Randoms from the new camera!

Here are some preliminary pictures from our new camera... untouched, unedited, uncropped...

...and yes, Meaghan LOVES to sit on the little potty.  AND, she even produces almost every time I put her on!  Believe me, while I'm not *officially* potty-training her, I'm certainly going to capitalize on and not discourage this behavior.  :)

BLAH update again. :)

I hope these posts don't bore you, but they're very much a part of what I'm investing myself in these days...

Total Lost this week: 2 lbs
Total Lost this competition: 17 lbs.
Total Lost overall: 24 lbs

What a strange week it's been. I put in some fairly respectable workouts, and even had some good "long" running sessions, so I'm pretty pleased with that.

Food, however, was a lost cause for a good part of the week. I love being a statistic/numbers junkie, and so I have this spreadsheet where I punch in my total calories eaten, my total calories burned, and my net burned... so I end up with a "theoretical" amount of calories burned and therefore a theoretical amount of weight lost. I compare that to my actual weight lost to see how accurate it all is, and I have to say, I'm pretty much on track.

However, my point is this: I ate about 3000 more calories than I normally have been over the course of a week. I did, however, burn a little bit more, too, but still... Even though it was my birthday on Saturday, I could've been a little more diligent, so while I'm happy with the 2 lb loss, I know it could've been closer to 3 lbs if I'd stayed on track.

A few final random thoughts:

• Maui in 2 days!
• I'm frozen constantly... like shivering, goosebumps, freezing cold. Constantly. Hopefully Maui will help with that.
• I hope to lose another 3 lbs by the time I return from our trip; that will put me at 20 lbs total for this journey. I'd be pretty stoked if I lost ANY weight on our trip, to be honest!
• We bought a new camera yesterday... partly for the trip, but partly because we've been wanting to upgrade our point & shoot to a DSLR for quite some time. We now own a Canon Rebel T1i with a 18-200mm zoom... it has video capabilities but we have really poor lighting in our house so we're not sure how to work around that. In proper light, the video is amazing. And the pictures are par excellence!! Graeme put in about 40 hours of research and hands-on with SLRs, much to my irritation ("just pick one, already!" was my plea by about the 20th hour...)... but yes, I got to play with it last night. My workout was far too short last night, and I'm blaming it on the camera. :)

That whole laundry and packing thing? I should go get on it.

I can't wait to post some pictures from our trip... ooooooh... maybe we'll even see some whales... (But at least *I* won't be the whale!)

Playing

My pretty girl... we were playing with Curtis & Darcy's Nikon.  :)

Meaghan and Auntie Darcy:

The cousins - Joshua, Aidan, Charis, and Dustin.  Meaghan is still with Auntie Darcy! 

Little miss Blue-Eyes - I'm sad this first one was a teeny bit blurry (you can tell when you enlarge it), but I can't resist those pretty eyes!

Another week down, another Tuesday weigh-in

Copied & pasted from my BLAH blog, with minor changes:

Total lost this week: 1 measley pound.  :)

Total lost overall: 22 lbs since October, 15 lbs since January 12th.

I coaxed, and I coaxed, and I coaxed some more, but my scale just couldn't be convinced to go down one more pound.  That's OK, I've had some big weeks, and the last three days have been really hard with eating, so I'll take the one pound and go for a bigger number next week.  I've kept in my calorie range, but the quality of food was not so healthy... Graeme asked for home-made pizza on Friday or Saturday, Sunday was Valentine's and I made fruit-topped waffles and chocolate covered strawberries for the family, and last night we were at my brother & sister in law's for supper.  There weren't many veggies, but there was an abundance of mashed potatoes and buns.  So, like I said, although I stayed within my calorie range, I'm no doubt holding onto some excess fluid.  And I'm OK with that - I know it'll come off, so I'm not fretting.

However, can I shout it from the rooftops?  I DID IT!!!  I actually reached my 15 lb goal for this 'round'.  Never woulda thunk it.  I was hoping to smash it this week, but I'll take "meeting" my goal.  Smashing will be reserved for next week.

