Little Drummer Girl

Meaghan caught me off guard today when we were out running errands and she shared her rendition of "Little Drummer Boy", which is still her favorite song...

"Come, they told me, pa rum-a-pum PUM...

A new-darn king to see, pa rum-a-pum PUM..."

Good thing I was stopped at a red light already.

The Entertainer

Most normal people wake up sort of slowly.  They stretch, they yawn, they rub their eyes, they sit up in bed before contemplating their next moves.

Not so for my Dustin.

This morning, he woke up, and not 10 seconds later he was literally bouncing down the hall to the bathroom while humming The Entertainer as loudly as he could.  He continued his humming for several minutes.  How the littlest children didn't wake up through all of this, I'm not sure.

But he sure was cute.

Finally!

Despite the cough I am sporting as a result of my kids being sick...

I now have a clean bill of health.

The x-ray is clear.  My lungs no longer sound like there's static and goop inside.

Now, to continue regaining my cardiovascular strength and some energy...

I've been going for some really long walks in addition to the basketball and skiing.  Last week I went for a 6 mile walk and an 8 mile walk... and a couple of shorter ones (around 2 miles)... and last night I went with a friend for about 4 1/2 miles, after the kids were in bed.  Nice and brisk, getting me sweating.  I'm starting to itch to run.

Tonight, though?  Tonight, I'm really tired.  The time change doesn't bother me too much on the first day; the worst of it is day two.  That'd be today.  I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open.

Boys are at swimming lessons.  They will be home in an hour, at which point we'll eat a quick supper and put everyone - myself included - to bed.

One day, I will be at a point where I won't be counting the minutes to bedtime... tonight is not that night.

But, I am grateful.  Grateful for friends who are closer than family, grateful for my sweet children, grateful for new health and promises for the future.

Time Change

Normally, my kids are up at the crack of dawn.  Meaning, as soon as Daddy hits the shower at 6:45, three kids wake up.  Sometimes all 4.

However, today was a different story.  Normally, on Sundays, the boys wake up around 7:30, and we make them read quietly until around 8:00.  Today, the house was slumbering like we'd been up till all hours.  I can assure you, we weren't.

8:54 a.m. - Dustin emerges.  Factor in the time change, and his body slept in just a little (he was on "7:54" time).

10:15 - Spencer wakes.  Huh?  Why so late, little buddy?

10:45 - Joshua surfaces.  Poor kid was not feeling well in the night and woke with a  raging fever.  Fair enough.  He needed some sleep.

11:20, and Meaghan was still sawing logs.  She finally popped out of bed, happy as a clam, at 11:42 a.m.  Even with the adjusted time, that would only be 10:42... SUPER late for her, by about 4 hours!!

Needless to say, with Spencer sick (he's just getting over a cold), Joshua sick, and Meaghan also recovering from a cold, we decided to skip church.  Probably the single best decision we could've made today.

Maybe we could do this again, oh, say, NEXT SATURDAY?

Seven happier quick takes on a Saturday night

1.  I am feeling human again.

2.  I have played basketball 3 weeks in a row now, and haven't injured anything.  And, I'm getting stronger.  My breathing isn't as affected as it was before.  I still have a bit of a cough from the pneumonia, but it's residual.  I'm starting to be able to keep up  a little again.  And, I'm even sinking some shots.

3.  I know it seems silly, but yesterday, for the first time in I-don't-know-how-long, I cleaned ALL four bathrooms, top to bottom, including floors and the yucky bases around the toilets, and the baseboards.  It felt really good to do them all in one day.  Usually I tackle the two little ones, then call it a day... leaving the bigger bathrooms to do on separate days when I've got a little extra time.

4.  Skiing season is over, I think.  My last ski of the season was last Saturday, with some of Graeme's co-workers who had invited me.  It was HARD - they are GOOD!! - but it was an excellent challenge and helped me get stronger.

5.  Spencer is starting to "dance."  By "dance," I mean "wiggle" when music is playing.  It's so stinking cute.  I can't believe he's 10 months old.  I really need to get onto completing - writing - his birth story.  It's mostly done, but I just want to edit a little.

