Happiness is...

...listening to two little boys belly-laugh in the back of the van over nothing but silly faces...

...singing... to God... to my kids...

...taking Meaghan into the big tub and moving her/jumping her around in the water, and to be rewarded with her first laughs and squeals of delight...

...resting my head...

...a good swim (although tonight's swim was definitely less than stellar)...

...a day off for Graeme tomorrow...

...the promise of better things to come...

...folding cloth diapers and just breathing in the joy that results in folding Meaghan's laundry...

...cleaning my kitchen counters...

...a hug from either of my boys...

...sweet snuggles from Meaghan...

...knowing who my true friends are, and being humbled by God's grace in giving them to me...

It was not a good day overall today, but there were some definite highlights. I have had a constant headache for far too long now, Joshua had another bad afternoon (though thankfully not as bad as yesterday!), I am not getting anywhere near enough sleep... but the definite best part of my day was taking Meaghan into the big tub with me tonight before her bedtime. At first we just sat in the water, but when I started bouncing her up and down, or moving her back and forth in the water, I was rewarded with the biggest smiles I've ever seen from her, and even a few squeals of delight. She is such a happy little dollie.

Dustin has been pretty good, too, although when Joshua comes home and lets loose a bit, Dustin goes with him. Because I'm tired, I'm not handling it as well as I probably could.

That being said, it's 11:43. Time for bed.

Tough days for Joshua

Joshua is in day camp this week at our church. He, along with 67 other young children ages 5-8, have been spending 5 1/2 hours a day playing games, learning Bible stories, and having big field trips (u-pick, anyone?).

Problem is, he has been deprived of his daytime nap.

"He needs to get used to not napping," I'm told.

"He's too old to nap."

"You need to teach him how to not be tired." ????

Are not all children wired differently?

If I've gotten the clean bill of health from his pediatrician (i.e. there are no underlying conditions causing his fatigue), then should I really deliberately deprive him?

After the last 3 days, I am certainly convinced anew that naptime for Joshua is still indeed very necessary. Day one wasn't too bad, but day two was a little more testy than normal, and day three was a complete disaster.

"Disaster" defined by kicking little brother in the head, punching Mommy, breaking things in his room, and sassing me to the nth degree. This is certainly not 'normal' behavior for him; he gets into these types of fits usually only when he is overtired. Putting him to bed early? Nope. He knows the time on a clock and will fight us vehemently (i.e. not stay in his room, etc) to avoid bedtime. My polite and sweet little boy becomes aggressive, angry, and dark.

Today is day 4, and they are supposed to go to Fort Edmonton Park for some of the day.

I am really not sure what to do. He became repentant last night after it was all said and done, which was certainly welcome. He slept well. He is even-keeled this morning. Do I give him the benefit of the doubt and let him go again?

Theses are the moments that I could do without. The moments where sin overtakes the nature he is capable of and joyful in. Sin is just ugly.

Oh Lord, grant my little boy the discernment of his actions... the will to persevere through the fatigue... self-control... peace once again...

Holidays

I can't help but feel like I'm still on holidays. Even though life is still going on - I'm washing diapers, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen, unpacking, etc - I feel such peace around me in so many ways.

This past weekend was a good example again. We had family over for Graeme's birthday cake on Friday night (I'd made an ice cream cake). On Saturday, we went to some friends' house for a backyard pool party, that just happened to fall on Graeme's actual birthday. The kids all had a blast sliding down the giant inflatable waterslide a gazillion times, and we all ate very very well. I love this particular group of friends; although there are no Christians in the group aside from Graeme and I, we can all hang out together, have meaningful conversation, and have a rip-roaring good time... all without the presence of alcohol or other mind-altering substances.

Then, last night, we had the G-squared birthday bash. Graeme & Carissa came over (we found out a few months ago that Graeme & Graeme have the exact same birthday) for a bbq and ice-cream cake. We also found out last night that both Graemes are left-handed, and both of them love ice-cream cake as a first choice for birthday cakes. We're considering doing a DNA test to see if they're related in some weird way. We also played Jungle Speed - a not-well-known game, but SO much fun! It's a card game requiring keen eyes and fast hands. Graeme W. had to go take a phone call halfway through one of our games, so the rest of us took the opportunity to put the expansion pack (even crazier cards) into the mix. When we resumed play, Graeme W. had no clue... Carissa and I were giggling like idiots, and Graeme L. was making all sorts of puns... finally Graeme W. clued in and we had a good laugh over it. Another couple - mutual friends of all of us - came over for dessert and fellowship but had to leave before we started playing games. I just felt like I was in my groove. Hosting, laughing, cooking, discussing... it was good.