Instead of boring you with the details of my workouts this week, I'll leave you with some other neat things I accomplished or realized this week:

• I "took up" running again on January 25th.  It's been 15 years since I've seriously/competitively run.  Thus, it's been 15 years since I've even been able to string together a mile without stopping to walk.  When I started on January 25th, running a quarter-mile nonstop was exhausting and painful.  The last two nights, however, I've done a 2-mile stretch (each night!) in under 20 minutes each time.  Not the most blistering pace, but the pace will come in time.  Within another 3 weeks, I hope to have my 2-mile pace down to about 16 minutes (and then maybe Kerry will run with me? Right now she'd kick my butt...), and add an extra mile to that (to run 3 miles in 24 minutes) within 4 or 5 weeks.  
• Going great guns on a stationary bike only burns about 2/3 the calories that going great guns on an elliptical burns.
• I can now walk my 4-mile loop in under an hour (it took me 1:05 at the beginning of January)... I believe that shaving time off is thanks mostly to shaving off 15 lbs.  In contrast, wearing my 18-lb baby for a 4-mile walk really really slows me down.
• I have to wear a belt with everything now.  
• I am looking forward to my dates with Bob & Jillian
• I feel good.  I am working h-a-r-d!!! ...and it feels great!!
• I like that my clothes are getting way too big, but I refuse to shop for "in between" clothes.
• I am seeing some muscles emerge from under the fat.

So there you have it...  :)

Dollie Update

Thought I'd pop on here just to give a quick update...

Meaghan is feeling MUCH better.

Not perfect, but better.  Last night she slept almost 8 hours straight; I slept about 5 of those.  Straight.  I felt like a new woman this morning for having slept a stretch longer than 2 hours.  The euphoria wore off relatively quickly, though - by 10:00 I was completely exhausted and went back to bed for another 2 hours while Meaghan napped.

Within 2 doses of antibiotic, she perked up considerably... she was much happier today, much more content, much less clingy, and much more mischievous!

I am so thankful.  My momma instinct was right about her, and it was confirmed by the speed at which she responded to medical treatment.

I'm feeling not too bad; my throat is OK, but not great... I can sing, sort of.  Which is good, since I have to lead worship for 2 services tomorrow.  :)

Today we ALL went skating at Millennium Place!  They have these Chariot strollers there that they've converted into sleds, sort of, with skis on the bottom, so a momma can take her baby on the ice.  Meaghan fell asleep in it, and so Graeme skated around for about half an hour with her sleeping.  It was awesome, but it totally messed up her regular afternoon nap.  Whoops!

God is good.

Maui in 12 days!

I am thankful still

• I have a clean house.
• I have happy children.
• We have a doctor who was willing to see Meaghan again today (he saw her only 2 days ago) and who, upon listening to her chest, perked up and agreed that she'd taken a turn for the worse... and now we can start treating her properly and hopefully get her (and me!) some rest.
• I have a husband who works so hard to help me here during these last few weeks of illness, and who does his best to allow me some time to rest during the day after being up for several hours at night with a sick baby.
• I am still 'on the brink' of getting sick, and I can't sing very well for a nasty-sore throat, but my body hasn't succumbed to the worst of it.  
• I can still exercise.
• We have great friends who refuse to come over tonight despite our insistence that we are fine to host a gathering... they are not concerned about getting sick from Meaghan, but they are sparing us the busy-ness of putting on the party.  (I'm still sad that we can't get together tonight!)
• Most of all, I am thankful for God's sustaining grace despite my own weakness.

I'm going to complain again...

.... so if you're not interested, move onto the next blog.

I am tired.  What else is new?

It's not even a resentful tired... just plain tired.  My poor Meggie is so sick and congested and phlegmy and horrible... warm humidifier, cool air, saline up the nose, you name it, we've done it.  As soon as I lay her down, even to nurse, she starts gagging and choking.  Poor thing.

It's so sad.

Although I'm very much physically exhausted, I am more emotionally drained... hoping and praying she doesn't choke to death on her own mucous... I know the chances are slim, but oh, if you heard her, you'd be concerned, too....  I am worried for her, waiting for her to get better, wondering if she'll sleep at all tonight... we are both just weary.  I think that I'll probably hunker down on the sofa with her tonight, her on my chest, just so we both can get some rest.