6.  Spencer is also starting to sleep more at night.  He's had approximately 6 nights out of the last 10 or so that he's slept for 10-12 hours straight.  I'm sure this correlates highly to point number one above.

7.  With the melting snow comes the itch to run again...  might even attempt that half-marathon again that I did two years ago.  I'm a little behind on training already, though, with the medical setbacks, but hopefully I can regain my health quickly!

That's all for now... I could add a few more, but then I would have to re-title this post, and it just wouldn't be the same then...

It's 10:10.  I'm going to bed.  Really.  Early, hey?  :)

Boy or Girl?

As I'm changing Spencer's diaper:

Meaghan: "Mommy, is Spencer a boy or a girl?"
Me: " What do you think?"
Meg: "He's a girl!"
Me: "Why do you say that?"
Meg:  "Because he just is!"
Me:  "But why? What makes him a girl?"
Meg (sweetly):  "Because he will be a vampire!"

Whaaaaaat?!!??

Books and Pneumonia and Spencer and some other random stuff.

Trying to discipline at 7 in the morning when you can't breathe because every time you talk brings on a coughing fit... not a good start to the week.  Can't wait for this ridiculous pneumonia to pass.

What are some good book series for boys?  Joshua is 7, but reads at a ridiculous grade level - the boy has no limits any more.  However, just because he *can* read something doesn't mean that he's emotionally ready for some things... he inhales Hardy Boys and such, but even that at this age concerns me a little.  I need ideas for some age-appropriate novels that are also challenging enough for him to read.

I may have mentioned this before, but I'm thinking of writing a letter to someone...about their deliberate absence in my life... freeing myself from the bondage of their silence but also giving them a chance to be part of it all if they want...

Spencer is experimenting with all kinds of lovely sounds... "ooooo" and 'ba ba ba' and, my personal favourite, "ma ma".  He is now pulling up on things and gets the 'victory grin' when he succeeds in pulling something out of a bin that was thought to be too high for him to reach.

I saw a doctor again yesterday - pneumonia is still stuck here.  A new antibiotic with the caution that if this doesn't work, off to the hospital for IV antibiotics I go.  Because really, I had nothing more fun planned for February.

So... about those book ideas for Joshua?  Hit me!

Seven Quick Takes on Tuesday

1.  Pneumonia stinks.  I hate how it sucks my breath away.  I hate how the coughing fits just jump up on me and render me completely useless for two or ten or fifteen minutes.  I hate how exhausted I am.

2.  Pneumonia stinks even worse when your nearly three-year-old gets the stomach flu at 11:30 at night, and throws up 6 times before 4:30.

3.  My husband is my hero.  I've been sleeping on the sofa for about the last 10 or 12 nights so that he can sleep.  Meaghan has been sleeping in our room (her bed at the foot of ours) while Spencer figures out his own sleep.  While I was up helping clean up the first three puke episodes, Graeme took care of the last 3 by himself.  Granted, by this time of the night, we were completely out of bedding and she was sleeping on towels, so it was an easy cleanup, and there was also nothing left in her tummy to chuck besides acid.  Easy cleanup.  But still.  Graeme is my hero.  He took care of it and let me rest.  I love him for it.

4.  Pneumonia stinks, but what stinks even worse is cancer.  I found out this week that an acquaintance of mine from Bible School days (who now lives in the same city as me) has stage 3 breast cancer, having spread to the surrounding lymph nodes, and having just been diagnosed less than a month ago.  She and her husband have three children; her oldest is in grade one.  Following her story has rocked my world.

5.  I don't understand how people could ever turn their backs on their children.  I've made no secret on Facebook that I have been really sick.  My mom is my Facebook "friend", and I know she's active on FB because she's been conversing with my aunt even today.  You think there might be *some* sort of acknowledgement or something...?  I wish I knew what to do with this messy ugly situation.  I wish I knew what to hope for.  I can't stand it.  We sent her a Christmas card with a  note inside, and have received no response.

6.  I'm not sure what God is trying to do with me.  I know He wants me healthy and whole, and part of that is taking care of myself physically (exercising).  But then, He allows something like pneumonia to rob me of potentially weeks or months of the type of activity that would be of benefit...?

7.  I've got some really good friends.  Friends who pray, friends who bring meals, friends who get mad at doctors who can't diagnose pneumonia... friends who stand with me even when my attitude stinks.

Yuck

So, after 13 days of sweating, fevers, and coughing, and four separate doctor visits, "they" (as in "the nice doctor at the hospital") discovered I have pneumonia.

Pneumonia stinks.

I can't take care of my children.  It's all I have just to try and nurse Spencer.  "Drink extra fluids," they say -  meaning I have to drink about 20 cups of water a day just to replace what was lost (I'm dehydrated from all the fevering and sweating), to try and kick this misery, and to replenish enough to feed my baby.

Joshua is at school and the middles are at Grandma's house.

I cried when the doctor told me.  Not because I was sad that I am apparently *that sick* (apparently this is worse than I've been giving it credit for), but because I *finally* had an answer...an answer that a few of my friends had been speculating on for days beforehand.  Why the first three doctor visits didn't pick this up, I'm not sure.

I'm thankful to have an answer.

I'm thankful to have medicine that will hopefully help me feel a little more human in a day or two.

I'm thankful that the nurse in radiology was so compassionate.  The triage nurse was miserable and rude, the admitting nurse was abrupt, and the doctor wasn't too interested in giving me the time of day.  But the radiologist?  She came to get me - I was sitting with Graeme and Spencer ('cuz I'd had to feed him so he had to come with me, and since I couldn't care for him myself, Graeme also had to come).  She smiled at Spencer and took me back to x-ray; once we were back there, she said to me, "You look terrible.  It must be hard caring for your little one."

"Yeah."

"How many do you have?"

"Four."

"Oh, honey, I feel so bad for you..."

She must be a mama herself.

(The doctor was a lot nicer to me when he came back with the diagnosis.)

So now, I rest.  I have a bit of coverage for the kids over the next couple of days.  Not 100% coverage, but more than I normally would otherwise have.  I'll take what I can get.

I had signed up a few months ago to ski the Birkie with my friend Mary Jane this coming weekend... well, not the full Birkie, just the shorter Birkie... only 31km... but now I can't do that, obviously.  The nice lady in registrations will send my refund request to the powers that be and see what they can do.

I can't play basketball for a while... part of me only thinks for a week or two, but when I say that, people kind of giggle and tell me it'll be a lot longer than that... really?  I suppose I'll take what I can get, 'cuz right now, even climbing the stairs is a massive undertaking.


Spencer is finally napping.  I'm going to do the same.  I've got 1 1/2 hours till Joshua gets off the bus and storms my door with hugs and kisses.

I knew this would happen...

I've had a fever nearly non-stop for five days, accompanied by painful muscle spasms and headaches.

Graeme has a friend coming over to do a wood project in the garage (Graeme has the tools, friend has the project).

Friend comes with 2 kids (slightly older than my boys) because their mom is at a conference.

Spencer has had a few crabby days - I wonder if he's getting sick, too, or if it's just the teething.  Tooth number 8 is ready to come out any minute.

No matter.

Project should only take 15 or 20 minutes...?  It's been an hour.

Guess who gets stuck with ALL six kids?  And guess who gets Spencer *finally* settled and asleep?

Me.

Yeh.  He didn't stay asleep. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to keep 5 Star-Wars playing kids quiet while I'm feeding and settling a crabby baby in my condition...

I wonder - it's 5:02 - if I'm going to have to miraculously come up with supper for them, too?

This is one of *those* days where I simply don't need this... what is God trying to teach me, I wonder?

Seven Quick Takes

Is this supposed to be a Friday thing?  Seven Quick Takes on Friday?

Well, no matter.  It's Monday, so I'm either early or late.

1.  Spencer is a riot.  He randomly burps at the table (from his high chair), then gets this goofy shocked look on his face, then giggles.  That's my boy!!  Totally priceless.

2.  Meaghan has quite the life.  She sat on our friends' countertop in PA with Mike, and suddenly proclaimed, "This is the LIFE!"  She has repeated the same phrase with equal vigour when she has cozied into our bed under our new soft duvet, or sitting beside other friends.  She knows a good thing when she's part of it.  However, it should also be known that she has also said the same thing when passing gas while sitting on the toilet.  (Sorry, Megs...)

3.  Meaghan is the queen of kung-fu ballet.  She performs a great kick (complete with accompanying "Hi-YAH!") and then promptly twirls around and finishes with a perfect ballerina's pose.

4.  Spencer has seven teeth.  The kid is the messiest teether.  None of my other kids had flesh that broke like this.  His gummy flesh just hangs there, swollen, bleeding, and pulverized.  Poor kid.

5.  Dustin and Joshua are starting swimming lessons again tonight.  Dustin is going to be a crocodile, and Joshua is in Red Cross Level 3.

6.  I may be taking some x-country ski lessons in the Fort...?  We'll see.  One thing at a time.

7.  Today I am remembering a little guy whose life on earth was far too short.  Happy 4th birthday, Brennan.  You are a treasure.

Skiing Lessons

Today I took the boys to the Strathcona Wilderness Centre.  It's the annual "Snow Day" - and the day was perfect!!

My knees have still been really sore, but I've been medicating from the inside out AND the outside in, and doing all kinds of therapy.  And I found my old knee brace and put it on also.  My left knee in particular is quite bad, but it was stable enough to enjoy the quick "free" one-hour group lesson today.  All the kids went to one group, and all the adults went to another.  It was probably a good idea, as Dustin was exhausted at the end of it all and would likely have been whining to me half-way through if I'd been around!  Joshua, however, was a rock star and wanted to keep going afterwards.  He's gonna be my ski buddy!!  Dustin is such a little tyke, still, so I totally get that he's going to take a while to get into it.  He did so well, and was pleased that he even won a race!

So I actually did learn a few things in my lesson today!  I'm excited to go out and try skiing again.  And, I'm SUPER thankful that my knees feel much better tonight than they did even this morning!  That's a relief, for sure.  I'm looking forward to my next physio appointment and learning how to "tape" my knees up until they're strong enough to support themselves - the taping itself can be used to re-train muscles and joints, apparently.  I'm intrigued by it!

How wonderful!

Yesterday, I went to visit a naturopathic doctor.  She was fantastic!

I'll spare you the details of our appointment - for now - but early on in the appointment, she shocked me.

She asked how many children I had.

"Oh, I have four."

"Four!  How WONDERFUL!"

That was a first.  Usually the response is something along the lines of, "Wow, you must be busy."  Or, "You have your hands full!"

Her response blessed me.  How wonderful that there are still people who appreciate "large" families (even though my family is still quite small in comparison to some).

Another setback

I can't win.  I simply can't win.  It's ironic that someone said earlier that they were hoping for a WIN for me.

However, today is not my day.

Here's an e-mail I sent out to my in-laws and some friends earlier tonight:

So, I had an appointment with Dr. Jones today - 

I have an injury to both knees in the LCL - Lateral Collateral Ligament - which is the supporting ligament on the outside of the knee that's attached to the iliotibial band (which stabilizes the outside of the leg from the hip down to the knee).  The left is worse than the right.  Walking stairs today was beyond painful.  I have the added complication of an unusual form of shin splints high on the outside of the shin.

I have a number of options - simply rest it and ice it, and hope it sort of heals somewhere within the next 2-6 weeks.

Or - aggressively treat it with a rigorous combination of TENS, ice, ultrasound, anti-inflammatory rub, stretching, and strengthening, and adding some kinesio tape next week when things settle down a bit and see how I fare with that.  The doctor doesn't want to see this debilitate me, and thinks we can avoid a major stoppage of "play" by treating it aggressively.