Worship yesterday was unbelievable. I had the privilege of leading worship again with Lynette and 3 other guys. Although she is technically the "leader", she doesn't like singing lead most of the time and therefore sings alto. I sing lead. And yesterday - through no credit of my own - I was blown out of the water and the worship was amazing. I could actually hear people singing. Hungering for God. I stopped singing at one point because it was just so powerful. This is a straight-laced Baptist church, but the people opened their hearts yesterday to God's goodness. It was incredible. I love watching people respond to the Spirit of God.

Today Joshua is at day camps again. This will be his first week without naps ALL week long. He is over 5 years old but still requires naps most days. We'll see how he handles himself this week. It could get ugly. :) I hope it doesn't, though. Dustin is off having an adventure at Gramma & Grampa's house, leaving me alone with Meggie. She is such a dollie.

Anyway.... enough rambling. Must get some phone calls, unpacking, and erranding done!

sweet day

two angel food cakes made,

one gargantuan bowl of frosting dumped on the floor (whoops),

a vacuumed house,

a backyard party with friends,

two boys down the waterslide a bazillion times,

a sweet baby dolly snuggled in her crib,

three handsome men sleeping out in the tent,

a hubby with a birthday,

a kitchen yet to clean,

a comfy bed to fall into.

What a great day.

I am blessed.

Feeling bloggy

My fingers are itching to blog, and my heart is nearly pounding out of my chest. Nobody has any new blog posts for me to read this morning, and so therefore I am going through withdrawal and am compelled to write something of my own.

Problem is, I don't really have anything positive or impacting to write about.

I've had a growing headache for a couple of weeks now, usually worst in the mornings, but today it's hanging on and is crushing both sides of my head. Must persevere through it...we're having a groupie thing this afternoon, and it's Graeme's birthday. Physical stress, lack of sleep, and mental stress (business stuff) taking its toll. Wee girlie slept well last night, though, so I'm blessed. The boys even slept in till 7:56 this morning - exactly 56 minutes longer than every other day for the last few months. It was glorious!

We had family over last night for Graeme's birthday ice-cream cake. Yummmm.... almost as fun to eat as it was to make. I also made some cupcakes; those were easy also. Joshua, smarty-pants that he is, read the entire book of "Hop on Pop" to the entire family. He pretended he was a teacher, and Dustin was his assistant; between the two of them they had fun reading and keeping the class in line, saying, "Attention, everybody!" whenever we started talking. They even threatened us with time-outs. It was pretty cute.

I am on worship team tomorrow - what a blessing this is turning out to be. Hey Tama, guess who's drumming for us??... Jim!! As in your bro-in-law Jim! He's hilarious. I usually don't mesh much with drummers - they're a different breed, ha ha! - but he really mixed well with the whole team. Such fun! It can always be interesting working with new (to us) musicians - relational dynamics, etc - but it was a fun night at rehearsal the other night.

So we decided the other night that I would leave Meaghan at home for rehearsal and Graeme would give her a bottle in my absence for bedtime. I had a full bottle of milky goodness waiting for her (she'd slept over 12 hours the night before, so I HAD to pump!)... but she absolutely flat-out refused to take the bottle from Daddy. She kept whimpering and giving him this look of "Daddy, how COULD you?" I can picture it. So I'd fed her right before I left the house, and 1 1/2 hours later he called me to ask what he should do with her. "Pinkie her and put her to bed." As in, she doesn't take a soother, but she does like a pinky finger when she needs a little extra non-nutritive sucking. She fell asleep immediately. We figured she'd be up quite early since she'd gone to bed without milkies... but she slept till 4:00. Pretty normal.

OK, I think the blog-bug is out now. I'll stop boring you, and go vacuum the messy floors from last night's party. There were sprinkles on the cupcakes, and, well, you get the picture.

Role Reversal

The thing about being in a *better place* is that I can see more clearly now.

I can see how blessed I am, and *believe* it; and not just say it 'cuz it's the right thing to say.

I can see the silver lining on the clouds, and I can see the rainbow after the rain.