On a positive note, she and I went out for a nice long walk tonight in the nice late afternoon air.  I put her in her Ergo, and away we went.  Almost 3 miles later, we got back home.  She loved the entire walk.  She was so happy... coughing, but happy.

Graeme has been wonderful.  He has done about 5 loads of laundry by himself today, as well as finally hung a bunch of pictures for our home.  He's a trooper.  He's the kind of guy that doesn't get caught up in the emotion of the moment, but can plug along and just get everything done.  It's a good thing.  I am basically useless right now for much more than crying and wallowing and worrying.... so it's good he's here.

BLAH update

So I stepped on the scale this morning as per our weekly BLAH (Biggest Loser At Home) challenge requires...

and...

Seriously?  Another FOUR pounds this week?

Hokey dinah.  I tell ya, ladies, I never once expected this.  Not at all.  When we learned that we were changing the rules of the competition to be "greatest overall weight loss percentage" instead of "greatest percentage of goal lost", I was mortified.  I thought I was sunk.  Last time around, I lost 8 measley pounds in 15 weeks, despite working *almost* as hard as I am this time around, at least for the first few weeks.

And here I sit, only 1 lb away from my original goal for this leg of the competition (15 lbs).

Really?

I stepped on the scale several times this morning... half an hour apart... and it didn't waver.  It was very decisive in hitting that same number (which - HA!  You thought I was going to share here, didn't you?  NADA!)

So that's 14 lbs in 4 weeks... and 21 lbs since October.  

We've had a very sick household again this week... the boys have each been through two rounds of it, and now poor Meggie-bear has the worst head cold I've ever seen in a wee baby.  Poor thing.  It means very long nights for me.... and I am exhausted.  Imagine what I could do if I actually got some sleep!

I had a great week eating - some days even getting to 9 p.m. and logging my calories into my online program and realizing I'm short by 150 or so.  So I go and grab one of my yummy healthy home-made granola bars and chow down, and that puts me over.

Workouts for the week:

• Monday:  Elliptical 30 mins at level 12-14, track 21 laps (run 2, walk 1, 7 reps), Elliptical 30 mins
• Tuesday: off
• Wednesday: Elliptical 30 minutes at level 15, track 21 laps (jogged 18, walked 3), elliptical 30 mins at levels 8-15.
• Thursday: Jillian's "No More Trouble Zones" video - 40 mins - it is an amazing workout!!  Not quite so sweaty as her others, but definitely effective!  I felt this one the next day!
• Friday: rowed 10km
• Saturday: track 21 laps (jogged 19, walked 2), elliptical 20 mins at level 14, and swim 1000m
• Sunday: Kerry called me to go to the gym, so we just did a quick 45 minute elliptical at level 10-13.

Things I am noticing:

• I can now run over a mile without stopping, and my time is improving.  I used to barely be able to do 1/4 mile!!  Now I run one, walk for a lap, then run for a few more laps, take a water break, run for a few more laps, walk one, then run the rest.  
• I am starting to get stronger in the water, and actually starting to enjoy front crawl.
• Ellipticalizing anything less than a level 10 is selling myself short.
• My asthma is not as 'twitchy'.
• My swimsuit fits better.
• Some of my workout clothes are getting a little too loose for comfort... I'm going to have to do some alterations to my gym shorts or someone's gonna get a nasty surprise one day as I run around the track!

Things Graeme is noticing:

• My clothes don't fit.  I don't feel like I look any different, since I am wearing the same clothes, but Graeme says they totally don't fit me.  'Tis true, I suppose!

Next week, I am going to bid goodbye to this particular "decade" FOREVER - I am very close to seeing that 2nd digit drop again!!!!!!

Sweetiepie

droopy eyelids

rosy cheeks
     warm body
sputter, sputter, gag, cough
     drip, drip, drip...

sweet sleepy smile
     little smirks at the dinner table
playing peek-a-boo...
     eye rubs abound & slimy stuff smeared

slumber for a while
     and wake up frantic to breathe

this is my hurtin' dollie.

Broken record

I know, I know, I sound like a broken record...

I find these days I'm having to really *fight*.

