It's OURS!

I just got a phone call from the realtor - we have key release on our new place!!!!

Now I just have to wait for Graeme to get off work and Meaghan to finish her nap - it's going to be a very painful 2 hours in some ways!! She literally *just* went down, I was coming down the stairs, and the phone rang; it was the realtor letting us know we could now go in the house.

How am I supposed to work now?????? I'm way too giddy and excited!

Our internet is being disconnected tonight, and we won't be back up and running for about a week, maybe 5 or 6 days if I'm really lucky. What an eternity without my blog world and my facebook to keep up with!! I know you won't let me down; I look forward to coming back to a plethora of new posts from some of my favorite people!!

Signing off with joy, giddiness, excitement, and scatter-brained-ness...

Melissa

Tomorrow!!!

Tomorrow, we take possession of our house.

Could be as early as noon-ish, could be as late as 5:00 p.m.

Is this day finally here? Is it ALREADY here?

Time to finish packing up the last little remnants of our lives here on the acreage. After naps, the boys will go over to their grandparents' place for two nights. That will give us tonight to finish packing up the remainder of the books & toys, as well as much of tomorrow. I'll still have Meaghan with me, of course. On Saturday, the movers come and take us from here to there, where we will start UNpacking in our new abode.

I'm excited to start this new chapter in our lives. This entire year has been a year of new chapters. I'm liking it. A lot. God is good.

(Rain just started splattering on my window...it's been so chilly today!)

Smiley Fry and Loving Brother

*dreamy sigh*

It just gets better every single day.

?

Just because you *can* do something, and do it well, does it mean you should? And how do you know the difference?

Ready-made?

Oh my goodness... ICK! I copied and pasted this from the web - it came from a facebook link so I can't find the actual URL... but I was quite grossed out by this. I should be in bed instead but needed to get this off my mind in blog form! Here is the article:

Ready Made Inc. debuts new disposable baby bottle prototype at Smart Baby Expo.

Ready Made Inc. has a new single use baby bottle that comes pre-filled with formula. These biodegradable bottles have received a great response both from the humanitarian and commercial markets.

PRLog (Press Release) – Jul 02, 2009 – Ready Made Inc. introduced the new patented single use disposable baby bottle prototype at the Smart Baby Expo in Tampa, Florida on Sunday. The Ready Made Baby Bottle is a brand new way to feed infants. Unlike conventional baby bottles that have to be sterilized, assembled and filled with formula, the Ready Made Bottle comes from the factory completely assembled, filled with a sterile food source and is ready to serve. (Melissa's note: "sterile food source"? Ewwww... sounds suspicious...)

The Smart Baby Expo caters to new parents and expecting parents and is held in cities across the US. Ready Made conducted a random survey at the event and the results are in. A whopping 85% of the respondents look forward to using Ready Made baby bottles in the future, in fact 20% said they would use the Ready Made single use bottles daily no matter what brand of formula comes in them!

The new biodegradable paper based design was a major selling point for parents who are concerned with the environmental impact of plastics and the threat of Bisphenol-A in plastic baby products. One Smart Baby Expo attendee, Christina Harper, commented, "I think this product is one of many that will eventually be very popular among people or parents who want a quick alternative for on the go meals for their babies. It's a "green" idea that many companies... should be very interested in." (Melissa's note: isn't breastfeeding about as "on-the-go" and "green idea" as it gets???)

Ready Made was also recently invited to take part in the World Vision: Experience AIDS event that took place in Orlando May 16-22. This event helps raise awareness of the AIDS crisis taking place in Africa. One third of children in Africa with the AIDS virus contracted the disease from breast feeding. The humanitarian version of the Ready Made disposable baby bottle can prevent these infants from contracting HIV by giving them clean meals until they are ready for solid food. Over 350 people endorsed the Ready Made bottles as being beneficial for humanitarian use.