I can look at a scenario that's out of my control and say, "Good thing there's One bigger than me Who is in control." And I can rest in that, and be at peace, and release the weight of it, letting my Burden-Bearer take care of it for me. I can also act rationally and properly, reacting appropriately in situations that are beyond my wisdom, and acting in God's direction to bring about His outcome.

(It's not that I was a *complete* basket-case before...)

But then a test comes.

And I can remove myself from the personal side of it. If I'm not in control - if the influences are coming from outside of my four walls - then I can't internalize it. I mustn't receive what I can't control.

But it's hard to watch someone nearly self-destruct over these same things.

I don't fear for the situation - I am quite at peace about it - but I fear for the one who can't separate himself from the process. I hurt for the one who bears the burdens herself, when it's not her fault or her doing. I am afraid for the ones who have seen me at my lowest, and have watched God amazingly pull me out... only to then themselves sink into the same pit I just came out of.

This is the hard part.

Oh God, impart your grace and peace where chaos currently reigns... replace doubt and self-reliance with trust and dependence on You...

My God is able...

...to do more than I could ever have asked or imagined... according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus...

I still cannot believe how fearful I was of having a third child.

I always wanted a third. Never a doubt. I never felt complete, even after Dustin and the physical struggles I had after he was born.

But I was so afraid.

Afraid that I would lose her. Distancing myself from her even at the earliest stages, in so many ways, so that I wouldn't be as hurt if something terrible did happen.

Afraid that if #3 was a tough baby, that I wouldn't be able to cope.

Afraid that I wouldn't reach my goals of a natural childbirth, knowing that natural childbirth can speed recovery and help reduce the risk of PPD, which I struggled with after Dustin, also.

Afraid that I wouldn't be healthy enough to take care of her and myself post-partum.

Afraid of failing my husband and boys.

Afraid that my already fragile state would be further broken. That my faith in God would waver. That He would not pull through for me and give me grace and strength to handle my new family.

But Meaghan is a special gift. Even if she would've been a tough baby, I would like to think I would still feel this way about her.

I often joke about having paid my dues with Dustin, so I *deserved* a good baby this time around.

I don't feel like I deserve this mercy God has given me. I don't feel like I deserve Meaghan. She is happier than I could ever imagine a baby to be. She is patient when I can't feed her right away. She is tougher than nails for what her brothers put her though. She is content and only really all-out cries when she's hurt (see previous sentence) or when I've put off her feed for far too long. She falls asleep at the drop of a hat, any time, anywhere. She nurses very well. She gazes at me. She smiles at me just because I'm her mama.

I feel as though every time Meaghan graces me with her gorgeous smile, that God is saying, "See? See how beautiful she is? I made her just for you. Because I know you needed her in this season."

Several times a day, when I'm nursing Meaghan, her little hand forms this perfect shape... my boys couldn't form it until they were 2 years old, but Meaghan regularly has her hand in the American Sign Language sign for "I love you." She places her hand by her face or on my breast and just makes the sign so perfectly. "I love you."

I love you, too, Baby Dollie. More than you will never know. More than I could have ever dreamed. You are just as much a gift to me as your brothers are. And I love you, Meaghan.

Miss Meaghan's First Bubble Bath

So this house has a jacuzzi/jet-tub thingy in the ensuite bathroom. Kinda cool. I used it the first night we lived here. Ah - may - zing. Loved it. I just might take a bath once in a while now (snicker).

The boys were quite excited about 'our' tub, too. We promised them a "baffy baf" (the boys' words when talking about Meaghan's bath) in our special tub one night when we had some extra time.

So, here we are... and I even decided to toss Meaghan in, too! :) She wasn't too sure about it; obviously I have some work to do with her to get her liking bubble baths! Perhaps it was not feeling the tub on her bum (I suspended her in the water), or perhaps the noise of the jets and the movement of the water swirling around her made her uneasy. She didn't cry, though, but she certainly didn't look like she was enjoying herself. The boys loved it, though!!

Here are some pictures to document the fun and the story line:

Contentedness

I grew up with...not much. I'll spare you the details.

We are so blessed. We live in a big new house in a fabulous neighborhood. My kids have 3 parks to choose from. I am part of a wonderful church and an amazing community of faith and practicality.

I get irked when people complain about every. single. thing.

Never finding the positive... always being burdened under the negatives.

