Santa!!

I couldn't not take Santa-hat pictures this year; so they're late, but still done.  The boys enjoyed it... Meaghan, not so much... you'll see.  :)

Sweeties...

How can I not love these little people?

Yet more confusion...

Sometimes, I have to wonder if it's *me*.

If *I* am the common denominator to the messes around me, then could it be that *I* am the cause of it all?

I don't think I am, but somewhere, the question begs asking.

Yesterday - Christmas Day.  I won't get into the regular stuff of it, because that's a whole 'nother post.  However, there was another little line I wasn't intending to have to cast, and it shook me.

It was around 9:45 p.m., and the last of Graeme's family were contemplating leaving.  We still had not gotten the boys to bed.  Graeme told me, "If you're still intending to call your mom, you probably should do it soon."

Ummm...

She hasn't bothered to return my calls, e-mails, or letters since February.  This had the potential for full awkwardness.

What I wanted to do and what I needed (or what was right) to do were two separate things.  Given the complete silence on her part during the last 10 months, did I want to call?  No.  I wanted to keep spending time with my boys, snuggling them, putting them to bed, and then just collapse into my own bed. End of Christmas Day.

Sigh.  I didn't.  I went upstairs, called, and was thoroughly *not* disappointed, yet disappointed all at the same time.

To say I wish she wouldn't have answered would be accurate.  Leaving a message would have been so much easier.

There were several awkward moments - I'll spare you the details - but she expressed little interest in the fact we were having another baby, yet also reprimanded me for not sending her pictures of the kids this Christmas, all the while saying how busy she was that she didn't do anything for Christmas herself...  She didn't acknowledge my letters or e-mails... but the moment that got me the most was when I told her that Murray had died, all she said was, "Oh."  No sympathy, no questions, nothing.  Just, "Oh."

The art of conversation is lost on this woman.  I admit, I have not always been the best conversationalist, but there are, in my mind, some things that really should be said...

Do I expect too much from people?  I am starting to wonder if *I* am the problem...

10 Years

Remembering...
     our first little "bean"...
on Christmas Eve.

'Tis another one of Christmas' sad moments for me.
Pondering what could have been,
     but still thankful for what is.

The real story

So, those of you who know me, know that I would never really start a family feud.  On purpose, anyway.

Those of you who also know me well, know my "extended family" situation, and a lot of the anomalies that come with said family.  That being said, I fully admit that I am not perfect.  However, there are some things that should never be said and done to family members.  Lines were crossed, and I stood my ground... and it didn't go over well.

I am firm in my belief that my kids can be each others' best playmates, and that when the two eldest are removed from the equation, suddenly my "workload" becomes a lot heavier as I juggle a squirmy busy toddler with meals, cleaning, and everything else that I am expected to do.  This person thought she would be helping, and I respectfully told her that I needed the boys to stay home and help with Meaghan/tasks if I was going to get everything done that I needed to do.  I was told that this was ridiculous reasoning and that I was just keeping my boys here and using them as pawns against her just because of....?  I don't even know.

*This* is what started it all.  I can't even follow the train of thought, it was so skewed.  Anyway...

I firmly believe that you should never hold past "good deeds" over others' heads, saying, "Everything you are, you are because of me."  I choose to believe that God makes us who we are, when we listen to Him.  Yes, He can use other people to help shape us, but to presume that you have the only influence over someone's outcome in life is just, well, wrong and conceited.

I believe that it should be OK if you prayerfully make decisions that are different from the decisions others would make.  It should never be judged or held against you, or held above you in a sense of, "You wait and see, you'll find out I'm right."  (They usually never are right... Graeme and I know our family best.)  I am up for discussion any time - really, I am - but I am not up for constant judgment and criticism.

I believe that if someone says, "I love you," and "I think you're capable," they should never also say, "Shut up and grow up," and "you still need me to tell you what to do because you can't figure it out on your own," all in the same conversation.

I also believe that if someone already knows their faults, you shouldn't constantly remind them of how ____ they are.  That's not love.  That's not respect.  That's just... I don't know.  Hurtful and demeaning.  I got it my entire life from my dad; I don't need it from the family I married into as well.

And I am supposed to continue loving that person?

Some people don't like boundaries.  If I am not allowed to respectfully (and yes, it was respectfully - at least for the first half hour of the conversation!) disagree with someone, and if I am not allowed to explain why I stand on the ground I do, then what is the relationship?  A sham.

I was backed into a corner at one point in the conversation, being told that I was the only person in the world who thought those things about how this person treated others.  I stood my ground - I certainly am *not* the only person - we have many friends and other family members who have witnessed this person's ways and commented to us at length about it - and unfortunately I was slandered and pressured in this particular encounter, and other people came into the conversation briefly.  Now the entire family thinks this is *my* fault... and we're hosting Christmas dinner... and honestly, I want to disappear.

Because if I didn't like Christmas much before, this year...?  I could do completely without.  The only saving grace is that because I am hosting, I can spend most of my time in the kitchen, away from everyone else.

I guess I just don't get it...

I am looking forward to spending Christmas morning with my littles, and Christmas Eve service with my little family and church friends, but I am not looking forward to being forced to spend around 10 hours with the extended family in a 24 hour period.  Not one bit.  Any thoughts?  I really would be open to them...  Really.  'Cuz I am hurting... and ready for some healing.

I am awesome

In just under 24 hours, I made the equivalent of about 15 family meals, cooked, fully ready to thaw and warm through.  (I'm not done yet, though... long story.)

I made gingerbread men.
I did a ton of shopping.
And my best effort?  I started a family feud, all because someone else's "suggestion" was not going to work for me.

Don't mess with a pregnant woman.  Actually, it's more like, "if you could actually stop talking long enough to listen to my reasoning, and stop calling me ridiculous and telling me to shut up and grow up, then you might actually understand where I'm coming from..."  But no.