To fight for energy - I am so exhausted I can cry at the drop of a hat.

To fight for health - I can feel parts of me 'failing' again.

To fight for peace - my mind is waging war within itself.

I have snippets of joy, but it is so overshadowed by gloom... I am overwhelmed and smothered in 'life' right now.  Boys who fight, boys with attitude, boys with unthankfulness... and I struggle to keep putting one foot in front of the other when my most gracious attempts are met with misery.

Yet I have much to be thankful for... I am losing weight, just like I wanted to... Graeme is home these days, and it's a huge help with three sick children...

We are going to Maui in a few weeks...

We have a great church...

....and yet I am feeling so alone right now.

Disconnected.

Like I'm on auto-pilot, but I can't keep up any more.  I'm a robot... yet my functions are failing and unmotivated.

How am I supposed to lead in worship or be a good wife and momma when I don't *feel* anything except oppression and suffocation?

Pressing into God, yes... but I still feel empty.  I know it's not as much about what I feel, as it is about what I *know*, but still....

Such are my ramblings... hopefully this is just sheer exhaustion continuing to seep in, and that once sleep actually happens again, the world will look like a much better place.

Another one

Meaghan bit the dust again last night.  This completes round two of fevered, sick, miserable children.

It started with Joshua several weeks ago, moved onto Dustin, then Meaghan and Graeme, and it barely grazed me thankfully.

Then just when it looked like we were out of the woods, Joshua started again.  Possible pneumonia, he was diagnosed with.  Nice fever with it, too.  A few days later, it was Dustin's turn with a fever and wet yucky cough, but thankfully it wasn't right deep in his chest.  Both boys were coughing everywhere.

It's no surprise that Meaghan is sick again.  But I am exhausted... I don't know how mothers with chronically ill children do it.  Meaghan was up a lot last night, fevering, including a 1.5 hour stint smack in the middle of the night.  I haven't even gotten half a night of sleep in the last 3 weeks.... I almost threw up this morning, I was so tired.  Haven't felt like that in a long time.

And thus ends my pity party.  I'm going to throw on some exercise clothes and hit the rower.  Joshua is at a birthday party, Meaghan is napping, and Dustin is watching some TV (I know, I'm a bad mother)...

Creeping in...

I can feel it creeping in.

The exhaustion. The bone-weariness.

Three weeks or so of sick and fevered children....

Graeme is home, but we had hoped to be doing a lot of 'family' things.  Instead, we're stuck at home, day in and day out.  I am thankful for his help, but this is not how we'd planned on spending his time off.

I need this bout of sickness to be over with.  I need to get through my days with something better than fog surrounding my brain.

BLAH update

Here is my latest post from yesterday (with a couple of slight changes) for my Biggest Loser at Home challenge:

This has been a productive week for me!

Workouts:

• Monday - walked 4 miles, elliptical 45 minutes, swim 1000m
• Tuesday - off - I have been exhausted from sick children!
• Wednesday - elliptical 30 minutes, track (run 2 laps, walk 1, 7 reps)
• Thursday - track (run 3 laps, walk 1, x 4, then ran 6 at the end), elliptical 20 minutes
• Friday - 3--day Shred levels 1 & 2, then 10,000m row.
• Saturday - outdoors run/walk 5.23 miles (I love my Garmin!) - I actually ran over 3 of those miles, 1.5 of those in one stretch - it's been about 14 years since I could do that!
• Sunday - was going to be my day off, but my friend Kerry invited me to go to the gym with her - so we just did elliptical 37 minutes.

I've eaten well, although went quite over on my calories a couple of days (1900 one day, 1700 the next), but I also compensated with heavy workouts.  Normally I stick around 1200-1300 calories.

The scale has been kind to me, and I am down another 3 lbs, for a total of 10 lbs since the beginning of this challenge (3 weeks), and 17 lbs since October.   I actually threw on some jeans this morning that I laundered last week, and I couldn't wear them; they kept falling down!

*happy dance*

A Joshua Update

Apparently I haven't posted any pictures since December 29th.  WOWZERS!

Here are some recent ones of Joshua - mostly from the Christmas photo shoot, actually, with a few of Christmas day and a couple of randoms since then: