Broken record

I know, I know, I sound like a broken record...

I find these days I'm having to really *fight*.

To fight for energy - I am so exhausted I can cry at the drop of a hat.

To fight for health - I can feel parts of me 'failing' again.

To fight for peace - my mind is waging war within itself.

I have snippets of joy, but it is so overshadowed by gloom... I am overwhelmed and smothered in 'life' right now.  Boys who fight, boys with attitude, boys with unthankfulness... and I struggle to keep putting one foot in front of the other when my most gracious attempts are met with misery.

Yet I have much to be thankful for... I am losing weight, just like I wanted to... Graeme is home these days, and it's a huge help with three sick children...

We are going to Maui in a few weeks...

We have a great church...

....and yet I am feeling so alone right now.

Disconnected.

Like I'm on auto-pilot, but I can't keep up any more.  I'm a robot... yet my functions are failing and unmotivated.

How am I supposed to lead in worship or be a good wife and momma when I don't *feel* anything except oppression and suffocation?

Pressing into God, yes... but I still feel empty.  I know it's not as much about what I feel, as it is about what I *know*, but still....

Such are my ramblings... hopefully this is just sheer exhaustion continuing to seep in, and that once sleep actually happens again, the world will look like a much better place.