Pure awesomeness, I tell ya.

It's time...

It's time for another rant.

I really don't like Christmas.  There.  I've said it.

I don't like the pressure of having to shop, I don't like the pressure of deciding who should bring what for Christmas dinner (because that's just what's expected), I don't like that I'm going to have to make my house sparkle before company comes in what, 8 days? - because they can't take me as I am, with 3 little kids...

I don't have time for all of this *busy-ness*.

I want to be like Mary.  To sit at Jesus' feet, and simply learn from Him.

I am tired of peoples' expectations.  I am sick of all the hype of "making Christmas perfect", which, sadly, in most peoples' eyes, means *me* rushing around madly trying to get it all done just the way they want it done.

Imperfection is not allowed.  There is no time to sit and reflect on what Christmas really is.  And I am resentful.

I hate that I can't spend time just playing with my kids these days, because it means that I'm not getting enough crossed off of the to-do list that others have created for me.

I'm sorry, but between the death of our close friend, just overcoming a 10-week illness during pregnancy (including - oh joy, the stomach flu to cap off everything else), and other factors where I am drawn to *be with* people in their needs - I am unable to meet peoples' expectations of what I *should* be doing, in their eyes.

I don't want to fit society's mold.  I don't even want to fit my family's mold.  I want to fit God's mold... meeting people where they're at, ministering to others in their hurts, being with my children in meaningful ways... rather than putting everyone else last, after all the *tasks* I am expected to accomplish to make everyone else's Christmas perfect.

You know when I really start to enjoy the Christmas season?

On Boxing Day.

By then, expectations are gone.  I can actually relax and enjoy music, spend time with people, and let my hair down.  But right now?  I am stressed to the max.  I am done.  I know there has to be a balance in there somewhere - being with and ministering to others, vs. doing what needs to be done here in preparations for Christmas.  Truthfully, it doesn't matter how much I do to please certain people, it will never be enough.  *I* will never be good enough.  And it makes me want to revolt and just rather be with the people who will take me as I am, crunchy floors and all.  I yearn for people-time... for heart-to-heart time... for learning from others and doing things *because* I love people, not because I'm some superwoman and am expected to make it all happen *in order to* be loved and approved of.

But for tonight... there is laundry to be folded, Christmas concert stuff to put away, food to be prepared, shopping lists to be compiled, meals to plan, people to contact, activities to shuffle, and much, much more.

I just want to sit at His feet for a while, and be refreshed.

A long and winding road

Dear friends,

Kerry had her baby very early this morning - at 1:06 a.m., via c-section.  At 36 weeks gestation, her "little" girl, Aliyah Grace, was a whopping 7 lbs 7 oz.

So, while Aliyah's arrival should be full of rejoicing (and it is, somewhat), there is still a long road ahead for Kerry.

The kidney issues still aren't resolved.  They will require surgery, but since she had to have a c-section (following what I'm sure she would call a botched induction after one nurse said her cervix was ready for the drip when it was in fact not ready at all), she has to wait an undetermined amount of time before she can have the kidney surgery.

This kidney trauma is causing great distress.  Kerry is not only recovering from major abdominal surgery with her c-section, but is in extreme pain (agony!) with her kidneys.  This is surely overshadowing the initial joy of motherhood for her.  I've seen her in pain, and I wish I could take some of it for her even now so that she could enjoy her beautiful daughter.

To add insult to injury, Kerry could only get a semi-private room last night, which resulted in her husband being "forced to leave" - Michael is not easily forced to do anything, but he had to leave the hospital.  I couldn't imagine - knowing your wife is in agony, wondering how she will care for a newborn, knowing that the night shifts are short-staffed and wondering who will care for the babe.  My heart is breaking for them.

I was incredibly blessed to spend about 9 hours over two days with Kerry in the hospital.  It was an honor and privilege to be there.  When I arrived yesterday, I fully expected to be told that she was sleeping and that I should go home.  I didn't expect to stay.  After chatting with Kerry briefly, Michael told me, "Just a short visit."  I didn't go for a 4-hour stint; I went to see if there was anything he needed from home since his cell was dead and I didn't think he'd been home in about 36 hours.

Kerry had me stay.  I kept asking her if she wanted me to go, but she let me stay.  It wasn't until Kerry kept getting bumped again and again down the c-section line that Michael suggested I go home then - it was quite late already by that point.  Kerry had not eaten in over 30 hours by this point, and was dizzy, nauseous, exhausted (having gotten maybe 10-15 hours of sleep in the entire 10 days previous to this), and overcome.  She and Michael needed their space, and I could totally respect that.

The expression of love between her and Michael was nothing short of breathtaking and moving.  He was completely into her, yet both of them were so distraught over the circumstances.

Kerry wanted nothing more than to have a natural delivery.  Her dreams were fading quickly, but her body was failing her.  She is having a really hard time coming to grips with this.  While she feels like a "wimp", I have seen nothing but absolute strength, determination, resolve, and grace from her.  Yes, mixed with absolute agony and distress, but honestly - she handled it beyond what anyone could have imagined.  She is my hero.

Miss Aliyah was taken to the NICU this morning; I haven't heard anything since on how she's doing, how Kerry is doing, etc.  My one big concern at this point - beyond getting the kidney system figured out and fixed - is for Kerry's desire to breastfeed Aliyah.  Hospitals are notorious for hampering breastfeeding attempts at the best of times, and the odds are stacked against Kerry even moreso.  I hope to connect with her or Michael tonight to see how they are all doing; and to support Kerry in her efforts to nurse her almost-preemie (who is having struggles of her own).  I spoke with a doula this morning and got some great ideas/tips for Kerry, above what I already knew - hopefully I won't have to even go there.  I don't want to come across as a know-it-all, because I certainly am not, but I know her desires and I know she trusts me and my support, so it's there if she needs it.

