Grumpy girlie

Me?  Sometimes.

But in this case, I'm referring to Meaghan.

She woke on the wrong side of her crib this morning.  Ga-rum-py!!  Loads of whining, screeching, even after nursing and breakfast... and I was slated to babysit a friends' two daughters this morning in a mere few minutes from the time of this lovely meltdown Meaghan was giving me.  I snuggled her on the sofa, she nestled her head into me and sobbed.

I asked her, "Meaghan, are we going to have a rough day today?"

"Ah" she replied (her word for "yeah).

Then she hopped off my lap and went to play happily.  Not an inconsolable moment since.  Silly girl.

Waiting

Sometimes waiting is a good thing.

I got a phone call today... one that I've been waiting on for the last 3 or 4 weeks.  The thing is this - I did all I knew I could do to give myself the best chance of *success*, and not an ounce was left to give... the process and outcome was entirely in God's hands.

And the outcome is favourable....

I am thankful.  Excited, even.  In my waiting, I really had to come to grips with the possibility of a less than favourable-to-me outcome, and that if God didn't want *my* outcome to happen, then it simply would not be, and I had to prepare myself for the other options.  After all, the odds were very heavily stacked against me.  It was entirely in His hands, and either way, I had come to a place of peace with His decision.

But I am thankful for *this* outcome.  Uncharted territory for me, but a journey I am excited to embark on.

Umm, awkward!

A new family moved in behind us in August.  They have a little girl just a few weeks older than Meaghan. Visions of playdates have been dancing around in my head; the mom is expecting another baby in January.  Her husband often chats with me over the fence; our families have exchanged phone numbers for the eventuality of such play dates.

I ran into the mother in Save-On the other night, around 10:30, as we both were scrambling to get some last-minute groceries for the next day.  In our conversation, I learned that she is a dentist and owns her own practice.  Her husband owns it with her, but he takes care of the business side of things.

She works all day at the clinic, and he works at home in the evenings.

Meaning HE'S the one home with their daughter during the day.

Meaning that any play dates that happen...?  Do I even need to say any more?  Do I even need to say how inappropriate it would be for me (alone with Meaghan certain mornings) and him (alone with his daughter) to be spending time in either of our homes for several hours?

I'm SO glad I ran into his wife the other night, otherwise I would not have known that it would be D and her dad... not D and her mom... *sigh*  Now to try and explain the awkwardness of this situation to them and have them  understand that it's not that I don't trust them... it's more about my reputation (and quite frankly, theirs too!) and witness... neighbors are quite given to chatter and gossip...

Am I overreacting?

Worship Reflections

Let me qualify first by saying this:  I realize that not everyone worships the same way.  Some are hand-raisers, some are not.  (I am one, but I'm OK with those that don't.)  Some are 'dancers/swayers', some are not.  Some don't even sing.  And that's OK - as long as their heart is right before God in worship, which is never for me to judge anyway.  I am starting to recognize some of the hand-raisers.  There aren't many in our church!  But I figure that if our senior pastor can raise his hands in worship, then it's totally OK for me to do so as well.

But yesterday...

I was helping lead worship, and as a non-instrument-player, I am the only one with free hands.  Sometimes, I have to admit, it's tough to be the only hand-raiser on the platform.  It's maybe just a little awkward.  But it's more awkward for me to keep my hands down the entire time, so I raise them sometimes.

Yesterday we were having a bit of a rough morning.  For whatever reason, there were lots of awkward moments.  We got to our last song - The Stand - which admittedly had a couple of awkward moments as well.  When we got to the chorus - "I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned / in awe of the One Who gave it all / I'll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered / All I am is Yours" - I caught a glimpse of someone.  A humble, sweet, short and stout elderly lady... unabashedly raising her hands in worship.  She is not the type of lady who would raise her hands just because the song would tell her to.

It caught me off guard.  Emotion welled up in my throat and I couldn't sing for a few measures.  (I hate getting emotional when I'm leading worship...)

I am not really a people-watcher when I'm leading worship, because honestly, sometimes it can be discouraging.  But sometimes God catches my attention with a particular person or scenario.  And yesterday, it was the image of this sweet lady raising her hands in worship to the One who is worthy of praise.

Been thinking about...

I confess to being frustrated.

So, here goes... raw and unedited.

I grieve when mamas ask for advice, and get a plethora of non-fact-based opinions rather than evidence-based help... many of the opinions will only serve to hurt the mom or the baby, and not protect the safety or health of the wee one.

I get upset when I am pressured constantly to stop doing something that the World Health Organization says is healthy and normal for me to be doing...

I am upset that I can't share certain positive things with certain people thanks to the certain fallout that will occur... I already know what the response will be based on certain past "hypothetical" conversations.  What will be will be, but I'm sad that I have to *hide* certain things now, and for as long as possible - to protect my heart and my space.  I just can't deal with the negativity quite yet, though in due time I'll have to face their music.

I have shed more than my share of tears lately.  I feel very alone these days... I've been sick, Meaghan is sick, I'm not sleeping, and nursing has been exhausting lately (though I still love it - my body is drained and I'm having those "drowsy" moments when I'm nursing again).  I'm needing an extra measure of strength and grace these days...

Loving Joshua

First day of school - grade one!  Lookin' like he's ready!

Waiting for the bus...

