa is stressed. Long story." I think my status has said that for a few days. I haven't bothered changing it because I haven't had to. :(

Yes, I'm done. I have days/weeks like this where I just wonder, "Where are you, Lord?" I have no peace, I have no rest, I have no joy...in their place are tension and feelings of overwhelm. And cravings. I've been doing so well, but off the wagon I go! *sigh*

I'm exhausted - more mentally than physically. I love my family, but these last few days have been so inconsistent in routines and such that the boys are a disaster...I'm a disaster. All I want is a few moments to be still with God, instead of trying to run around to the next time-sensitive task. It's like all the inflexible things needed to happen all at the same time, and it's wreaking havoc on our home. I hate it. I just want to be still. Just for a few simple moments.

It's not that the things I've been needing to do are stressful in and of themselves - there have been 3 bridal showers for Carly (my almost sister-in-law), a garden to plant (which I had so much fun doing!), lots of prep to do for the boys who will be ring-bearers in the wedding, a big birthday party to go to for some close friends, etc. And Graeme has his pharmacy fiscal year-end coming up this week. I enjoy doing the tasks, but with either Graeme or me constantly coming and going, the boys have no idea which end is up anymore. And they're acting out more (especially Joshua), which makes me resent the busy-ness that's befallen us.

I just want to be still.

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10. Oh God, I need stillness right now!!

Dresses, rowing, and baby parties

Update: I found an outfit! It's not a dress, but a skirt and a co-ordinating shirt. I got it at Cleo in the mall in Sherwood Park on Monday. Now I just have to find some shoes to go with it...does that mean I did this all backwards, Paige? Eek....














Update: I've officially cut a whole 7 minutes and 46 seconds off of my 10K rowing time in 15 days. Wow... Even I'm amazed. I tell you, though, I think I've met my match in my newest time...I only shaved off 8 seconds yesterday. No, I don't do a 10K every day - I don't have time for that - but maybe every 2nd or 3rd day I do a 10K. And otherwise, I do some 2K or 5K rows. Maybe someday I'll be able (and have the time) to do a marathon row, which is over 41K. Maybe that could be my goal a year from now? I can't imagine how sore my butt would be...














Anyway, I went gardening after my row yesterday - helped Sharon weed and such, and today we (as in I, she's pregnant :) will rototill and move all the compost from the bin into the garden. Then we (yes, both of us) will do some planting. The point is that after my long row yesterday and then the cultivating and gardening, I'm kinda SORE today!!!














Yesterday we had a Moms & Little Ones party at Karen's house. It was so much fun! Sadly, Dustin needed a nap the second we got there (it was sorta planned that way - he got up at 7:30 and I knew he'd be ready for a sleep by 9:30 - perfect!), and so he spent the entire 2 hours of the official party napping! But then he got up and we hung around for a little while. My absolute favorite picture of the day yesterday is the one of Karen snuggling Joshua. He'd gotten in trouble from me for throwing rocks at Charis (and Charis got in trouble for throwing rocks, too)...once I was done with him, he said he would like a hug from Karen. Karen is the angel that transformed my Joshua from a shy, clingy 18-month old into a joyful and more outgoing boy within a matter of weeks. She made him feel safe and loved, and also gave me the courage to leave him even if he was mad at me for doing so!














I must run - I have some facebooking to catch up on - it's very addictive so I try to only go on once a day. I really need to curb my computer time!















Enjoy your day - be blessed!

Dress shopping for Jordan & Carly's wedding...

*sigh*

'Nuff said?

I was literally at the mall for 2 1/2 freakishly long hours yesterday...I must've walked miles and miles...

If it's my size, it's strapless. Or spaghetti straps. Sorry, but no thanks.

Or if it's my size, it might be too short. Sorry - I've been told my my physiotherapist that I have "strong" calves...LOL! Yeah, I know I have big legs, thank you very much.

Anything that I really liked...too small. Even if only by one size. And I don't think I'll be able to lose a size in the next two weeks.

Where's my root canal sans anesthetic?

