Oh, Dustin...

Dustin and his little friend Ronan were playing so nicely together in the church preschool room yesterday. Karen (a different one from my friend who has just moved, and who was working the room yesterday) hear two happy boys say, "Wowwwww!" and "Cooooooool!" back and forth to each other.

She said, "It was at that point I should have turned around." But they were happy, so she didn't think anything of it.

She eventually turned around to witness a whole pile of sand under the sand table, growing by the second... Dustin had found the plug and pulled it.

He wasn't being bad, but as boys (and maybe girls?) do, he felt something waaaaay down there in the sand and since he couldn't see it, he just fiddled with it and pulled till it came out.

It was a *bit* of a cleanup job, but since it was all in one neat little mountain, it wasn't so bad.

Ohhhh, Dustin... *smacks head*

(I think they're going to consider gluing it in place...)

In other news...

Meaghan has a fever yet again. Why....? Not sure. :( It's going to be an interesting day. She seems to be really prone to fevers, li'l hunny.

We are blessed with some good 'quality' friends in our church.

I am singing in a ladies' Christmas event tonight at our previous church. When I was asked again to sing in the little trio that sang at last year's event, I said, "Oh, you haven't replaced me yet?" Vanessa said, "Oh Melissa, we never intended on replacing you!" Oh... okay! But it's going to be interesting if little Meggie-bear's fever doesn't break.

Must go... Joshua is starting to put lights on the tree without me. :)

Big News

No, we're not pregnant.

No, we're not moving.

No, we're not dying.

No, we're not leaving our church.

But we did sell our pharmacy.

I know, this probably sounds a little shallow, but believe me, it's not. I've waited about 7 years for this day.

Some history:

We have been in business for 8 years now. Our first location was in a dumpy little strip mall next to a doctor's clinic. The books, when we first bought the business, showed a certain volume of prescriptions. In reality, the actual volume was about 25% of what was stated on the books (they'd manipulated a few numbers). This was not even enough to live off of, and as a result, I had to go find a full-time job. This was not ever our intention. So I worked full time until we were able to *finally* have a baby.

So we spent 3 years 'catching up' to where we originally thought we would be on day one of the business. We then were bought out by a guy who was opening up another Shoppe two blocks away (head office wasn't going to tell us, but Conrad was kind enough to get us in the loop). So we combined the two stores, Graeme became 40% shareholder for his investment, and a partnership was born where Graeme was the operating manager and pharmacist in a new location, and Conrad was the financial investor (and hasn't worked a single day in the store).

The changeover happened when Joshua was 4 months old. Graeme missed most of the first year of Joshua's life - he doesn't really remember anything. Overnight, the business volume quadruped, and to date, has probably almost doubled again over that (in 5 years). Graeme spent about 6 months tweaking, refining processes, doing renovations, and all sorts of things to make that tiny space more functional.

And he did it. He is a good manager. He is a good pharmacist. But to do both and still feel like you're involved with family... it's too much. Sure, he could spend 14-hour days every day at the store... and that's exactly what he did for quite some time. We had very little family time. And slowly Graeme's headspace went from being "his" to completely belonging to the operations and frustrations of the pharmacy ownership. Staffing problems, customer issues, doctor issues, stuff going on in the world of pharmacy in general created stress for him that was not healthy.

Living and breathing your job is not good, especially to the detriment of your family and your own personal being.

After we had Dustin, I started my own personal downward spiral known as 'hormonal depletion' and consequent post-partum depression. It was pretty dark for me, and Graeme supported me the best he could given his own dedication to the pharmacy... and I supported him the best I could given that I could barely function most days. You can see how this might have affected our marriage and family.

So, after the last 3 years of going back & forth, going on a vacation with the family to clear our heads and see through, me wanting (and ready!) for Graeme to reclaim himself, and him not being ready and thinking that he can "try one more thing" to see if he can make it work... he finally has realized that this is not what he's meant to do.

The final decision came (believe me, there was a LOT of flip-flopping on his part, and even now, many doubts!) a couple of months ago, and when Graeme called his business partner yet again to tell him once again that he was ready to sell (again), we were met with a little twist in the plot.

The original plan was to find a buyer for Graeme's 40% shares. That might've been Conrad, or another couple of people we had in mind to approach.

Conrad said that two days previous, Head Office had called him and said that Rexall was very interested in buying our store... Rexall has been buying up and moving all the Medicentres in the city, and the medicentre next to us was no exception. So negotiations began, due diligence was initiated, paperwork and forms were filled out, meeting with lawyers were executed, deadlines were extended, and pen put to paper a few times.

And it's done.

Graeme has doubted, wavered, worried, and felt guilty about how his customers and staff will feel. I have not doubted this one iota in the last several years... when I see how it's changed Graeme and reduced him to a slave to his work, of course I don't doubt.

December 7th will be the changeover date. The banner will be changed, and Graeme will no longer be an independent owner of this store. His staff has all been interviewed and will likely all be offered jobs, the location will stay the same for the time being, and in a few months (maybe years?) the location will disappear and be merged with the new Rexall in another part of town.

Graeme will stay on during the transition. Telling his favorite patients and his staff and the doctors has been hard, but for the most part, he has been met with support and encouragement. (Again, I knew he would be, but he was worried about worst-case scenario.) His time at the store will be an extra 4-6 weeks after December 7th, through banner change and software system changeovers.

Then...?

Hopefully 4-6 weeks completely off, to clear his head of all this baggage. Hopefully a little holiday somewhere in there. Beyond that - well, he's not allowed to work retail dispensing pharmacy for 5 years within a 5km radius of the current location (unless it's Rexall), which encompasses all of our town. He will be allowed to work clinic style pharmacy - PCN, travel clinic, consulting for doctors - in town, or work dispensing in the city. There's a reason he wants to get away from dispensing, so we're not too worried about the non-competition agreement he had to sign as part of the deal. He already has 3-4 job offers, so getting work will not be a problem at all.

I am looking forward to Graeme rediscovering himself. I am looking forward to us reclaiming our marriage, and seeing our family fluorish. I am looking forward to seeing what God will do with us.

But, pray for us. The next 2 months will not be easy - long hours, lots of stress to come - and difficult decisions to make yet.

Conversation with Meaghan

I just can't resist posting this one of Meaghan... hee hee... kinda lame-o, I know, for a blog post. But she was talking so nicely today, and I took a video to share with my friend Karen (who

moved away yesterday and who will LOVE to see this!).

(Remember to pause the music at the bottom of my blog page.)

The light goes on

...and I'm not sure how bright it actually is. :)

I've had a constant headache for almost 5 weeks now. It's been nasty and I've not been functioning well. I've been doing massage and chiropractics, which have helped in the past but don't seem to be touching it this time around.

I've been wondering if it's a depression thing, or a stress thing, or an exhaustion thing, or an "I can't handle my kids" thing, or what...?

Yesterday, I realized something.

I think it's a combination of stress & exhaustion, BUT, I think it's largely a hormonal thing.

This dumb headache started right after my first period after having Meaghan. I've been more irritable, more tired, and less able to cope with *life* since my cycle returned.

I thought I was in the clear. I'd been feeling SO good since Meaghan's arrival, and thought I would avoid the bumps in the road. But apparently I was wrong.

This is not a fun place to be. And there's not even anything anyone can do to help me with my hormonal state (which is a mess outside of pregnancy & nursing) until I'm done nursing my baby. It is my goal to nurse Meaghan for as long as possible - the boys were 15 & 16 months, and I'd like to go at least that long with Meaghan. But, if my physical condition continues to deteriorate, at what point do I say, "enough is enough" and get myself back on track?

Meds are not a great option - nsaids give me ulcers in a relatively short period of time, tylenol doesn't touch the pain, and most other meds are not necessarily compatible with nursing. I've done the chiropractic and massage thing, to no avail. I'm cutting down/out sugar (fruit being the exception), and working on getting more sleep (last night was almost 12 hours). I'm drinking loads of water - at least 3 litres a day, and avoiding caffeine.

Any other ideas? I know there are some more 'natural' mommas out there - I would welcome any other insights you might have. I can't *do this* alone!

Time to shine

There comes a crisis in every Body, where the members either get to shine, or falter.

I hope our church shines. So far, our corporate response to a crisis situation has raised no red flags for me. Supporting the right people in the right ways, not even letting an elephant come into the room, praying together, not gossiping, filling in gaps...

I like.

I don't like that there has to be situations like this, but I am blessed to be part of the action plan in the little way that God has placed me here. I can pray. I can serve. I can make a phone call. I can e-mail. I can encourage. I can come alongside and grieve.

*This* is what church is about. Community. Serving God by also serving others. So many other things, too... but for today, that's what it is to me.

Transitions

I have felt for a couple of weeks like I am 'slipping'. Not sure if it's the change of seasons, hormones relaxing after Meaghan was born, the stress of our current situation and the associated lack of sleep, or....? But anyway, I feel like I've got to start fighting harder again. Fight to exercise, fight to keep the house cleaner, fight to not be irritable, fight to eat healthy, fight to stay level-headed, fight to offload this headache that has plagued me almost every day for a month now. If I don't fight, I will slip back to the place that I definitely don't want to go again. I can't afford to go *there* - for the sake of my children and my husband. I am scared.

Anyway...

In a few days one of my best friends will be moving away, to a whole 'nother province. I spent some time at her house last night, in the midst of packed boxes... I brought soup and sandwiches over for supper, and thankfully she still had a can opener unpacked. This dear lady, whose children are grown and off in college this year, has been a mentor, encourager, prayer warrior, and sounding board. She can still be all of those things, but hugs just aren't the same over the phone. I'm going to miss her. She is important to the boys, too, though I'm not sure they really understand that she's moving far, far away. Hopefully we can get a video chat thing working once she moves.

I have been blessed to have other women enter my life, too, though. No one will ever replace Karen, but God knows... and last night after I got home from Karen's, another friend came over. We sipped tea, ate granola bars, and chatted... even shared some unexpected tears. God has blessed me with some other really good girlfriends; I am so thankful for them. Some are only online, some live farther away and I only see them once every year or so, and some are in my community.

Each has a purpose. I wouldn't trade any of them for anything. God knows we need relationship and community. Even in the seasons of change, I am thankful.

Sneak peek

'S nothing special, but I sure had fun creating it anyway!

Some progress

A few notes:

I am *close* to being able to tell you the cause of all the stress. Since some of my readers live really close to me, I still have to be careful. :) Be patient, mes amies, be patient! But the stress is sending me over the edge... leading worship yesterday was a bit painful and very much exhausting.

Meaghan has been ca-rabby lately! Not like all day or anything, but just cranky. Her gums have been swollen, gone down, tooth popping up, tooth popping down... but TODAY, the tooth is here to stay!! And guess who has a happy Dollie again?

Life with the boys is really hard right now. I am struggling.

I made my first digital scrapbook!! :) I can't share deets yet... sorry... it's a gift for someone. I am using a program called MemoryMixer. I like it a lot, but am running into a few glitches here and there. Not sure why....? But anyway, I have it mostly tweaked and mostly uploaded to Shutterfly.

I leave you with this: a note from yesterday's sermon: The question is not "Is God on my side?", but rather, "Am I on God's side?"

Another chapter closing

Still can't share too much yet...

...but a phone call we've been waiting for a week for has finally happened. (Prior to that, it was meetings, lawyers, signatures, more meetings, deadline extensions, more meetings and more signatures.)

Pray for Graeme. He is sick to his stomach, although he knows this turn of events is ultimately a good thing. For me, I've been waiting for this day for, umm, about 7 years.

There's a long road ahead of us still, and a lot of stress, likely - me carrying the load here while Graeme deals with *stuff* - but in the end we'll be better for it.

Will keep you posted as I'm able....

Thanks, ladies. I am blessed to have you all in my life. :)

Excited!!