When 10 minutes to do a job "takes too long"...and I didn't have the same tools growing up and the same job took me an hour.

When the grass isn't green enough or plush enough...and my lawn while I was growing up consisted entirely of weeds, and on the farm I used a push mower to do the entire yard.

When we expect life to be perfect, products to be perfect, people to be perfect. Never an inconvenience or struggle.

What do we expect?

I guess if you never know any different - if the people raising you spend their entire days pointing out faults and shortcomings - then I guess you'll expect nothing but perfection in every single aspect of your life, and then I guess you'll breathe discontentedness in everything you do.

I think it must take a lot of energy to be constantly miserable. To *choose* misery and negativity. To believe that life owes you everything on a silver platter.

Yes, reality means that sometimes we need to get upset about things not being the way they should...but isn't there a line where it just gets ridiculous and petty?

How do you sow an attitude of "being content" in others? And what do you do when you are constantly challenged with in-your-face negativity?

Serious Cuteness

Seriously. Could she be ANY cuter?

There's a story to the last picture and the RICE practice (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation) - basically, Dustin was jumping off some playground equipment this morning when we were out. Another lady came running – she’s a nurse, and was able to diagnose a sprain as opposed to a break/greenstick fracture, so I knew we’d be OK. She was a really nice lady and I hope I get to run into her again!! But, we’d used the kids’ scooters to get to the park (it happens to be the Summerwood Park farthest from our house, took about 20 minutes to ‘scoot’ there), and Dustin of course couldn’t scoot himself home. So Joshua scooted himself home, but I was pushing Meaghan in the stroller and pulling Dustin on his scooter (he could stand but not push with his foot). Poor guy. He can walk now, but it’s very tender and he’s preferring to crawl. He’ll live. He’s going to have to learn life the hard way on a lot of things...

Perfection

What makes a perfect day?

The worship and message in church this morning?

A surprise invitation for lunch with 4 friends and their kids from church?

Three napping children, a napping Daddy, and an erranding Mama who needs to find a birthday present for this afternoon's party?

Aforementioned birthday party with 10 other friends from church and around 10 other kids? Starting with a jaunt through the sprinkler, some pool time, and ending with good food and conversation?

Getting home putting 3 children to bed... three tired but happy children?

Capping it all off with a fantastic 1:15 bike ride, and then coming home to blog about my day?

Yes, those things contribute.

But it's the love of my Heavenly Father who makes it *perfect*.

I feel like I'm on holidays today. No, the day wasn't also without its challenges, but being close to my Father makes it perfect anyway.

I am blessed.

Some happenings in our new place

...and a couple from our old place, too! :)

The boys have been having fun with Meaghan, teaching her how to hold toys. They just think she's the most fun sweet thing ever. I can't argue with them!

Then, of course, she's so smiley and sweet for them...

She was resting on our unmade bed the morning we were moving out of our old house.

And had tuckered herself out the day of our move-in. She usually squawks for a few minutes when she's ready for her nap; sometimes I'm in the middle of something and can't get to her in time. Sometimes she escalates her squawking, and other times she just plugs in the thumb and falls asleep.

A couple days after we moved in, Joshua was holding Meaghan. She's only half-folded here. It got worse. She could've poked her eyes out with her big toe!

Meaghan promptly decided that it was time to *really* work on rolling over. So she spent a few days working super-hard...

...and on Tuesday, she did it! Now I can't stop her... she went first from tummy to back, then a few minutes later went back to tummy. This is a full two weeks ahead of the boys' first roll-overs - she's one week shy of her 3-month birthday here. Yikes!!

(I love the drool-drop on the chin...)

Rotund little belly... so squishy and poke-able!

She doesn't seem to mind her vulnerability here...

The boys - we got them scooters with birthday money as move-in presents. Dustin is ALL about the scooter, but so is Joshua... if you can get him off his bike!! We live at the back of a cul-de-sac; lots of young boys to play with! Oh - and see that trailer in the background? Dustin decided to pretend he was a dog chasing parked cars... he stopped watching where he was going and plowed RIGHT into the thing while riding his bike. It was sure something! Both boy and trailer are fine.

Little posers!!!

Yesterday morning it was a little chilly, so we got the fireplace going (Graeme is insanely happy to have a gas fireplace!) and the boys cozied up and watched the flickering flames. Meggie was there, too, but I didn't get her in this picture.

One of the things I wanted to have in my bonus room was a reading corner. I didn't really even 'introduce' the stations of this room, but the boys knew immediately what to do with it when they saw their books and a chair and some pillows!! How sweet.... a rare moment of brotherly love!

we're in!

Just a quick update...

We've moved.

We're in.

We're over half-way unpacked.

Most of it got done in the first 24 hours. Productivity has severely diminished since the boys have been home. They actually ended up staying over one extra night at G&G's because there was a tornado warning (or watch?) for our area and G&G didn't want to drive. Can't blame them; it was nasty out there. But we got a lot done.

We love our new place.

My favorite part of the bonus room is the Reading Corner. The boys LOVE it, too! Who'da thunk?

Must get back to some more boxes; Graeme has today off and is taking care of the boys so I can blog - oops, I mean UNPACK! :)

Will chat more later - I miss you all! :)

It's OURS!

I just got a phone call from the realtor - we have key release on our new place!!!!

Now I just have to wait for Graeme to get off work and Meaghan to finish her nap - it's going to be a very painful 2 hours in some ways!! She literally *just* went down, I was coming down the stairs, and the phone rang; it was the realtor letting us know we could now go in the house.

How am I supposed to work now?????? I'm way too giddy and excited!

Our internet is being disconnected tonight, and we won't be back up and running for about a week, maybe 5 or 6 days if I'm really lucky. What an eternity without my blog world and my facebook to keep up with!! I know you won't let me down; I look forward to coming back to a plethora of new posts from some of my favorite people!!

Signing off with joy, giddiness, excitement, and scatter-brained-ness...

Melissa

Tomorrow!!!

Tomorrow, we take possession of our house.

Could be as early as noon-ish, could be as late as 5:00 p.m.

Is this day finally here? Is it ALREADY here?

Time to finish packing up the last little remnants of our lives here on the acreage. After naps, the boys will go over to their grandparents' place for two nights. That will give us tonight to finish packing up the remainder of the books & toys, as well as much of tomorrow. I'll still have Meaghan with me, of course. On Saturday, the movers come and take us from here to there, where we will start UNpacking in our new abode.

I'm excited to start this new chapter in our lives. This entire year has been a year of new chapters. I'm liking it. A lot. God is good.

(Rain just started splattering on my window...it's been so chilly today!)

Smiley Fry and Loving Brother

*dreamy sigh*

It just gets better every single day.

?

Just because you *can* do something, and do it well, does it mean you should? And how do you know the difference?

Ready-made?

Oh my goodness... ICK! I copied and pasted this from the web - it came from a facebook link so I can't find the actual URL... but I was quite grossed out by this. I should be in bed instead but needed to get this off my mind in blog form! Here is the article:

Ready Made Inc. debuts new disposable baby bottle prototype at Smart Baby Expo.

Ready Made Inc. has a new single use baby bottle that comes pre-filled with formula. These biodegradable bottles have received a great response both from the humanitarian and commercial markets.

PRLog (Press Release) – Jul 02, 2009 – Ready Made Inc. introduced the new patented single use disposable baby bottle prototype at the Smart Baby Expo in Tampa, Florida on Sunday. The Ready Made Baby Bottle is a brand new way to feed infants. Unlike conventional baby bottles that have to be sterilized, assembled and filled with formula, the Ready Made Bottle comes from the factory completely assembled, filled with a sterile food source and is ready to serve. (Melissa's note: "sterile food source"? Ewwww... sounds suspicious...)

The Smart Baby Expo caters to new parents and expecting parents and is held in cities across the US. Ready Made conducted a random survey at the event and the results are in. A whopping 85% of the respondents look forward to using Ready Made baby bottles in the future, in fact 20% said they would use the Ready Made single use bottles daily no matter what brand of formula comes in them!

The new biodegradable paper based design was a major selling point for parents who are concerned with the environmental impact of plastics and the threat of Bisphenol-A in plastic baby products. One Smart Baby Expo attendee, Christina Harper, commented, "I think this product is one of many that will eventually be very popular among people or parents who want a quick alternative for on the go meals for their babies. It's a "green" idea that many companies... should be very interested in." (Melissa's note: isn't breastfeeding about as "on-the-go" and "green idea" as it gets???)