The World Vision event also featured other humanitarian projects such as Haven of Hope Ministries and Bajalia. Bajalia imports and sells hand made African jewelry, clothing and other items and returns profits to the artisans in Africa.


About Ready Made Inc:

Ready Made Inc was founded in 2004 by Dr. Corwin Littell. Ready Made holds the US Utility patent on pre-filled single use baby bottles and 9 patents pending on various designs. . Ready Made single use bottles will be sold in stores throughout the U.S. and be available to global humanitarian markets beginning in 2010. Ready Made bottles are a convenient alternative to traditional baby bottles. They are pre filled and sterile from the factory, so there is no mixing, no mess and less illness related to bacterial cross contamination. Ready Made bottles are also free of Bisphenol-A.

For additional information on the Ready Made Disposable Baby Bottle visit www.readymadeinc.com. The Ready Made Disposable Baby Bottle is a trade mark of Ready Made Inc.

# # #

Ready Made Inc is an Orlando, FL company. Ready Made holds the patent on single use, ready to serve disposable baby bottles and is also committed to humanitarian use of these products.

Just never good enough

She gazes wistfully at the TV screen, watching the figure skaters in their sparkly costumes. Dreaming of being one of them one day. At least wanting to be given the chance. "You can't do that, we don't have enough money," Mom says, even though they spend hundreds of dollars a month on other discretionary expenses.

What the little girl hears: "You're not worth the money it would take for even the most basic of lessons."

~~~~~~~~~~

He spends hours building and creating his model airplane. It's almost done exactly how he wants it. He begins to swell with the feeling of a job well done. Dad walks in, starts taking it apart, and reassembles it. "You should have done it this way instead."

What the boy hears: "You made a piece of garbage. You'll never be good enough to do anything on your own. Good thing I'm here to fix it for you."

~~~~~~~~~~

She prepares to leave for college. The night before she leaves, her dad tells her that she's wasting her time and that she'll never amount to anything.

What she hears: "You're wasting your time and you'll never amount to anything."

~~~~~~~~~~

He wants to go to Bible School for a year. He doesn't have enough money of his own. His parents tell him that they'll fund his education if he takes a "real" education at a "real" university.

What he hears: "Bible School is a waste of time. We won't support you unless you do what *we* want you to and get a *real* job. Your decisions are worthless."

~~~~~~~~~~

What they all do: Start believing what their parents have spoken to them all those years.

Spirits are broken.

Hearts are wounded.

Creativity is squelched.

Excitement is stifled.

Joy is lost.

Hope fades.

Damage is done.

Life is spent replacing brokenness with truth... that God DOES find them worthy. That God DOES find them capable. That they ARE sufficient in Him.

It's a long road. Painful. The clay in the Potter's Hand has gone dry, and He must work harder to make it malleable, soft, and pliable again. He kneads it, works it, breaks it down to the simplest of forms.

One day, the masterpiece starts to take form again, having been replenished with tears and blood. Tears of healing, repentance, and restoration. The blood of Christ engulfs the new piece of work and makes it new.

Spirits are mended.

Hearts are healed.

Creativity thrives.

Excitement surges.

Joy is found.

Hope becomes vibrant.

Wholeness comes.

Breathe life, Lord Jesus...breathe life into those dry bones...

Our new home!

The new digs - finally a post about our actual house that we're moving to!

We take possession July 31st at 5:00 p.m.

The backyard is a monstrosity, for an in-town lot in a newer

development - this yard rivals most "older neighborhood" yards!

We are looking forward to being done with the move and settling

down again!

Packing is going well - I will be short a few boxes, though, so am

trying to scramble to find some more. I spent two days doing

business paperwork and correspondence, so now I can officially

pack up my office without worrying about what I've missed.

Here are the pictures that were included in the MLS listing!

Exterior front:

Exterior back:

View from our deck off to the east:

Kitchen view - granite countertops!:

Living room (this is not our furniture, and sadly the TV is not staying, either!):

Dining room - again, not our furniture (none of it is in any of these pictures!):

Bonus room above garage - this will be the kids' play room:

Master bedroom:

Ensuite bathroom (please call to book an appointment for using our tub):

Meaghan's room:

The boys' room:

Another view from the deck off to the east:

View of the back of the house, from the other side of the back yard from where the first back-yard picture was taken (as if THAT made any sense!):

Frustrations

I've obviously used that as a title before, because it auto-filled...

Anyway, I need to vent.

I am working my butt off. Taking care of 3 kids all day long... I could set them in front of the TV so I could do "my" thing all day, but I don't. I choose instead to interact with them, to take them to the park, to play outside with them, to read to them, to eat with them... and I love it.

I am still only 10 weeks post-partum.

I am trying to pack a house and move. Most of the packing falls to me.

So I spend 8-10 hours a day being only a Mom and dedicating myself to my kids. Sometimes, with certain items, I am able to get them to help in the packing process. But anyone who has moved with young children knows it's easier to pack without them, thank you very much.

I then spend 2-3 hours in the evenings purging, packing, sorting, cleaning... on top of regular housework, correspondence, and paperwork.

And then I'm made to feel guilty if I want to go for a swim. I haven't been to the pool in....umm, a while. A few days anyway. Maybe it was Wednesday or Thursday last week? Not sure.

Swimming is incredibly healthy for me. It replaces chiropractor visits, massages, anti-inflammatories, and comfort food. And in a time of stress like what we're going through right now (not that I'm complaining about the move, but it IS busier than normal), I need the water therapy. If I don't, I can't function at peak efficiency. Cause, effect.

I love being a mom. I am looking forward to the move. I have packed up our stuff 7 times in 10 years, and I know what it takes to make it all happen. How much time we need, order of events/packing items, etc. We are well on track right now, if not ahead of schedule.

Yet there a lack of trust... "you can't afford to go for a swim because not enough stuff is packed"... "are you sure you have time for _____?"... etc.

My life can't stop just because we're moving. My kids need as much normalcy as possible, and quite frankly, I need a bit of reprieve, too. Isn't that OK? Am I being too selfish?

*Vent over*

Thanks.

The Joy of the Lord

We're doing this song in church tomorrow - I vaguely remember hearing it before, but our young youth pastor (Graeme W.) is leading worship tomorrow and this is one of his favorite songs. Are you kidding me? A youth pastor? A guy? Likes a TWILA PARIS song????

It's a gooder! Have a listen:

Pencil dives and starfish floats

I went out for a swim tonight.

I never really got much into front crawl/freestyle when I was pregnant. By the time I recovered enough from the nasty bronchitis to properly breathe doing freestyle and finish my lessons, I was "too pregnant" for it to feel even remotely streamlined and efficient. I just felt like my belly was dragging me down and I couldn't get a proper position in the water.

Since I got back in the pool a couple of weeks ago, I've gone for a swim every 2-3 days. It's been amazing. I try to keep it short (30-35 minutes) so that I can get home in case Meaghan wakes up. (She never has, by the way.) However, I got brave a couple of swims ago and tried to do more freestyle again. It was fairly positive - I didn't drown, didn't choke, didn't even sputter too many times.

The other night I *gasp* strung two whole lengths of front crawl together. I usually would do one freestyle, one backstroke to recover. But I got brave.

And tonight I decided I felt good enough in the water that I pushed myself and I did THREE WHOLE LAPS in a ROW with freestyle. In all, I did about 40% of my swim as a freestyle.

I know it might not seem like a big deal to some. But to me it is.

I've always been afraid of the water. Part of it is because my eyesight is so poor without glasses (and I can't wear contacts) that I just can't see what I'm doing/where I'm going. I feel unsafe. Another part might have to do with a near-drowning I remember as a child - we were out at a lake as a family and I slipped through the tire tube. So I've always liked to keep my feet on solid ground.

We took one year of swimming lessons as a child. One year. It was out at a little stinky lake (there weren't really any other kinds near our small town!), and it was so cold all week, but I passed "yellow". All I remember is learning how to be a starfish and float, and how to do a pencil dive.

I wonder what kind of swimmer I'd be today if I'd been able to continue lessons? I didn't really like it back then, but I was so afraid of everything... but if I'm enjoying the water this much now and am improving at the rate that I am (learning at my age!), I wonder if I might've stood a chance to become something as a competitive swimmer?

Regardless... I'm glad I am a swimmer now. I don't feel like I can even come close to keeping up with the average person, but maybe I'm wrong! I'm not in it for any sort of competition except to myself... to push myself to do better, go farther, go faster... for me. For my health.

I'm blessed that we have two pools in town; both are about a 15-20 minute drive from here. The big/deep pool (which is the one I normally go to) is only a 6 minute drive from our new house, though. Which means that I'll have an extra 20 minutes to swim in my allotted 1 1/4 hour outing!

A Tender Heart

~A song from today's service; I just learned it on Wednesday, but it's so beautiful... and it's been running through my head ever since... and even moreso now that we've done the song with the congregation! This is my prayer...

Lord, please give me a tender heart,

One that is longing and thirsting for You

Lord, please give me a tender heart,

One that can love and forgive like You do.

May Your love and compassion,

Your mercy and grace,

Be known in my actions,

Be seen on my face;

In all that I say or do,

A tender heart.

Lord, please give me a tender heart,

One that is clothed in humility

Lord, please give me a tender heart,

Filled with Your power and purity.

May Your love and compassion,

Your mercy and grace,

Be known in my actions,

Be seen on my face;

In all that I say or do,

A tender heart.

Mish-Mash

I'm taking a packing break. I'm in my office. Packing. And being distracted by this computer.

Do you see me complaining? Nope.

Baby Girl is sleeping in her swing - my mom bought that for us when we had Joshua. He didn't like it much. After about 10 minutes he'd let out this blood-curdling scream; not a manipulative scream, but more of an 'in-pain' thing. I think it messed with his head, literally. Dustin hated it. We ended up lending it to some friends of ours who had their baby about 5 weeks after Dustin. But Meaghan... she loves it. But she's so content that I forget to use the swing with her. She's in it right now, though, as I pack... and the little sweetie fell asleep. What a honey. So, THANKS MOM! The investment from 5 years ago finally is paying off!

Graeme and the boys are at the park, giving me some space. They went for a bike ride. We worry about Dustin - he's a bit *too* much of a go-getter. He takes off on us constantly, and now that he's mobile on a bike... well, apparently he took off when Graeme was talking to someone, and 300 meters later, Dustin fell and skinned his knee.

Church was.. interesting!...today. I got to help with the worship with Lynette leading; she brought in some of her old Glimpse band (Glimpse of Glory - a worship thing that used to happen in Edmonton years ago - Glimpse was a big deal!), and asked me to sing with them. It was powerful... I felt so humbled and honored... but the service was so disjointed! It was like everyone forgot what they were supposed to do!! The guy doing announcements went missing at the appointed time, the kids' ministry people forgot to come up and pray with the kids, the ushers were in la-la land (or maybe they were waiting for the cue that never came)... it was just all too strange!! It was actually to the point of being embarrassing.

Tomorrow a friend of mine from church is taking the boys for a few hours so I can do more packing and go to Meaghan's 2-month checkup.

Last night I went to the pool again, and swam my 1000m. I'm doing a lot more front crawl/freestyle these days, which feels great!! I have a friend who is going to go with me to help me with technique and stuff. Having only had a few useful lessons (since I was so sick while taking them!), and being pregnant the entire time that I was swimming, I'm sure I have some bad habits or things I can work on. So, I'm looking forward to that.

Meggie is waking up. I need to close up this box, fire up the bbq (boys are on their way home), and give some love to my wee girlie!!

Imperfections

Well, after a perfect day the other day, yesterday went into the tank. Day camps went just fine, but it all went downhill from there.

Departure from G&G's house solicited a massive tantrum, meltdown, whatever you wanna call it, from Joshua... I could rant about this particular one for a while... there were many factors and players...

Wee girlie only slept a total of MAYBE half an hour over an 8-hour period.

My packing/child help bailed on me yesterday afternoon... and with Meggie not sleeping, I got nothing done.. I'm mostly OK with that, however, the day did not go as planned that way.

Worship rehearsal was fun and refreshing, but also tiring. I wore Meaghan and stood on my feet for 3 straight hours. I was exhausted.

Laundry is piling up, given that I'm not home for much of the day these days...

I woke up with a headache and fire in my stomach today....

And thus begins another day. Lord, grant me strength physically and mentally... peace... healing... joy...

A *perfect* day

Our perfect day started last night at around 7:00. Although Graeme was out, I was able to bathe and bed all three kids in record time... this in itself is not a major feat, however, the fact that there was *peace* in the house throughout the process was quite a pleasure.

The kids stayed in bed nicely, Meaghan nursed for what I hoped would be the last time around 8:00, we had a good li'l snuggle, and off to bed she went - off to packing & cleaning *I* went! She slept for over 8 hours again - I can't even remember the last time she slept less than 8 hours aside from that one night she was sick! She nursed and went back down again; we all got up around 7:15, I showered, Graeme got the boys breakfasted and ready to go to day camps, I nursed and dressed Meggie, and the kids and I headed out the door.

Day camp was successful today on all fronts. Joshua behaved himself when cousin Charis left - I didn't blog about it yesterday, but he is SO clingy when people are about to leave; it's to the point where people don't like being around Joshua when it's time to leave because he puts on such a meltdown/pity party/etc. Anyway, we had a good talk about it, and today he was much better. I guess he's decided that he'd rather be remembered as a happy boy by the departed, not a sadsack! Dustin was perfect today - stayed with his group, participated in everything, etc. Meaghan napped on Lynette's couch in her office at church, and had wakey-time snuggles with Monica & Janeen (two other trusted friends). I was able to be a lot more useful today!!

Naps were awesome - all kids down by 1:00, and after an hour I laid down and got a half-hour power nap in, too.

Upon waking, the boys fed me snippets of their snacks (leftover trail mix from Day Camp today) - being goofy and loving and sharing and happy. I loved it.

The boys have been obedient and loving today. They have been responsive to correction and discussions. Meaghan has been loved up by her brothers. She is smiley and easy today. I am happy and blessed.

And it is a rainy day outside... praise God for rain!! ...but also praise Him for happy days despite the greyness outside.

We have someone coming over tonight to look at Graeme's yard equipment - his tractor, sprayer, snow blade, chainsaw, etc - as we can't take it into town with us. Seems like such a shame to have bought all this stuff and now not be able to take it with us. All in its season, though. After they leave, I hope to go for a swim tonight. I powered through a fantastic half-hour swim the other night again; I am LOVING swimming even more now that I'm not pregnant! I'd forgotten how good it feels to exert myself - so exhilarating!

Yes, I am blessed. God is good, gracious, merciful, and giving.

A day of disconnect

It feels like it's been SUCH an odd day! It started last night at 6:00, when Meaghan went down for her nap... I thought she was stirring as I was blogging, but she never did fully wake up, and slept until 5:30 this morning. She fed and went straight back to sleep for another three hours until I had to head out the door for our church's day camps.

Dustin is attending day camp for the first time this year. He did OK for most of the morning, but then got whiny, didn't want to stay with his group, etc. I am volunteering as Camp Mom this week - at least that's what they're calling me! - and so I basically got to roam around, reign in straying children (one of which was my own!), and be an extra pair of hands where necessary. It was an overall fun morning; tomorrow I will be a little less visible to Dustin. Meaghan wouldn't nap in the playpen there, so I ended up wearing her all morning. I was a little hot and sweaty by noon.

Got home, had lunch, and went for naps - once again Meaghan wasn't settling, and I was desperate for some sleep myself, so I plopped her on the sofa next to me and she nursed/slept while I slept. Both boys would've slept the rest of the day away if I'd let them.

In an hour or so I have to leave the house again with all 3 kids in tow to go check out something in our new house - the owners are very gracious and allowing us to go in before possession to take some measurements, etc. I'm excited, yet nervous - I hope the boys decide to be good listeners while we're there!! It'll be a late bedtime again tonight.

Gotta go figure out supper... Dustin wants tuna, but Joshua doesn't. I don't know what I want. I'm constantly hungry, it seems like; my body is not really wanting to do *this* food-restriction thing. I can really get out of control if I'm not careful! So, to stay on track, I use an online program at www. myfitnesspal.com. It's been really amazing for keeping me on the wagon!! It tracks calories and exercise as well as nutrients like fiber, protein, carbs... breaks it down nicely. I used it before I got pregnant with Meaghan, then stopped. Now I'm using it again. I like it.

Anyway... supper.

'Later!

I'd should be packing, but...

.... I'd rather be blogging.

.... my little girlie has been napping since 6:00, and is stirring/waking up.

.... I'd rather be snuggling Meaghan.

.... I've had to deal with two rambunctious little boys who caused some bedtime trouble after Daddy left to go to a movie with a friend.

.... I'd rather be eating (I'd better snuggle Meaghan instead - much more beneficial!)

.... I'm getting allergic reactions to all the dust around here - who knew the places dust could hide? aaaaa-CHOO! I do think bookshelves must be the worst culprits.

I got our bookshelves packed up; well, about 3/4 of them anyway. We are cutting back on the number of books we're taking with us, which means we have a bunch to get rid of. I hope the used bookstore is ready for us!

I went to the pool again early this evening! It was awesome - It's really nice to feel like I'm actually going somewhere in the water! :) I can really push myself now; I don't have to watch for overexertion in pregnancy anymore. I actually could feel myself heating up and sweating in the pool today! It was marvelous. I feel great. I'm so happy to be swimming again.

It was a full and fun day today - church this morning, which was great; the fellowship we are finding there is beyond what we imagined could be. It's so... so... REAL. People actually care about one another. They are so giving - I am so used to being in churches where people are looking out for themselves only; in this place, it surprises me how unselfish people are, overall. And how sad is that, that unselfishness in a Christian community should surprise me...?

We went for lunch with Mike & Christina and their three young daughters (about our kids' ages). It was... interesting. Four adults, 6 kids under the age of 6. Actually, the kids behaved really well, and the babies were perfect. They have a 6-month-old named Madison. Such a honey! Mike is the children's & family life pastor at our church, and we've really enjoyed getting to know them. Oh, the discussions we've had... ha ha ha! And, it appears as though I must *may* get a swimming buddy in Christina!

Okay, okay... I should do up a couple more boxes before hitting the hay early. I'm playing "camp mom" at our Adventure Day Camps (VBS) at our church this week. There will be something like 6 camps running all summer; should be exciting! This is the first year Dustin will be going; due to his potty-training woes, I now have to be there/available. He has been doing much better again, but needs lots of reminders, which I simply can't put on the day camp staff to take on. So, it's me. Meaghan will get to know her wrap really well, I'm sure! :)

Back to the boxes. Maybe Meaghan will surprise me and sleep for a few more hours yet?

Back in the pool

I did it!

I finally got out to the pool again!

It's been way too long... I was hoping to swim to within 2 weeks before Meaghan was born. Well, I think my last swim was April 9th or 15th or somewhere in there... but then I got really tired and could hardly drag my sorry butt up and down the stairs, never mind to the pool.

Then she was two weeks late.

Then I had trouble with extra bleeding post-partum - it would stop for a few days, I'd do a light workout or go for a half-hour walk, and it would start again, so I'd rest, and it would stop after a few days... repeat cycle several times... each time I was told to take it easier and easier... finally my body smartened up and I was given the all-clear to get back in the pool.

Now Meaghan is almost 8 weeks old, and it's been over 2 1/2 months since I've been in the water!

But I did it tonight.

I could have been packing boxes, or doing laundry, or goodness, even going to bed! But I fed Meaghan, prayed she would stay down for the night (turns out she didn't and Graeme had some fun trying to soothe her while I was gone), and left. I just did a quick half-hour swim, but it was the best half-hour swim I've ever had, distance-wise. I feel ah-may-zing.

So I called Graeme when I was back in the car (it's a 15-minute drive home), and he then informed me that Meaghan had been up screaming a couple of times; he spent about half an hour trying to get her back to sleep; she started screaming again, so I told her to 'pinkie' her (i.e. she doesn't take a soother so we use our pinky fingers - works like a charm, and never gets lost!) until I got home.

I got home, found the two of them downstairs watching TV - Meaghan asleep in Daddy's arms, but she woke when she heard my voice. I took her and laid her sweetly back in bed... and she's out.

I guess Daddy didn't need me after all.

:)

This is the thing. I don't give her bottles. I've pumped and attempted a bottle twice - the first time was a failure and the second a success (she had just woken up after her 5-hour stretch of sleep early morning and was starving!). But I just don't really feel right about making that a habit... Graeme's parents are really pressuring me to teach her how to take a bottle, which is probably part of the reason I'm resisting. I can go for a swim after she's in bed, and everyone will live. Sure, it's a little inconvenient to try and pack up our house with a baby around needing to nurse, but really, she provides me with my 15-minute "put my feet up and rest" break every couple of hours when she's awake. It's God's gift to mamas to make us slow down once in a while!

Anyway... laundry calls. It's 11:43. Maybe i can get a load or two folded before bed.

Aches

Strange; after logging onto Blogger this morning, with the intent of grumbling about my aches and pains, I saw that my friend Paige had blogged about her sore knee when running. Poor girl!

So my deal today is that my stomach is on fire.

On. Fire.

It might have to do with a change in diet... or the drink I'm doing in the morning (followed an hour later by green tea)... or stress.... but it feels like I'm getting an ulcer. I don't say this lightly; I've had ulcers before (picture: camera down throat to diagnose with certainty), and I don't like how this feels.

My friend Karen is coming over in about an hour to be with the kids while I start packing. We move in 28 days, and I've gotten two boxes packed. Two. Go, me!

Aching

Meaghan wakes from a nap, and I go in to soothe my lonely and hungry baby.

Her warm body curls into mine, and she immediately melts and relaxes.

And my heart wants to jump out of my chest and forever hold her like this.

I find myself constantly drawn to her.

I want her face etched into my memory.

Her smile.

Her tiny eyelashes when she falls asleep in my arms.

That sweet little nose.

And her lips.

I stroke her tuft of hair.

She is perfect.

I want to press the pause button of her life, and just stay here forever.

I can't bear the thought of forgetting all these little things.

I ache for her.

I want her to grow up knowing and loving and joyfully serving God.

Knowing that her Heavenly Father is all-sufficient.

That He loves her, treasures her, cherishes her.

I want her to know how much she is worth - priceless.

I want her to be strong and courageous.

I remember how unsure I was during my pregnancy with her...

Would I love her?

Would my overwhelm get the best of me?

Would resent her, then?

I was so afraid...

But I love her more than I can even imagine. I am bursting.

My overwhelm is not even coming close to being a factor.

I do not resent her, not in the least.

She is mine for as long as God sees fit to have lent her to me.

And I am not afraid.

God is good.

He knows what He is doing.

He knew what He was doing when Meaghan was conceived.

A surprise to us, but not to Him.

I've decided that I really, really like surprises.