I know this is a long post, but I'd ask you to continue to pray for Kerry, Michael, and Aliyah.  I don't think I need to tell you how; you're all amazing women and can figure it out from what I've written here. :)

Much love,
Melissa

The Anatomy of a Pregnancy Food Craving, Broken Down into 10 Simple Steps

I found this article here, and Graeme and I both had a big laugh over it!

Even my husband, sweet and godly man that he is, to this day… 23 years and 7 pregnancies later… does not understand in his heart of hearts the strange animal that is the pregnancy food craving.  So, for all you fathers and fathers-to-be out there, I’m here to help you out.  I’m going to break it down for you in the simplest of terms. This will help you and potentially save your life. You can thank me later.

1) When a pregnant woman needs something to eat, she needs something to eat RIGHT THAT VERY MINUTE. Any delay of any kind will result in an onslaught of nausea and fatigue (and possible grumpiness about the nausea and fatigue) the likes of which ruins every body’s day.

2) When a pregnant woman tells you she needs Joe’s Italian tomato soup, there is only one solution. Call Joe’s as you are driving over so that it can be ready to go as soon as you get there. No other tomato soup will do. Do not even think about bringing in a can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup from Publix. Bad things will happen.

3) Do not make fun of a pregnant woman’s food cravings. She knows it’s not normal to want mashed potatoes and cheesecake at 9:34pm.

4) Do not make substitutions when sent to the store for something specific. If Dove milk chocolate with almonds is not available at Publix, do NOT bring home Hershey’s milk chocolate with almonds. Go to another store until you find it. But, be quick about it. (See Rule #1)

5) Do not inquire, make reference to, or bring to attention in any way shape, form, or fashion the calorie count of a particular food craving. Just don’t do it. Trust me on this one.

6) If a pregnant woman does not get the specific thing she wants in the allotted time frame, she then feels very sick. Should this happen, it is best not to imply she might feel better if she would just get up and “do something” around the house. Bodily injury might occur. To you, that is.

7) Pregnant women eat lots of times during the day, usually not at the normal mealtime. Don’t tell a pregnant woman not to eat her pickles and raspberries because she’ll ruin her dinner. She knows when dinner is and she doesn’t care if she ruins it.

8 ) Speaking of dinner, do not complain when you are served hashbrown casserole every night for a week. When a pregnant woman finds something that works, she sticks with it.

9) Do not suggest that a pregnant woman might want to choose something healthier to eat. She knows it’s bad for her. But, she NEEDS it. It’s a strange dichotomy.

10) Last but not least, for all that is good and right, if your pregnant wife needs something from the store at midnight, get up out of bed and go get it for her… preferably without complaining. It will make both your lives happier.

This concludes today’s crash course in understanding the pregnancy food craving. Class dismissed.

Been thinking about...

Family.

Every time we anticipate the arrival of another wee one, or celebrate the birthdays of our ones already here, I am drawn to thoughts of family.

Let's see.

My dad refuses to talk to us, and we haven't seen him since Joshua was 4 months old.  Joshua is now almost 6 1/2 years old.  My father has never met Dustin or Meaghan.

Now, my mom.  She hasn't even seen us since Meaghan was about 5 days old.  She lives all of about an hour's drive away.  Me going out there is not really an option at this point; I need to withhold details on this one at this point in time.

My brother?  I've seen him all of 3 or 4 times in the last 13 years.  He's met Joshua and Dustin once, and has never met Meaghan.

My children do not know my family.  Most days, I'm fairly certain that I don't have one of my own.

Surprisingly, this doesn't upset me as much as you might think.  Sure, it causes me to reflect...

• to reflect on how God saved me from walking the same path as my parents and brother.  I might elaborate one day, but for now, I really need to leave details out.
• to reflect, as birthdays and special days come and go, on how it's *my family* that's really missing out.
• to reflect on the beautiful gifts in *friends* that God has instead blessed me with.

You see, I do have some "dads" who have spoken into my life.  Bruce, who still gives the best hugs ever, and who was the only man to interrogate Graeme when we first started dating.  If I could've, I would've asked Bruce to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day.  Then there's Dave - quiet, but sooooo wise.  Men of honor, integrity, Godliness.

I also have some "moms"... Bruce's wife, Donna, who ministered to me soon after I'd left home, and helped me learn how to let people love me.  She taught me about hot iced tea.  She is one of the most insightful and Godly women I know.  Having raised 4 children of her own and now enjoying grandchildren, I see her as the woman I want to be when I grow up.

Brothers.  Jerry - about the age of that my eldest brother would be had he lived.  I met him when Graeme and I first started dating - he was married with 2 children, and was Graeme's youth sponsor in high school.  I worked for him for just over 2 years, and in that time, came to love (and sometimes hate!) him for his humor, antics, and care for our family.  There's another guy - kind of like Jerry.  Two men who are exactly what I would've envisioned a brother to be.  They care about me, challenge me, and drive me crazy - sometimes not knowing when they've crossed the line.  They are good friends with my husband, and their wives are also good friends with us.

Sisters.  I presently have a few of them.  And a couple of mom/sister type people - sometimes not sure where to categorize them.  :)  Encouragers, challengers, friends, shoulders.  Non-judgmental, honest, and caring.  Exactly what I've always wanted in a sister, and I think what God would've intended, too.

Extended family - too numerous to mention, but chances are good that if you read this blog, you're part of that extended family - wanna be cousins?  :)

So, in all honesty, while there are some holes in my life, they are made much smaller by the space that these other "family" members take up in my heart.  It's good.  God is good and faithful.  He does not leave us as orphans...

I have a family.  It's not the one He gave me in my childhood, but it's the one that I'm growing up in.  I love my family.

Still a mystery...

God's hand.

Do I trust Him?  Yes.  But do I understand Him?  No.  I know I'm not supposed to, but some things seem so senseless.