Ready Made was also recently invited to take part in the World Vision: Experience AIDS event that took place in Orlando May 16-22. This event helps raise awareness of the AIDS crisis taking place in Africa. One third of children in Africa with the AIDS virus contracted the disease from breast feeding. The humanitarian version of the Ready Made disposable baby bottle can prevent these infants from contracting HIV by giving them clean meals until they are ready for solid food. Over 350 people endorsed the Ready Made bottles as being beneficial for humanitarian use.

The World Vision event also featured other humanitarian projects such as Haven of Hope Ministries and Bajalia. Bajalia imports and sells hand made African jewelry, clothing and other items and returns profits to the artisans in Africa.


About Ready Made Inc:

Ready Made Inc was founded in 2004 by Dr. Corwin Littell. Ready Made holds the US Utility patent on pre-filled single use baby bottles and 9 patents pending on various designs. . Ready Made single use bottles will be sold in stores throughout the U.S. and be available to global humanitarian markets beginning in 2010. Ready Made bottles are a convenient alternative to traditional baby bottles. They are pre filled and sterile from the factory, so there is no mixing, no mess and less illness related to bacterial cross contamination. Ready Made bottles are also free of Bisphenol-A.

For additional information on the Ready Made Disposable Baby Bottle visit www.readymadeinc.com. The Ready Made Disposable Baby Bottle is a trade mark of Ready Made Inc.

# # #

Ready Made Inc is an Orlando, FL company. Ready Made holds the patent on single use, ready to serve disposable baby bottles and is also committed to humanitarian use of these products.

Just never good enough

She gazes wistfully at the TV screen, watching the figure skaters in their sparkly costumes. Dreaming of being one of them one day. At least wanting to be given the chance. "You can't do that, we don't have enough money," Mom says, even though they spend hundreds of dollars a month on other discretionary expenses.

What the little girl hears: "You're not worth the money it would take for even the most basic of lessons."

~~~~~~~~~~

He spends hours building and creating his model airplane. It's almost done exactly how he wants it. He begins to swell with the feeling of a job well done. Dad walks in, starts taking it apart, and reassembles it. "You should have done it this way instead."

What the boy hears: "You made a piece of garbage. You'll never be good enough to do anything on your own. Good thing I'm here to fix it for you."

~~~~~~~~~~

She prepares to leave for college. The night before she leaves, her dad tells her that she's wasting her time and that she'll never amount to anything.

What she hears: "You're wasting your time and you'll never amount to anything."

~~~~~~~~~~

He wants to go to Bible School for a year. He doesn't have enough money of his own. His parents tell him that they'll fund his education if he takes a "real" education at a "real" university.

What he hears: "Bible School is a waste of time. We won't support you unless you do what *we* want you to and get a *real* job. Your decisions are worthless."

~~~~~~~~~~

What they all do: Start believing what their parents have spoken to them all those years.

Spirits are broken.

Hearts are wounded.

Creativity is squelched.

Excitement is stifled.

Joy is lost.

Hope fades.

Damage is done.

Life is spent replacing brokenness with truth... that God DOES find them worthy. That God DOES find them capable. That they ARE sufficient in Him.

It's a long road. Painful. The clay in the Potter's Hand has gone dry, and He must work harder to make it malleable, soft, and pliable again. He kneads it, works it, breaks it down to the simplest of forms.

One day, the masterpiece starts to take form again, having been replenished with tears and blood. Tears of healing, repentance, and restoration. The blood of Christ engulfs the new piece of work and makes it new.

Spirits are mended.

Hearts are healed.

Creativity thrives.

Excitement surges.

Joy is found.

Hope becomes vibrant.

Wholeness comes.

Breathe life, Lord Jesus...breathe life into those dry bones...

Our new home!

The new digs - finally a post about our actual house that we're moving to!

We take possession July 31st at 5:00 p.m.

The backyard is a monstrosity, for an in-town lot in a newer

development - this yard rivals most "older neighborhood" yards!

We are looking forward to being done with the move and settling

down again!

Packing is going well - I will be short a few boxes, though, so am

trying to scramble to find some more. I spent two days doing

business paperwork and correspondence, so now I can officially

pack up my office without worrying about what I've missed.

Here are the pictures that were included in the MLS listing!

