Anyway, I need to vent.
I am working my butt off. Taking care of 3 kids all day long... I could set them in front of the TV so I could do "my" thing all day, but I don't. I choose instead to interact with them, to take them to the park, to play outside with them, to read to them, to eat with them... and I love it.
I am still only 10 weeks post-partum.
I am trying to pack a house and move. Most of the packing falls to me.
So I spend 8-10 hours a day being only a Mom and dedicating myself to my kids. Sometimes, with certain items, I am able to get them to help in the packing process. But anyone who has moved with young children knows it's easier to pack without them, thank you very much.
I then spend 2-3 hours in the evenings purging, packing, sorting, cleaning... on top of regular housework, correspondence, and paperwork.
And then I'm made to feel guilty if I want to go for a swim. I haven't been to the pool in....umm, a while. A few days anyway. Maybe it was Wednesday or Thursday last week? Not sure.
Swimming is incredibly healthy for me. It replaces chiropractor visits, massages, anti-inflammatories, and comfort food. And in a time of stress like what we're going through right now (not that I'm complaining about the move, but it IS busier than normal), I need the water therapy. If I don't, I can't function at peak efficiency. Cause, effect.
I love being a mom. I am looking forward to the move. I have packed up our stuff 7 times in 10 years, and I know what it takes to make it all happen. How much time we need, order of events/packing items, etc. We are well on track right now, if not ahead of schedule.
Yet there a lack of trust... "you can't afford to go for a swim because not enough stuff is packed"... "are you sure you have time for _____?"... etc.
My life can't stop just because we're moving. My kids need as much normalcy as possible, and quite frankly, I need a bit of reprieve, too. Isn't that OK? Am I being too selfish?
*Vent over*
Thanks.
Mel - i remember when my crew had the chicken pox, it was -45' (January) & i was highly pregnant with Mollen. i remember phoning my mom & saying, 'what do i do? i don't want to be a bad mom & just sit them in front of the tv!" & mom said, "Paige, there are seasons where a little too much tv isn't going to hurt... It's not your lifestyle... you're just using it as a crutch to get through these really difficult days." She was totally right. The tv stayed on... & i just *barely* managed to stay sane... Let yourself use crutches, (& outlets like swimming) guilt-free. There is enough guilt in motherhood. You're doing an exceptional thing - looking after 3 little ones with a tiny baby - & trying to get ready to move. Give yourself some more grace. ((((hugs))))
ReplyDeleteGuilt is not from God. I have to remember that all the time because it is so easy to fall into feeling guilty. I agree with Paige. There is only so much one girl can do. Give yourself a break you are not superwoman...no matter how much you want to be. You are already doing superhuman feats JUST nursing a baby and taking care of 3 small children. That is exhausting enough and then add on taking care of house, food, laundry, book keeping, and on and on the list goes...give yourself a break and then if others don't give you that same freedom sit them down and say "What are your concerns?" And then listen. If they aren't valid say "I love you. I am working hard. If this is going to get done properly I need to do it in this way. Please release me to do that." If they are valid concerns adjust within those concerns :D. If talking doesn't work you are not required to take on their stuff. Not your problem. Keep moving forward. And remember what God says "My yoke is easyvand my burden is light..." Give yourslef grace and a break. I am not a huge TV fan but sometimes it's ok sometimes as a treat it's fun for your kids and you can get some amazing things done. Anyway, I culd go on but I imagine you didn't even need this advice ;P you just needed to vent. I hope you are havign a better day Mel!
ReplyDeleteLove, Tama
Hope you got out for a swim this evening. You need time to yourself and you deserve it. You should NOT be feeling guilty, with all that you are doing.
ReplyDeleteMoving 7 times in 10 years - I can't even imagine!!