Thoughts on relationships...

I was at a mini-retreat a few weeks ago, one night at our church.  There were 7 of us ladies; 6 participants and one leader.  The leader was kind enough to *resentfully and with much coercion* (ha!) hold Spencer for me so that I, too, could retreat.

The retreat was neat.  It was super-simple - mostly guided reflection - and it was wonderful.

A couple of ladies left when it was all over, and a few of us stayed behind for some chit-chat and some baby snuggling - Spencer was only about 5 weeks old at the time.  We all know each other reasonably well, and are very comfortable with each other.  I would've considered us all to be mutual friends already to some level or another.  Somehow we got to talking about relationships, and then...

...well, then I broke down.

I realized that I was really, really lonely.

And... I very, very quickly learned that several of us felt the exact same way.

But... why?

Well, here's the rationale:
Women who don't have kids feel like they are intruding on those that do.  The thought is that moms are busy enough with all their little ones, so why on earth would they want to add another relationship in there to nurture and feed?

The flip side is this - that as a mom, why would I even think that someone without kids would want to spend time with me?  After all, all I am is a mom of busy little ones.  Why is that interesting to someone without children?

The overarching theme is this - "What does she see in me, that I'm worth her time and effort?"

We don't feel like we're worth it.

But what we all do feel is this:  God has made us to crave relationships.  Relationships with Him, and relationships with each other.  We need each other.  God didn't create us to be alone.  He created us to learn from one another, to feed each other, to receive from each other, to challenge each other.

I've been afraid, on some level, to dive into new, deep relationships.  Having been deeply burned before, I am terrified of letting someone else in quite that closely.

I'm thankful that the walls came down that night, for all of us.  I love it when God does big things with relationships.  I love it when He teaches me about His desire for relationship with little old me at the same time.