*sob...bawl...pulling hair out*

It was so easy for Jordan's other brothers' weddings - for Graeme's, well, I wore WHITE (hee hee), and for Curtis & Darcy's, I was a bridesmaid. Decisions made! This is a little different...I still need to be beautiful, but nothing I own fits anymore!!! :(

Time for dinner!

New Camera! (and other stuff)

Here are some pictures we took with our new Canon S3IS Camera. We still liked our old camera, but wanted more zoom and faster capabilities...and, the big bonus is that we got it for FREE! Yup, a $450 camera, and a case, for basically nothing - I had to invest about $30 extra into 2 gigs of extra memory - the 16 megabyte card just wasn't going to cut it.

So, today I played with the 12x optical zoom... different lighting settings, etc... I haven't even read the manual yet, and I'm thrilled! We just picked it up last night.

Of course, my favorite subjects are my boys...but I thought I'd throw in a shot of some grapes I took, too. Other than that, the one of Dustin with his finger on his mouth is an example of how he blows kisses. Quite a character!

Other than our new camera, life is...well...going. Have you ever noticed that some days you just keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking....? Well, I had a day like that the other day. My dear friend Karen bore the brunt of a lengthy e-mail that I sent at midnight while I was waiting for laundry to dry. She got the e-mail first thing in the morning, and came and visited me that afternoon. It was nice to have a visitor! At any rate, all is well - my thoughts and ponderings just sometimes get the best of me. *sigh*

The workouts are going quite well. This morning I did a *long* workout - rowed 2K for a warm-up, then spent about 15 minutes on weights, followed by a 10K row. I chose a different tactic for my "long" row today, and it paid off - I finished a full minute and a half ahead of my previous best time, and I didn't even feel like I was pushing as hard as my last 10K!

My one complaint is that by now, I thought I'd be seeing a difference - it's been 2 weeks or so, and I've been working out almost every day - at least half an hour a day, plus walks with the kids, etc, and absolutely nothing has changed as far as the scale goes. *grr* I know that the scale shouldn't be the measuring stick, they say your clothes should be (and how they fit, etc.), but not even my clothes are noticing a difference! Oh well, at least I know I'm getting into better cardiovascular shape! And....the stress release is good. Excellent. Great. I feel good. There's just too much of me. :)

I must run - I need to cut Graeme's hair, and do a bit of clean-up before bed tonight. Tomorrow is a busy day... the boys have their annual checkups with their pediatrician tomorrow! Sleep well, my sweets!! <--that refers to my boys, not my readers!!

Nighty-night!

Lasagna, anyone?

When I make lasagna, I don't do just one pan. Graeme likes my lasagna, and so whenever a friend has a baby (or needs a meal for other reasons), I make a pan of lasagna for them. I figure, if I'm making a mess anyway, I might as well make an even bigger mess and get a whole schwack of it done!














So, one pan went to Sandra and her family tonight, and the rest goes in the freezer. I have plans for a couple of the other pans, but then the rest will be easy to pull out for guests or just for an easy dinner for ourselves!

Good thing we like lasagna!

Crash!

Well, the last several nights have gone well. Good workouts. Resolve not to eat after a certain time at night. Tonight, different story.

Today I felt that I shouldn't work out - I wanted to, but my body was telling me that if I did, I'd likely put myself further back than where I started from a couple weeks ago. I'm not used to a consistency of such good workouts, and I can sense my body would not do so well if I worked out again tonight. So, I skipped a night. Not bad, I think I've done 3 days on, one day off, 3 days on, then tonight off.

Well, my resolution not to eat after 8 p.m. fell miserably tonight, too. Now I feel icky.

The connection? Work out, and I won't be tempted to snack after dinner.

Not that there's anything wrong with snacking after dinner - no sir-ee! But, for me, I need to totally curb pre-bedtime calories. That's just another 'minor' change in my lifestyle that will hopefully help me to be more fit overall. This is not to say that I can never indulge past 8 p.m. - just under normal circumstances (i.e. at home when there's no special occasion like a birthday), I really shouldn't.

*sigh* It was actually a tough day. Joshua has been tough after his naps these last couple of days. Very defiant, and very destructive towards Dustin. Yesterday he deliberately slammed Dustin's hand in the dishwasher not once, but twice, before I could get there. (J opened the dishwasher and Dustin stuck his hand in, and WHAM!) Today, he ran over Dustin with his car. Knew exactly what he was doing. It makes me sad that Joshua would be so mean towards his little buddy.

Tomorrow, Graeme has the day off. Maybe I can actually get some things done around here. I've been putting off cleaning up some of the hot spots in the house. What I really would like is an entire day sans children so I could get it all done. Even at that, one day might not do it. But it would help!

I must get to bed. 7:00 will come all too early!

'Nighty-night...ZZZZZzzzzzz......

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Whew - I just finished a 10K row (plus a 5-minute warmup and post-workout stretching). I feel GOOD!

I started the day with a migraine. You might wonder if I was crazy, going for a row after a day like today! Well, I didn't work out yesterday, but really wanted to today.

Yup, so I woke with a migraine. Haven't had a full-blown migraine since Daysland. Nursed Dustin, then laid him back in his crib, hoping he'd go back to sleep long enough so I could grab a shower and pray that my headache went away.

Just as I was laying Dustin back in his crib (it was 'late', 7:00 a.m. - he was ready to start his day, but I wasn't), Joshua woke up. I figured he'd be good to play in his room for a few minutes. And that Dustin wasn't likely to sleep again, but he could at least play in his crib. So I got my shower, and still felt worse afterwards. It was so bad I thought I was going to puke.

My doctor suspected (from a previous appointment) that I might be tending towards these silly things again, so he gave me a 'sample' of a fast-acting migraine pill called Amerge. I was glad to have it on hand. After calling my friendly neighborhood pharmacist *hee hee, that'd be Graeme* to ask about potential interactions and such, I was told I should just take the thing. I'm glad I did. I had a busy morning ahead which included other people besides my kids depending on me to make the day 'work'. Within an hour the edge had been taken down and I could at least function.

By around 1 p.m. I was feeling mostly better, but just exhausted. I was so thankful that both boys had long naps - I was able to get a 2-hour nap myself (forget about the housework today!) and woke up feeling like a new person, pretty much. Thank you, Amerge, Advil, and Tylenol! :) (Actually, it's more like, "Thank you, God!")

So yeah, it was a busy, intense day, and I was really looking forward to some exercise. I felt like I paced myself well, and I felt really strong even up to 6000m. Faded around 7,000, though, but mentally pushed through it and finished well. Unfortunately, blisters have now appeared on my hands - I've lost my tough farm-girl hands! :(

Time to finish unwinding and head to bed - busy day again tomorrow!

I won an award!

I received the "Thinking Blogger" award from my friend Paige. Now I get to pass it on to 5 more people who've somehow inspired me with their blogs.

Problem is, I don't know too many bloggers. Not personally, anyway. And, two of the bloggers I do know have already received the Thinking Blogger Award. Regardless, I'm going to present the "Thinking Blogger Award to:

Paige - re-receives this award for her commitment to prolife work and her defense of the precious little ones who cant' defend themselves. She has a heart for God that continually presses into Him even when the darkness falls. With 5 young children (she homeschools, too), she is my Mom-Hero.

Jen - has already won this award too, but I'm giving it to her again. She was in my youth group when we lived in Daysland. She has since "all growed up" and gotten married. It's been fun following her journey.

Sharon - is a fellow stamping addict and awesome friend. She just started her blog. She is about to have an exciting year! She challenges me in loads of areas - many of which neither of us would blog about - some things are meant to stay just between friends!

Stacy - a fellow stamper as well. She has some great ideas and techniques on her blog, if you're a crafty one!

That's about it - I know that's not 5 people, but really...seriously...c'mon! I could 'award' loads of other bloggers whom I've never met, but I don't really want to do that...

Congratulations!

Finishing well

I did another "row" tonight. Yesterday I did my first 5000m row, and tonight I decided to pace myself against yesterday's row to see if I can improve it. Well, I cut almost 2 whole minutes off yesterday's time! 1:53, to be exact. It felt good! So good, in fact, that I then hopped over to push some weights, then did about 5 more minutes of cardio to loosen up again before stretching.

It would be nice if I could have an hour to work out every day...but that's not likely to happen. So I'll take what I can get when I have a few minutes, and on the days where I can do an extended workout, I'll enjoy that, too!

As for finishing well, exercising is not the only place I should finish well in. Yes, it's a good sense of accomplishment to exceed previous efforts. Definitely. But what about exceeding previous 'efforts' in my spiritual walk? I mean, with two little kids, it's hard to spend extended time daily in God's Word and in prayer. I know that God's calling on my life is to raise these two precious wee ones, and so He will understand if I can't take an hour every day to read the Bible. But, I've learned that changing diapers is an act of worship - it's selflessness. Cleaning up dishes is service to God, too. Even *shudder* dusting or cleaning the bathrooms. The key is my attitude. Am I bitter about the call that God has on my life? Oops. Better straighten that out if I'm going to be used even further of Him!

I hope that one day, when I stand before Him, He will tell me that I finished well!!

Melancholy & Euphoria

What a day! Yikes!

Dustin was up no less than 6 times last night. He was on some meds for the infection he had. He had a fever for over 48 hours, and then I discovered some lumps behind his ears and on the nape of his neck. The doctor prescribed Biaxin (antibiotic) after finding that Dustin's lungs were really congested and messy. Well, after 3 doses, who breaks into this wonderful rash? Yup, my Dustin. Got him to the doctor just before lunchtime today - it was almost certain that the meds caused his rash. So, now Dustin is off the meds. Dustin is still a little gunky in his chest, and the lumps are still there behind his ears, but the doctor thinks now that maybe it was viral after all. I think the meds messed with his sleep, too...really, six times?? CRAZY!

So my day started a little, umm, exhausted. Joshua, poor kid - woke up calling for his Daddy. He was a *little* upset that his Daddy wasn't there to get him up. "I want Daddy! I don't want you!" He wasn't yelling, just stating the facts. Poor guy is just too young yet to understand that it's going to be another whole entire day before Daddy is home again. So anyway, I crawled into bed with Joshua, I was so exhausted, and read books to him. Then I dozed off while he hopped out of bed and played in his room. It was the most solid 'sleep' I'd gotten all night.

I did get a nap this afternoon, though. A whole hour!!

I took the kids out after their afternoon naps - we went for a drive, then went to the mall to pick up a couple things. Then, WHAM, while at the mall, I was hit with some kind of awful cramps that were all too reminiscent of my stint with endometriosis prior to having Joshua. Thankfully I was on my way to Gramma & Grampa's house with the kids right after that - I got my hot little hands on some Tylenol, and life looked much better after half an hour. Whew! All I can say is that if I end up with the same level of endometriosis pain again as before, I don't think I'll be able to handle it. I'll be keeping my ob/gyn's phone number in my speed dial!

So, YAY, I've been working out! Hey Paige - we got a rowing machine! I'd always toyed with the idea after enjoying it at the gym several years ago, and then you said you'd gotten one. That's why I was picking your brain about it. :) We got a Concept 2, too - and I love it. I made about 2 dozen phone calls and checked out several other units, but kept coming back to this one. LOVE it!! Graeme is hoping to get into it, too - we've only had it for about 3 days, and I've kind of been hogging it (and he's also gone). It's the first piece of 'quality' cardio equipment we've ever invested in. We have a bike that we paid about $100 for about 9 or 10 years ago. And we bought a Wal-Mart elliptical about 3 or 4 years ago. 'Nuff said. Graeme's happy that the rowing machine is working out nicely. The manual says to only do 5 minutes for the first couple times out...yeah, right!! Too much fun to stop! I've done three 2000m sessions, and one 5000m session, in 3 days. I can sure *feel* the workouts, but it feels great! I hope to be a new person in a month's time. What's your favorite feature about your machine, Paige?