I'm opting for the more aggressive treatment, obviously.  I've spent far too much time exercising these last few weeks to let it all go down the drain by "resting passively".

So there you have it. 

I wonder if I can be healed enough to go skiing tomorrow?

So... I try to treat it and hope that everything I have been doing these last 3-4 weeks is salvageable... skiing, basketball, workouts, rowing, running...  I'll be kinda ticked if my season is done for a couple of reasons:  firstly, because even though the scale is not moving, I've got some momentum - but secondly, I've kind of put out a bit of money to ski and play basketball this winter, and I will NOT be impressed if I can't use those investments this winter!!

Time to go find some ice and apply the TENS!

A short update

If you're not into negative or downcast stuff, just close this window and carry on with your day like you never even stumbled upon the Buzzings...

I wrote this into a "Healthy Life" group that I'm part of on Facebook - pretty much sums up some things.

I am discouraged. Let me tell you why:

Dec 29th - Cardio Max & Power Sculpt - both Level 1
Dec 31st - x-country skiing - moderate intensity - 1 hr with boys.
Jan 1st - x-country skiing with a friend - high intensity - 1 hr.
Jan 3rd - Cardio Max & Power Sculpt - both Level 1
Jan 5th - BL Boot Camp (Bob Harper) - Levels 1 & 2
Jan 6th - a workout that I've created at home - high intensity intervals and circuits incorporating cardio and weights "biggest loser style". I sweat with this workout more than I do with the videos - lasted 50 minutes
Jan 7th - x-country ski with a friend - high intensity - 1 hr, then skating with the boys for an hour - moderate intensity.
Jan 9th - Boot Camp Levels 1 & 2
Jan 10th - a repeat of Jan 6th creation
Jan 11th - played b-ball for the first time in about 13 years. I sweated and panted harder than anything I've done in a while, for a full hour and fifteen minutes. I worked HARD. And I felt good, but decimated.

I've been eating loads of fresh unadulterated veggies, a few fruits here and there, and have been cutting my sugar waaaaaayyyyy down. I'm not drinking soda of any kind (but rather 10-12 glasses of water per day), I'm not eating bread or white rice or potatoes, and I'm eating a healthy amount of protein. Like everyone, I had a couple of slip-up days around Christmas and New Year's, but got back on track easily. We had a potluck the other night here with some friends, but I ate only a teeny amount of dessert and exercised some good portion control - and most of what was brought was actually pretty healthy stuff!  (Last time, we were loaded down with cheese - this time, we had lots of good meat!)

And yet...

The scale climbs. I cannot tell you how this makes me feel discouraged and miserable. I can't win for doing everything right. I'm not sure what my body is needing in order to get the kick-start it needs. You'd think that with the exercise, the eating healthier (consuming around 1700cal a day), and still nursing, the weight would actually start falling off, but it's not.

I am totally, totally, TOTALLY open to suggestions and advice. Because obviously I need it...!! I can't figure myself out at all here.

In addition to that... well, it's just rough going.  I have some good days, and then the crash is worse than before.  I didn't think the pit could get any deeper or darker, but it does.  My motivation wanes even further with each crash.  I almost don't even care any more - what's the point if it just keeps going like this?  

There's judgment and pressure from everywhere...

• "stop nursing so you can take drugs" (drugs haven't helped before, so I'm not going to stop nursing just so I can take something that I know isn't going to help - doing both Spencer and I a huge disservice)
• "exercise more" (right, because I have more hours in my day to do that...)
• "eat less" (right, because with nursing, I should be on a 1200cal diet?)
• "work harder" (come and do my job, then)
• "just get over it" (wanna walk a mile in my shoes?  right.  didn't think so.)

Do more.  Do less.  Be more.  Be less.  Get it together.  Lower your expectations.  Make it all perfect.  Because if it's perfect on the outside, then it *must* be perfect on the inside, right?  The torment is overwhelming...

Jesus, where are You? 

I have a naturopath appointment on Friday.  Maybe she'll be able to offer some greater insight?