My dear friend Kerry is now 36 weeks pregnant.  She has been hospitalized for the past week with extreme right upper quadrant pain; they've done a surgery to remove a kidney stone, but apparently there are a bunch more in there.  That aside, the number of other symptoms and complications are astounding, and the doctors can't, for the life of them, figure out what's wrong.  Baby is safe, for now, but Kerry is not necessarily "fine".  Kerry has absolutely no previous risk factors.  I would implore you to pray for wisdom for doctors, healing for Kerry, and continued safety for Baby.

Yesterday afternoon, we found out that our good friend - Graeme's best friend (since they were 8 years old) - Murray, died suddenly.  Murray was our best man at our wedding, the kids' honorary Uncle, and a man of incredible unwavering faith.  He was in a car accident about 9 1/2 years ago, and paralyzed from the chest down (still had use of his arms).  He's spent years in excruciating pain, with the doctors unable to find the cause or a cure.  So, he's been basically bedridden for the last 4 or 5 years.  The other night, he presented to one hospital with adominal pain; he was shipped to another hospital in the city where they discovered a ruptured appendix.  They operated, he was in recovery, and his parents went home, only to receive a phone call shortly thereafter that Murray was gone.  They suspect a blood clot caused a massive heart attack post-op, but they were unsure at the time.  Regardless... he's 36.  Why would a 36 year old man just die of a heart attack?  Why does God allow something so senseless?

I *know* all the right answers to that question - that He will bring good out of these situations, that Murray is no longer in pain, etc, but in the moment of grief, it can be little consolation to a family left behind mourning their son, uncle, and brother.

Makes my past 10 weeks of misery seem like a drop in the bucket...

Studious

I don't get many pictures of this little guy - my camera is not often in my hands when he's here, because it usually means I've got all 3 kids, and therefore my hands are full enough!  However, I couldn't resist...

Piano theory book.  Studious little buddy!

Dustin in "school"

Dustin seems to really get a charge out of doing schoolwork these days, especially when he sees Joshua with his piano theory book, or some spelling words, or something similar.  On this particular day, he wanted to work on some printing.  He did all the pages from K clean through to X.  I told him he could stop after about 4 pages, but he wanted to keep going!!  Lately, he's been enjoying "alphabet connect the dots" and other such preschool activities.  What a great kid!

He also likes to think he can make peanut butter sandwiches... hee hee... good start, buddy, but I think I'll keep working on it for you, for now.

Wonderful Meaghan Randomness

Playing trains one night - Dustin is such a good big brother and was showing her how to stick the trains together... and then they played...

When we're folding laundry, Meaghan has this thing about the boys' undies... and socks... and dancing.  One for the wedding slide show, hey?

If we keep our blinds all the way closed all night when it gets really cold, they are a bit foggy in the morning.  So I've employed some child labour... wipe windows, and I'll feed you.  Kidding.  She did this herself, after seeing Dustin do it on another window!

See?  I do feed her!  And if I don't, she goes and helps herself, especially if I've forgotten to close/lock the pantry door.  But really, Meaghan, Fibre 1?  Is it really that necessary?  Why not cheerios?

I introduced her officially to my kitchenaid mixer the other day.  We made sugar cookies for the first time.  She was in her glory!!

...and then she got hungry again.  It's all she thinks about!  This picture below - and the one of her carrying around the cereal box - are testimony that she is NOT a first-born, or even a second-born.  With Joshua, every single morsel of food had to be consumed at the table, sitting in a chair, with a bib on.  With Dustin, he just had to be at the table, sitting or standing.  With Meaghan?  As long as it's not making a mess on my floor, she's welcome to it... and it's my own dumb fault for leaving the pantry door open, so I guess I have the "cereal box take-out" coming to me, hey?

Joshua's Smile

Now with two teeth missing!!  Remember that random smack in the face?  This is the result:

Poor kid is having trouble eating apples now - no bottom teeth to chomp with!  So, we cut apples into wedges again...

Yuck

The stomach flu has hit our home.

Two days ago, Meaghan had a 3-hour throw-up stint.  I thought it was pretty random - no fever, no diarrhea, nothing else - so I figured she'd maybe picked up something off the floor and stuffed it in her mouth...  Our floors are bad, but not so bad that there's week-old meat on there or anything.

So anyway, she was done after 3 hours.

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling yucky, but it passed with a couple of soda crackers.

Today, not so much.  Someone on facebook set as their status, "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."  Someone else wrote in response, "Amen", to which I replied, "Amen to that, too, though I'd rather not be rejoicing over the porcelain throne today..."

Joshua is also queasy today.  Looks like we're in for it.  Oh well, at least it's not another respiratory infection...

Advent List

So I wanted to put our "advent list" on a separate post, you know, to split it up and not make yesterday's post too long!

We decided that we didn't want to just do treats in the pockets; the kids get enough junk from grandparents, etc, and we wanted to make advent a little more meaningful than chocolate.  :)  Don't get me wrong - nothing wrong with a little chocolate, but this being my first year of advent celebration, I wanted to see what I could do with it.

Like I mentioned in yesterday's post, our church gave us some awesome advent materials.  So, we are doing a scripture reading and devotional every night after supper as the "spiritual formation" side of advent.  But then, the pockets of our calendar have more of a practical hands-on component - sometimes a little more fun and self-focussed, and other times a little more selfless.

So, without further ado, here is our list of advent activities!

1. Make advent calendar and fill it with ideas (completed Sunday and Tuesday, but all one day's idea)
2. Buy food and bring it to the food bank (still to be completed - put the 'easy' idea in a previous pocket so that it would be an easy catch-up task)
3. Color pictures and mail them to our sponsored Compassion Canada children - we have four of them.  The boys did awesome!
4. Make advent wreath - really should've been done on Sunday, but I needed time to gather materials.  
5. Run the boys a massive bubble bath in our jet tub in our room.
6. Make paper snowflakes and decorate the house with them.  (I gotta admit, this one scares me.)
7. Make cookies and deliver them to friends from church, as well as neighbors.
8. Build a snowman (if the snow isn't the right consistency, we'll just play in the snow)
9. Have eggnog and cookies in front of the tree as a bedtime snack (we never do bedtime snacks!)
10. Go on an elf hunt (this will require some prep by moi, and some sneakiness, too!)
11. Make sock puppets and tell stories with them.
12. Have a big hot chocolate date in front of the fireplace.
13. Have a big Wii date with the kids - it's not something they get to do very often, so it'll be a novelty.
14. Go skating as a family (I need to buy J some new skates!)
15. Go visit Candy Cane Lane.
16. Choose gifts for our church's Christmas Tree of Hope - basically choosing gifts out of a catalogue for a developing nation - things like mosquito nets, a well, a cow, school supplies, etc.
17. Build a giant fort in the house and eat cookies inside it.  (Break out the vacuum, mama!)
18. Have each family member make a list of 10 things we're thankful for.
19. Dress up really fancy for a regular dinner at home.
20. Have a Christmas Movie Night.  (Any suggestions for children?)
21. Take the boys skiing for the first time.
22. Church Christmas Party
23. Shovel someone's driveway
24. Invite someone over for a special dinner
25. Go sledding
26. Act out the Christmas Story
27. Make cookies and meals, and deliver them to Graeme's grandparents
28. Finally - December 25th - in addition to everything else - go outside and play in the snow!!

There you have it... 28 days of family fun.  :)  I hope it goes well!

Celebrating Advent

A few years ago, if you'd asked me what I knew about "advent", I'd have told you, "Umm, nothing?"

I knew there were candles in a wreath, but I didn't know what they meant, or what order you light them in. Nothing.

But our new church (I still call it new even though we've been going there for over 2 years now!) has been very intentional about teaching about advent.  They've made it completely accessible to families, and have taught us how to teach our children about anticipating Christmas in a new way.  Two weekends ago, the family ministries department put on a "Take it Home Event" where families got to come and listen to a little presentation and then take home some fantastic advent resources.

...and I am EXCITED!!

Then, this past weekend, we had a Faith Family Fun Night, where around 15 families gathered to fellowship and make advent calendars.  Depending how how you 'do' advent, it's anywhere from 25-28 days - 28 days being if Christmas falls on a Saturday, where the first Sunday of Advent falls at the end of November (hope candle).  So anyway, I made my calendar for the full 28 days, and I gotta say, I'm pretty pleased with it!!  :)  It's so simple, but it was so fun to make; the kids got tired pretty quickly, and while Graeme helped a bit with it, he did have to chase Meaghan and make sure she didn't grab more cookies constantly.  So I ended up doing about 80% of it myself, but I had a lot of fun being in my "creative space"...  all I was given was some felt (color choices were not really given) some decorations, a pair of scissors, and a hot glue gun.  This is what I came up with:

Yesterday I stuffed the pockets with different activities... rolling up and tying those little things was tough!!  Sure fun to create an atmosphere of greater anticipation, though... and it's hanging right inside our front door.  

...he steals my heart every time...

How does he do it?

He can be so stubborn and ogre-ish.

But then he is so incredibly sweet and generous.  He loves to give away his "treats".  He is constantly wanting to hug his baby sister and get (and give) kisses.

The other day, we decorated the tree, put the garland and lights on the stair banisters, and hung the stockings.  That's as far as we got.  Last year, the boys - specifically Dustin - continually pulled the stockings off their hooks to stuff them with random toys and then hide them.  I was constantly going on stocking hunts, despite my reprimands to leave the stockings alone.

So this year, I gave the boys the "speech" about leaving the stockings alone again.

For a day and a half, they didn't move.  Daddy, Mommy, Joshua, Dustin, Meaghan, and Baby.  In that order.  Dustin was found at every spare moment "reading" the names on the stockings.

But then I noticed something... Meaghan's stocking was no longer next to the Baby's.  Hers is slightly different - bigger and fluffier on top - and so I noticed it pretty readily.  It took all of about 2 seconds to realize what had happened, and I didn't even have to go read the rest of the stockings.

You see, Dustin is in love with Baby Wooton.  (Remember, Meaghan was Waldo, named after Where's Waldo? Baby Wooton is named after Wooton Bassett, an Adventures in Odyssey character who is very child-like, collects Smiley Meal toys, and loves to spend time with people in unconventional ways... and, the kids haven't figured this one out yet, but Wooton also has a strained relationship with his father because he is a Christian and his dad is not.)

Dustin just wanted his stocking to be next to Baby Wooton's stocking.

He's in love with this baby.  He is the first one to tell people about the new baby, and how excited he is, and he's always saying to Meaghan, "Aren't you excited for the NEW BABY, Meaghan?  You get to be a BIG SISTER!"

This kid melts me.  I love his heart.

The latest from the doc - and other fun stuff

It'll be easier to just copy and paste what I wrote to a friend today in an e-mail:


So Graeme made me go back to the doctor today.

Sinus infection (still)
Bronchitis
Earaches (definitely plugged... infected?  Unsure - he didn't check, but they hurt like the dickens)
Asthma flaring up

Doc said that he can't do anything for me - the one or two antibiotics he would have prescribed aren't safe for pregnancy, and since I've already been on amoxil... yeah.  So Graeme has a good rapport with this doctor and actually called him and reminded him that Zithromax is in the same risk category as amoxil, not as effective as Biaxin, but more effective than amoxil... so there's apparently a prescription waiting for me at the pharmacy now.

The doctor said that other than this, to "wait it out and rest".  Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!!  Rest?  Seriously...  ha ha.  He was pretty happy about the new babe though.  If he hadn't been so happy about the baby, I'd have told him to come over and look after my kids so I can get all the rest he says I need.  :)

Thankfully, my throat feels pretty good right now.  Coughing a bit, but somehow it's not affecting my voice or singing too much - deeper, but not hoarse/squeaky/worn out.  I pray it doesn't get any worse by Sunday - I felt pretty OK on Tuesday vocally, and can only hope for "enough" on Sunday.  I am really looking forward to leading again!!


I left the house shortly after 10:00, with the intention of going to my doc's appointment running two relatively quick errands, and then scooting home.  All went according to plan until Dustin slammed his fingers in the sliding van door, and in all the chaos, I locked my keys in the van, which I didn't realize until around 1:00 (after my 2nd errand)... AMA wasn't there until around 2:15, but their quoted time told me it could be as late as 3:45... my poor kids were exhausted, but did sooooo well.  Now I'm exhausted, but sleep won't come thanks to the nattering Dollie (who has a hard time sleeping if she's kept up past her naptime, but she's not screaming her head off, just chatting to herself) and my coughing and wheezing.  Nice, hey?


And that, my friends, is my deal for today... 

Never a dull moment...

Today, Meaghan decided, after seeing Dustin use ranch dressing for dip for his pizza crust, that she needed some dip for hers also.  Then she shunned her pizza and proceeded to dip her banana in it.  She loved it and kept asking for more.  I didn't give in.  Eww.

Today, Dustin was told that naptime would be in five minutes.  I went back upstairs to put him to bed and he had pulled out a printing book and was working on it on the living room floor.  How can a mama say "naptime!" to that?  So I told him he could do two more pages and then we'd call it good.  He complied.

Today, Joshua got a random smack in the face when the bus hit a big snow bump and children went flying.  Loose tooth number two got a whole lot looser, bled like crazy, and then when he got to school, his teacher pulled it out for him.  We have parent-teacher interviews tonight, so I guess we have something else to talk about now!

Such a teeny monkey

Today was Meaghan's 18 month checkup.

She has gained a whopping 6 oz in the last 6 months, but has grown almost 2 inches.

At this age, the boys were 5 lbs heavier and nearly 2" taller.  I know they're boys, but still - 5 lbs?

I love my teeny monkey.  She is still too small (light) to go forward facing in her carseat.  My delicate little girlie... NOT!!  Man, can she take her brothers to the cleaners if she wants to.  Feisty things come in small packages, apparently - nothing delicate about her!

Fair game

We've told all the "personal contact" people we've needed/wanted to tell about the baby at this point, so if you happen to let something slip on facebook, no worries now.  :)  For those of you who have known for a few weeks already, thanks SO much for humoring me and keeping it under wraps!

So Predictable...

So, like clockwork, I get really sick every single pregnancy, first trimester.

This one is no exception.

There's the whole morning sickness thing, which, admittedly, has knocked me flat on my rear end this time around.  With the first 3, my "morning sickness" was from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. every day, almost without exception.  This time, though, it's 24/7.  And I do mean 24 hours a day... I wake up at 3 a.m. bolting for the bathroom.  First thing in the morning.  All day long.  All night long.  I'm 15-16 weeks now, and it *might* be starting to abate a bit.

But it's hard to tell for sure, because I've had a sinus infection for over 6 weeks, and a cough that wracks my entire body, leaving me lightheaded with a burning chest and headache to rival some of the migraines I used to get when we lived in Daysland.  Thankfully, I don't have the 12-day fever I had when I was expecting Meaghan (that was around the 9-week mark with her), but for all other purposes, I'm just as sick now as I was then.

Sadly, I've been increasingly antisocial... not pushing my friends away, but holing myself away.  It's all I can do to make sure my kids eat "real food" off of "clean plates" these days.  The only reason my boys (aged 6 and 4) have clean underwear is because they know how to load the washing machine and run the dryer, and fold their own clothing.  Two of the kids, as well as Graeme, have also been really sick, but the course of their illnesses ran about 1 1/2 weeks total.  I'm over 6 weeks now.  My immune system apparently stinks during pregnancy.

I am thankful for friends who have offered to provide meals for our family - hence the "real food" part of my goal, definitely not all of my own doing.  It's hard for me to ask for help, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and when you have friends who are always telling you to call them if you need anything... well, I'm swallowing my pride and calling.

Maybe the end is in sight...

Clothes

I've officially reached that really, really awkward stage of pregnancy where none of my *new* clothes fit any more, but where my maternity stuff just falls/hangs off of me.

It is in these moments that I am *ever so grateful* that I never got to altering some of my favorite *big* clothes from before.  I dug through my "bin of things to be altered", found some pants, put them on, and literally sighed and said, "Oh, that is SO much better."

Now I can go about my day a whole lot less self-conscious than I was 10 minutes ago.

May

Soooo....

~by calendars, my due date is May 3rd.

~by other factors - length of cycle, timing of conception (sorry, too much info), etc - *they* have decided my due date is May 10th.

Meaghan's birthday is May 11th.

Good thing due dates don't matter.  I was a week overdue with both boys (from ultrasound & calendar dates, actually, which I have yet to see the u/s with this one), and two weeks from "approximate date of conception" with Meaghan (which was still beyond the u/s date anyway).

Confused yet?  Yeh.  Me, too.

So basically, even *if* I have this baby on "calendar due date", or if I go two weeks overdue from the 10th...

...this baby will be born sometime between May 3rd and May 24th.

So when someone asks me when my due date is, I tell them, "sometime in May".  'Cuz really... I have no idea when this one will come.  I can't even hazard a guess.

Just... May.

(But for most people who can't bear the explanation, I'll just tell them May 10th, give or take... that'll put me at 41 weeks.)

BTW, this is still not on facebook... I still have one more person to talk to locally before I make it *that* public...

It's Monday

Hmmm....

Either my blog followers have dwindled significantly and I'm down to, umm, two...

...or most of you didn't "get" the last line of my last post.  :)

Or if you did, you didn't know what to say....?

Cutiepie & new words

"feep" = sleep
"sauce" = soft
"muhck" (imagine strong German sound at the end or something) = milk
"buhck" (with same German ending) = book
"bah-po" = bottle
"boh" = bowl
"tosh" = Josh
"dah-teez" = Dustin
"baaaaaaaa" = sheep
"buppy" = puppy
"Maaaaah-mee" = her friend Madi
"La-la" = her friend Talliah
"ssssss" = soother
"Noah" = no, with attitude
"sah" = sad
"ba-poo" = diaper
"bum" = bum
"rwee-rwee" = read
"nee-nee" = tortellini
"peees" = please
"behw" = bear
"boo-peez" = burpies
"buys" = boys
"dun" = done

"big sister" = meaghan

Letters

How do you continue writing letters to someone who doesn't reply?  It seems so... superficial... I don't even know how to *start* these letters any more.  Do I act as though everything is hunky-dory?  Part of me wants to start out by saying, "Hey, we're doing good, but I have no idea how you're doing since you never reply to my letters!"

Sigh.

Everything is awkward right now.

Facebook

I've discovered that when sharing news, I don't need facebook.

After all, I have Dustin.

November 11th

Today is a day of remembering.

When I was little, I was a good little public speaker.  I was chosen at least two different years to recite "In Flanders' Fields" - once over the intercom, and once in front of a school assembly.

Today, it means so much more to me.

You see, we have some friends who are serving.  Dan is serving in Afghanistan.  His wife, Christine, is also serving, here at home - trying to figure out how to live life in her husband's absence.

While I never *ever* want to downplay the significance of what Dan is doing to serve our country and fight for our freedom, the sacrifices of "those left behind" often gets forgotten.  Life is not easy for them, either - feeling disconnected, blowing in the wind, and sometimes unable to function for the mere fact that half of their hearts (and brains, as Christine would say) are elsewhere.

Dan was deployed in August (I think?) for 9 months.  He is able to come home twice - he came in October, and will come again at Christmas, but then not again until his tour is completed.  This is incredibly hard on Christine, and Dan as well, I'm sure, even though *this* is his passion - to be serving in this way.  Would you say a prayer for Dan & Christine today?

Toothless Wonder

We were out with some friends at dinner a little over a week ago.

Graeme's cell phone rang.

Nobody EVER calls us when we're on a date unless it's something really important - I think that was the second time ever that we've been called.

The first time was for discipline.

This time?

"Hi Daddy!  Guess what?  My tooth came out!!"  (It had been getting looser over the course of a month, and when he bit into a frozen banana muffin earlier in the afternoon, it had gotten considerably looser, but not loose enough that he wanted to yank it out.)

"Oh really?  That's great, buddy!"

"Yeah, Gramma pulled it out!!"

(pause)

"Joshua, did you know she was going to pull it out, or did she just do it?"

"She just wanted to look, and next thing I knew, she had pulled it out."  Turns out that she asked him if she could pull it out, he said no, she asked if she could take a look, then she said, "Oh, it'll be easy, I'll count to three and pull it out."  She yanked when she got to "two".

Mmm-hmm.

Somehow, I felt ripped off that she did that.  (He's MY son - shouldn't that have been my privilege to be there when his first tooth fall out?)  She has a *history* of saying to her children, "Let me have a look at that," and then pulling the tooth, popping the pimple, or doing some other sort of inhumane torture without her sons' permission.

Now Joshua knows better.  When she says, "Let me have a quick look," he knows to RUN!!!

But he is pretty proud of the hole in his mouth now....

Tonight I was finishing up Dustin's teeth, and he asked how many he has; I told him he has 20 teeth.  I then told him that he now has more teeth than Joshua - you should've seen Dustin's face light up!!

45 Minutes

I am so pathetic.

I've been worn to the bone, mentally exhausted beyond belief, and have been wanting to get out of the house all day long.  The kids were finally in bed, and with Graeme's offer to clean up the kitchen, I scooted.

I was gone for 45 minutes.  I am so ridiculously tired that I can't even figure out what to do, by myself, out of the house.... can't even make it an hour.

I did go and check out the new library (beautiful!! Opened today!), checked out some books, and came home.  That's as far as I got.

Pretty pathetic, hey?  Oy....

Our day with the dinos

We'd bought this season family pass to the new dinosaur park within driving distance to our home.  We got notification that there was going to be a special event for season passholders - entertainment, pancake breakfast, etc.  It was a fun morning!  (This was several weeks ago already... just now getting to posting it...)

Joshua's face painting...

And Dustin's...

Meaghan in the petting zoo... in her absolute glory!

Me and my Meggie-bear - I didn't want her to be eaten, so we opted to stay on the path.

Soaking up the love... 

Newly hatched!

Meaghan with her favorite person!

One of my favorite "displays" of all... all the displays had life-sized animatronic dinosaurs that roared and moved when you walked past them.  It was pretty awesome!!

Out of the mouth of... buried dinosaurs?

Fun day all around!

Comedian and Breastfeeding

This is the only YouTube video I could find about this.  We were at an event called Laugh for Life Gala, a Mustard Seed Ministry fundraiser.  They have musicians, and usually a comedian.  They ran a promo for next year's guy, Michael Jr., and this was the clip they played (they only played until about the 2-minute mark of this video)...

But first, before you watch the video, refresh your memory as to why I find this so hilariously funny....

Now watch.  (Pause music at bottom of page...)

Funny girl

Meaghan had been having a little friend over for the last couple weeks of September.  

Little Miss M was a great poser.

Meaghan?  Not so much.  As soon as I sat her up and turned around to go get the camera, she'd slouch down. 

Then she'd laugh at me after I took the picture.

She couldn't sit still to save her life, but she's still cute.

And she loooooves helping Momma bake!

How Dustin likes to watch TV

'Cuz a kid's gotta be comfy, right?

Unexpected

I wasn't sure what to expect when I actually pressed "send" on yesterday's letter.

But what I got, I wasn't expecting at all.  I guess maybe I expected complete defense... justification for actions... passing the blame to the next person...

But nope.

I got replies of acknowledgement - letters filled with words of admittance and responsibility, words of maturity and absolute 100% support and agreement of what I'd written, even though the writers were the ones who had done most of the damage in the first place.  Words of repentance and hope.  Mature responses.  Not placating or patronizing, but... honest.

I am humbled by His majesty, touching hearts, opening minds to His will and correction.

I have hope that things might one day be repaired.

How I pray they are.  I know there are a lot praying for tonight's meeting.  I can't wait to hear how it went.

Confrontation

I am not a fan of confrontation.  Oftentimes, I'll do whatever I can to placate the offender or downplay the situation.

But, when something hits me over the head - time and time and time again - there's a point where I can't stand for it any more.

This one is not about family... and thankfully, it's not even about our church.  It is, however, about an organization that I've been involved with since I was a kid.  The current Board of Directors has made some pretty big miscalculations in the past few years, and has glossed them over.  Think:  not paying insurance on time, not filing government paperwork on time so that the organization loses charitable status... those kinds of things.  In addition, as a member, I am *supposed* to be free to voice my concerns and have them at least heard or acknowledged.

Like I said, I'm not confrontational by nature.

But...
...when my charitable donations receipts go *missing* three years in a row...
...when my address is not updated in their system time and time and time again (within one move! - having to constantly call and ask for documents and newsletters to be sent only to be told "Oh, we still have your old address on file.")...
...when my concerns about dates for meetings are not even responded to...
...when one board member fails to actually properly mail out invitations for the Annual General Meeting and then refuses to make follow-up phone calls to make sure that people know about the meeting and can plan to attend to make quorum... and then brushes it off by saying, "Yeah, well, someone else will be doing it next year," - as if to say, "I don't care, it's not my problem."...
...when program content has gone completely fluffy and has nothing solid to send kids home with...

Then I get a little miffed.  And I write letters.  Letters which Graeme reads to make sure they're not too caustic, rambling, or mis-focussed.  He's a good editor.  And I've gotten to be a much better letter-writer thanks to him.

It's not like it's a one-time lack of communication and misdirection.  It's been fairly constant for the last three years.  It's not about me - it's about many supporting members waiting to walk out because they're not being listened to or answered, so they feel like, "Why should we support?"

Apparently I am not the only one airing frustrations... this, I am grateful for.  Perhaps change will now come with the inception of a new board tomorrow night.  Oh, I pray it is so.  How I want things to turn around - for this organization to return to what it was even 5 years ago... for His glory...

The End.

Today marks my last planned running event for the summer/fall that I won't get to participate in.  It was to be a 10-mile Fall Classic in support of the Mustard Seed.

Today, I mourn the end of a running season... cut short by injury, illness, and unforeseen circumstance.  While I'm thankful I got to run my first half-marathon and an "official" 15K road race, I had planned on doing 2 or 3 more half marathons as well as today's Fall Classic.

In other news... I've been slammed with yet another cold.  How lovely, since I'm involved with worship today.  Not leading, but regardless, this pain and frog in my throat and the constant dripping of my nose are not going to help.

I'm waiting for my pants to dry.  I had to buy some new ones, and they hadn't been washed yet... and I need to wash new pants before I wear them because I know that washing them will also shrink them lengthwise.  I have the worst-length legs for pants-buying... "petite" (30 inch) are too short, and "regular" (32 inch) are too long.  I've yet to find a 31" pair of pants, but that would indeed be perfect.

Today is going to be a long day.  I unfortunately woke half an hour before my alarm was to go off (signifying my time to get up and shower and get ready to leave the house for rehearsal, which is always FAR too early in the morning!), but today will be comprised of run, run, run.  Rehearsal at 8 a.m. (pants, hurry up and dry!), two services, straight to my niece's for her birthday, straight to small group tonight... I won't see my front door again until dinnertime.

Must find food.  Must blow-dry hair.  Must... dry... pants...  (hurry up!)

The End.

Antsy & excited!

Remember this?

The wait is over.  I get to go to a very special uncharted-territory-to-me meeting today.  I am EXCITED!!

However, I still have almost 2 hours to wait (2:30)... and time is totally crawling right now.  Between now and then, I have to finish up lunch with the kids, get the little ones over to Christina's house, nurse Meggie and get her down for a nap there, and hopefully settle Dustin for a nap, too... and then I get to spend a little over half an hour driving... good thing I can crank the tunes and focus on Jesus (and the road)!!  :)  Joshua will get off the bus at a friend's house and wait for me there till I'm back in town around 4:30.

Ambiguous, I know.  But I'm still really excited!!

T.C.

I like music.

I like music with good harmonies, rich voices, and I most especially like music that also has incredible lyrical depth.

Sometimes, this means that I listen to things that are not quite as "Christian mainstream" as, say, Hillsongs or Jars of Clay, or anything *really* well-known.

I came across this man's work when I was doing a Beth Moore Bible study one year.  At first, I didn't *love* him, his voice, or his style.

But now, I am drawn to his music... one of his more recent projects, Jesus Saves, stirs my heart and makes my soul soar more than anything else I've heard in the last year.

Meet my "new" friend, Travis Cottrell.  Heart for God, music that does absolutely nothing but glorify the King.  Brings hope and joy in the midst of exhaustion and overwhelmed places.

*Pause music at the bottom of my blog before watching videos*

Jesus Saves (on the CD, he has a choir backing him up... I've also most often seen him doing worship close-to-solo, so this whole big-band thing was a bit of a shock to me!!  Regardless... enjoy!):