I'm also training for what my summer camp is calling a duathlon, a fundraising athletic event on June 16th. It's going to be about a 20km bike, followed by a 5km run. I've got a lot of work to do to be ready, but I've committed, and I want to make it work! I love having goals to work towards, rather than just "get on the bike and go for however long I want to". Ya know? I also know that the rowing will provide some good cross-training in preparation for the event. Graeme is also going to do the duathlon, but he's going to bike the entire way. "Graeme" and "run" don't belong in the same sentence, unless, of course the word "Schwann's" is also included. Daysland story, I'll tell it sometime, if I haven't already. Remind me, though!

I miss Graeme. I miss him not just for the help he gives me with the kids, either...I miss having him around! Nothing's the same! Only 24 more hours...he should be home around this time tomorrow night.

Time to get into some comfy clothes and get some work done. I've got some laundry to fold, a kitchen to finish cleaning up, some music to memorize, and maybe some organizing to do in the crawl space, if I last that long. One thing is for sure - no more rowing tonight. I already did my 'big' session today, and I'm definitely feeling it. Like I said, though - it feels good!

G'night!

Lonely weekend...

Graeme is out of town for a pharmacist conference in Banff. Lucky duck...gets to go to the mountains... can't say I'm looking forward to being alone for two nights (maybe three) with the kids. I'm a suck when it comes to being alone in a big old scary house at night, especially with two vulnerable tiny children. Paige, I don't know how you do it with five littles when Neil's out of town! You're my hero!

I know that my God is mighty to protect, but still, my human nature gets the best of me sometimes.

The 'weekend alone' got off to a bang this morning. Dustin was up a lot last night (on account of being sick, or maybe on account of medication side effects), and was up at 5:00 this morning, and was completely uninterested in going back to sleep. He was up till 7:15 or so. I had to take J to gymnastics this morning, and then get some groceries before Graeme left at noon. There's nothing like starting off a weekend like this on a completely deprivation in the sleep department. *sigh*.

Ironic...I'm listening to a song we have to learn for ensemble tonight. As I typed that last sentence, the line that played was "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me / Grace can pull down strongholds of the enemy / I will stand and fight until the victory / for He's greater"

Okay, Lord, I get it now...

Flyin' High

So, did I ever tell you about "the kite"? Well, Graeme and I attended a fundraiser banquet for Pioneer Bible camp a couple of weekends ago. Graeme saw this kite in a tube and thought, "Oh! That would be AWESOME for Joshua!" My first thought was, "Yeah, right, buddy, it's for YOU!"

Well, finally it got windy enough one day that we could take the kite out. I think it might've been Friday or maybe Saturday. Anyway, it was SOOO much fun! I even got to fly the 'fighter jet'. I got the most string out - it was so gusty and the kite was so big it couldn't handle the gusts, so it often did loop-de-loops and crashed. But at any rate, I also misjudged the length of line I had out, and when the kite crashed, it crashed right into a tree. No big deal, though - I could just climb the tree! But alas, the wind pushed the kite out of the tree before I had a chance to actually get to the tree. I was somewhat saddened. :(

Anyway, here are some kite-flying pix. You can see how big this thing is! It was fun - my first time flying a kite!

In other news, my Dusty is sick again. He had a fever for 2 days, and then yesterday afternoon I felt a bump behind his ear. Thought that maybe Joshua just whacked him by accident. Well, in the middle of the night, I found 4 or 5 more. Took him to the doc this a.m, it's just swollen lymph nodes, but the doctor also found a really deep respiratory infection. *sigh* At least Dustin's been a lot happier today! He was really quite miserable yesterday, but today was a fun day with my wee man. Antibiotics were prescribed, in hopes and suspicions that it's a bacterial infection. It could be viral, though, in which case Dustin might get worse before he gets better.

Well, that's all for now - I'm just working my way around the house, methodically picking up and tidying as I go!

G'night!