...my childhood friend, Erin, who is living in Australia for the next several months with her little family, is in labour with baby girl #3! Pray... her water broke almost 2 days ago, she is in labour now, though every time she moves, the contractions peter out. Baby, come OUT! Body, WORK!!

Oldest girlie (born in Austria) will be 4 at the beginning of February... middle girlie (born in Canada) will be 1 at the end of November.

Pray with me, bloggy mamas!!

Sunday

Nutsy day.

Meaghan doesn't fall asleep in church much any more; the nursery is very noisy these days!! So, I wrapped her to me and she fell asleep for about 20 minutes during the worship service today. I was hoping for more, but she was at least super-content while she was wrapped. I LOVE my wrap! That thing has saved me sooooo much grief, and has saved Meggie a lot of grief, too.

That being said, she was super-crabby today. She is definitely teething - yesterday I felt a little tooth trying to pop through. It's *just* under the gum now!! Poor honey. She is not the easy teether that Joshua was. She is, however, better than Dustin was. :)

She finally napped this afternoon, but after about 45 minutes, woke screaming. Since every single bed in the house was taken, and Graeme had the 'big' sofa in the living room, I headed down to our newly carpeted basement, laid down on the floor, laid her beside me, latched her on, and we both fell asleep within about 10 minutes. Graeme woke me up around 3:30 and said, "There's something attached to you!" Hee hee. Normally I don't let her nurse that long - she wasn't nursing, obviously, for an hour, but I was so tired that I didn't even care that she was using me as her pacifier. We both slept, and that was the goal.

We were supposed to go swimming as a family with Mike & Christina & their girls this afternoon. But in light of Meggie's grumpiness (it continued when she woke again), I opted to stay home with her while the boys went. Good thing; she blew her diaper twice. Can you imagine? I'm not sure a swim diaper would contain breast-fed baby's poop, would it?

So anyway, Graeme came and picked Meaghan and I up a little later and we headed over to M&C's for supper. It was fun, chaotic, and uplifting all at the same time.

Got home, got boys ready for bed, put Meggie to bed, cut Graeme's hair, and then proceeded to continue working on my office. :) We bought Ikea cabinets like we had in our office at the acreage, but this time, different colored door fronts. Anyway, this is night #3 of working on them. First night; assemble 10 cabinets (including two corner cabinets with carousels in them). Second night, mount cabinets on wall. Graeme had to help with that one, although I did ALL the assembly alone. Third night (tonight), install door hardware - handles and hinges - and mount doors (again, alone). Check, check, and triple-check!!

Maybe I'll start filling the cabinets. We can't build the tall cabinets and install the table-tops until the floor and baseboard are finished, so I can't really settle into my office yet, but I can sure get a head start!!!

Good night... 's late again.

Heart on my sleeve

I am an unusual person.

Sometimes big things don't 'move' me. Other times, the smallest thing will compel me to act.

In recent days I have been overcome with joy, grief, peace, excitement, anticipation, and sorrow. The roller coaster seems unbearable at times... and I get motion sick easily.

I've been told by some that I'm too sensitive. However, I think that, to a certain extent, this can be a gift.

A meal for a friend whose household (4 children) has been very ill, and now she herself has been taken down... I don't know her that well, but I felt like I *needed* to do something.

Re-reading another friend's blog posts from a year and a half ago, and being overcome anew with sorrow, petitioning our God for a new level of healing and grace...

Having my heart walk outside of my body in several ways, bearing the exhaustion of a fevered baby, a little guy with nightmares, and another little guy with lotsa needs...

I'm wanting my heart to be shaped into the mold of our Father's hand ~ to let my heart be broken with the things that break His heart. To pray as His Spirit would give me words or groanings. To love as He would love.

But I'm not perfect. And it shreds my heart to pieces when I fly off the handle with one of my boys, sinning against them. Or when I *miss* that one of my friends is hurting, and I just carry on, completely oblivious, only to realize later how blunt or uncaring I must've seeemed.

How can I be so sensitive one moment, and so insensitive the next? I don't want my kids or friends to think that I'm two-faced, hypocritical, or self-serving... because I don't want to be that, either. It has to be about Him, or my actions are nothing. Chaff in the wind. Stubble to be burned up.