And the classic "first day of school on the bus" picture.  :)

Happy boy.  After I snapped this picture, he said, "Mommy, did you see my armpits?"

Joshua is such a fantastic big brother... he loves to read to Meaghan while she happily sits on her potty.  Yes, in her room.  While we're not actively potty training, she loves to sit on here, and usually produces something (and then gets ripping mad when it's time to put her diaper back on).  He loves to sit beside her and read books to her - he is the best biggest big brother Meaghan could ask for.

And now, a story...


September 4th


Today the boys found a dragonfly newly entangled in a massive spider web. They gently removed it with a stick, and somehow brushed off the webs from its wings and feet. It was at this point that I wrote that status. :)

However, the dragonfly was not doing so well... kind of, umm, listless. Not knowing anything about helping bugs, the boys put the dragonfly on the patio table, and when we returned later, it was belly-up, not moving. Graeme told Joshua that it had died, and poor J's face fell... so he went out to bid his little dragonfly friend goodbye. He saw its legs move... so he put it in a little 'bug house' that he'd made as a craft at church. Within a couple of hours, the dragonfly was moving around a LOT more, even starting to flap its wings.

It's now out in the bug house, in the tent, with Graeme and Joshua. Too cute!


September 5th


The dragonfly died today. Joshua is heartbroken; he buried it in the garden and even made a little tombstone for it about "Joshua's little buddy. His name is Joshua, named after Joshua LaRue." And he drew a picture of a little dragonfly. So sweet.   (He is normally a fantastic writer - at barely 6 years old - but when he's distraught, he gets some of his letters mixed up.  Still pretty cute!)

Sweet Meaghan

Little Miss Meaghan -

You've got quite the spunk.  If someone gets in your face, you are quite ready to show them that they're too close.  Your hand strikes out readily - too readily - and you've got some fire in your bones.   You will have no problem standing up for yourself as you get older.

But you are the sweetest little girl.  Though you are not talking much at all yet, you are fantastic with signing to me what you want.  You are able to tell me when you want a drink of *milk* or *water*, or when you want to *eat*... you can tell me when you have to go to the *potty*, you love to sign *puppy* and *birdie*, and you are generous with your *more* and *please*.  There are many others, but you are eager to communicate with your eyes and your hands, and sometimes your words - today, you pointed to your high chair and declared, "Dack!"  I guess it was snack time in your world - I looked at the clock, and indeed it *was* snack time!!

You are also starting to mimic activities.  You love to try and get dressed, or help fold laundry, or help take laundry out of the washing machine and put it in the dryer.  You are a fantastic help with unloading the dishwasher - you love to take the dishes one by one as I hand them to you, and put them away.  Since you can't reach the cutlery drawer, we switch places and you hand me the forks and spoons one by one until we're all done.

The other day, though, you caught me by surprise.  You went to the cupboard and started setting the table.  It wasn't anywhere close to meal time, but you diligently got out plate after blessed plate and toddled them over to the table, then cup after cup.  It didn't matter that they were all helter-skelter stacked on the table, or that there weren't the right number of dishes... you are showing that you have a servant's heart.  And you are so pleased with yourself!!

You bring me much joy, Miss Meaghan.  More than that, though, you bring much joy to your Heavenly Father.  He delights in you, He rejoices over you... and I can't wait to see what he does with you, sweet one.

Delightful Dustin

Dustin, you are a delight to me.
You love your baby sister with unabashed affection.
You are so generous - you gave her your blanket today.  For keeps.  For now, anyway.
And guess what?  You are a delight to Meaghan, too.

You learned your first "for real" Bible verse the other day.  Memorization does not come easy to you, but we "rapped" a verse in devotions the other night, "Love your neighbor as yourself, Galatians 5:14."  You can't stop saying it.  And, what delights me even more is that you're living it out.

As much as you are a delight to Meaghan and me, you are even moreso a delight to your Heavenly Father. He is surely smiling down on you!!  I pray that you always dwell in the riches and fullness of His grace...

I wrestle

~ with communication and confrontation
~ with insincere people
~ with knowing how to reach out
~ with extreme dizziness and lack of energy...
~ ...and therefore also with efficiency and multitasking
~ with balance
~ with saying "no"
~ with school
~ with teaching J how to stand up for himself
~ with purpose

I guess this is *my* post of truth.

Strawberry Tree

Dustin is sitting and eating the remainder of his lunch - strawberries.

He has taken three seeds off of one strawberry, and is holding them tenderly on his thumb, making sure they don't fall off.

He is going to take them outside and plant them in the garden.  They are going to turn into strawberry trees; one for him, one for Joshua, and one for Meaghan.

I love that kid.

Bug Rescuer

Today the boys found a dragonfly newly entangled in a massive spider web. They gently removed it with a stick, and somehow brushed off the webs from its wings and feet.

However, the dragonfly was not doing so well... kind of, umm, listless. Not knowing anything about helping bugs, the boys put the dragonfly on the patio table, and when we returned later, it was belly-up, not moving. Graeme told Joshua that it had died, and poor J's face fell... so he went out to bid his little dragonfly friend goodbye. He saw its legs move... so he put it in a little 'bug house' that he'd made as a craft at church, to keep the bug safe and sheltered. Within a couple of hours, the dragonfly was moving around a LOT more, even starting to flap its wings.

The dragonfly is now outside, still in its bug house, in the tent, where Graeme and Joshua are having a back-yard campout.  So sweet!