Lord, please give me a tender heart....

Meaghan the Knight... and other miscellaneous shots

I'm not the only one who seems to like playing dress-up with Meaghan... the boys insisted she wear their knight's helmet the other day!

Dustin repositioning said helmet after Meaghan pulled it off:

She's about to be 'knighted' by one of her brothers - probably Dustin:

A happy little knight-ess, especially now that the silly helmet is off!

Onto bigger and better missions: biting Daddy's finger off! (Notice how white her fingertips are from gripping so hard!):

From a day or two later - Daddy and his sick little Dollie sharing a tender moment:

A sunrise from our house the other morning - looking out our bedroom window!

Change of heart

Here is today's promised post about why we changed our minds about trick-or-treating, or even dressing up.

The long and short of it is this: we were not comfortable ostracizing ourselves in our brand new community by being the ONLY house with our lights off.

I know it's not about what's comfortable, and I certainly wasn't 'for' the T&T-ing... still am not, really!

However, the conclusion I did come to was this: we are in a new neighborhood, all the families have really young children, and it was a really neat opportunity to socialize with a lot of the other families on our crescent; families that we would not normally chat with on a day-to-day basis.

I think we'll probably evaluate this one every year, actually. For this year, we 'gave in'. We connected with our neighbors in a new and fun way; nobody was dressed up as a witch or a devil. Rather, our step was visited by many princesses, lions, a cow, some Star Wars little guys, a Pooh bear and two Tiggers, and even a banana. We got to meet a lot more of the parents from the other end of the crescent. We even discovered that a guy that Graeme used to work with at the PCN also lives on our street - about 10 houses down!

We didn't want to ostracize ourselves. Our closer neighbors know where we stand with going to church and even with drinking (having been offered but politely refusing), and it's OK. If we totally separated ourselves for this one night, we would completely have sent the message that "we're too good for you", just based on what we know of our neighbors. We want to keep communication and connection open, not shut it down. Right now, it's about developing - not squelching - those relationships... opening doors to curious people... windows of opportunity to more freely and credibly share the Gospel...

For this year, it's OK. The boys had fun, no one had spooky dreams, and they go to chat with a lot of their little friends along the way. We have way too much candy in the house, but Mama gets to dole it out, and the boys know that they don't just get to have some whenever they want.

We were glad we made the decision we did. No evil lurked on Summercourt Terrace this year. We also educate our boys on why certain aspects of Hallowe'en are evil. I guess it's sort of like Christmas - we still 'do' certain parts of the secular world of Christmas, but caution the boys on the materialism and such. (And yes, we do let them believe in Santa.) We tend to balance that well, we think, with talking about how God would have us share Him in the situations we're in, and then act accordingly.

So there you have it.

(The other guy in the pictures is Tim, and his little Super Lion, Hudson. We also went to Gramma & Grampa's for a quick visit; Meaghan changed into a poodle costume since she couldn't go in her carseat with her mermaid costume on!)

Sittin' Pretty = Wordless Wednesday 2

Wordless Wednesday

...thoughts to go with this post, tomorrow. 'Cuz I bet you're wondering what changed our minds...

a new week

Last night I got to bed around 12:45.

It was the best night of sleep I'd had in what feels like ages... Dustin didn't come in with any bad dreams. Normally he comes into our room and just talks like it's daytime - loud voice, intrusive, funny, sweet... but then we're awake for a long time afterwards. Last night, he slept through. Whew!

My sweet dollie woke up with a fever in the night, though. Not sure why... it's not H1N1 as she doesn't have the classic cough and breathing troubles, so I'm not sure what her issue is. It's just so sad to see the wee ones become so helpless. She's so sweet, though. Limp li'l girl.

So, we're waiting, and waiting, and waiting... there's something sorta big coming down for us in the next couple of months, but we're now playing the waiting game on something that is totally out of our control. It's ups & downs right now... leaning on Jesus, learning to trust all over again...

Have a splendid day! (Lunch today is leftover soft tacos from supper last night... yummmmm....)