Exterior front:

Exterior back:

View from our deck off to the east:

Kitchen view - granite countertops!:

Living room (this is not our furniture, and sadly the TV is not staying, either!):

Dining room - again, not our furniture (none of it is in any of these pictures!):

Bonus room above garage - this will be the kids' play room:

Master bedroom:

Ensuite bathroom (please call to book an appointment for using our tub):

Meaghan's room:

The boys' room:

Another view from the deck off to the east:

View of the back of the house, from the other side of the back yard from where the first back-yard picture was taken (as if THAT made any sense!):

Frustrations

I've obviously used that as a title before, because it auto-filled...

Anyway, I need to vent.

I am working my butt off. Taking care of 3 kids all day long... I could set them in front of the TV so I could do "my" thing all day, but I don't. I choose instead to interact with them, to take them to the park, to play outside with them, to read to them, to eat with them... and I love it.

I am still only 10 weeks post-partum.

I am trying to pack a house and move. Most of the packing falls to me.

So I spend 8-10 hours a day being only a Mom and dedicating myself to my kids. Sometimes, with certain items, I am able to get them to help in the packing process. But anyone who has moved with young children knows it's easier to pack without them, thank you very much.

I then spend 2-3 hours in the evenings purging, packing, sorting, cleaning... on top of regular housework, correspondence, and paperwork.

And then I'm made to feel guilty if I want to go for a swim. I haven't been to the pool in....umm, a while. A few days anyway. Maybe it was Wednesday or Thursday last week? Not sure.

Swimming is incredibly healthy for me. It replaces chiropractor visits, massages, anti-inflammatories, and comfort food. And in a time of stress like what we're going through right now (not that I'm complaining about the move, but it IS busier than normal), I need the water therapy. If I don't, I can't function at peak efficiency. Cause, effect.

I love being a mom. I am looking forward to the move. I have packed up our stuff 7 times in 10 years, and I know what it takes to make it all happen. How much time we need, order of events/packing items, etc. We are well on track right now, if not ahead of schedule.

Yet there a lack of trust... "you can't afford to go for a swim because not enough stuff is packed"... "are you sure you have time for _____?"... etc.

My life can't stop just because we're moving. My kids need as much normalcy as possible, and quite frankly, I need a bit of reprieve, too. Isn't that OK? Am I being too selfish?

*Vent over*

Thanks.

The Joy of the Lord

We're doing this song in church tomorrow - I vaguely remember hearing it before, but our young youth pastor (Graeme W.) is leading worship tomorrow and this is one of his favorite songs. Are you kidding me? A youth pastor? A guy? Likes a TWILA PARIS song????

It's a gooder! Have a listen:

Pencil dives and starfish floats

I went out for a swim tonight.

I never really got much into front crawl/freestyle when I was pregnant. By the time I recovered enough from the nasty bronchitis to properly breathe doing freestyle and finish my lessons, I was "too pregnant" for it to feel even remotely streamlined and efficient. I just felt like my belly was dragging me down and I couldn't get a proper position in the water.

Since I got back in the pool a couple of weeks ago, I've gone for a swim every 2-3 days. It's been amazing. I try to keep it short (30-35 minutes) so that I can get home in case Meaghan wakes up. (She never has, by the way.) However, I got brave a couple of swims ago and tried to do more freestyle again. It was fairly positive - I didn't drown, didn't choke, didn't even sputter too many times.

The other night I *gasp* strung two whole lengths of front crawl together. I usually would do one freestyle, one backstroke to recover. But I got brave.

And tonight I decided I felt good enough in the water that I pushed myself and I did THREE WHOLE LAPS in a ROW with freestyle. In all, I did about 40% of my swim as a freestyle.

I know it might not seem like a big deal to some. But to me it is.

I've always been afraid of the water. Part of it is because my eyesight is so poor without glasses (and I can't wear contacts) that I just can't see what I'm doing/where I'm going. I feel unsafe. Another part might have to do with a near-drowning I remember as a child - we were out at a lake as a family and I slipped through the tire tube. So I've always liked to keep my feet on solid ground.

We took one year of swimming lessons as a child. One year. It was out at a little stinky lake (there weren't really any other kinds near our small town!), and it was so cold all week, but I passed "yellow". All I remember is learning how to be a starfish and float, and how to do a pencil dive.

I wonder what kind of swimmer I'd be today if I'd been able to continue lessons? I didn't really like it back then, but I was so afraid of everything... but if I'm enjoying the water this much now and am improving at the rate that I am (learning at my age!), I wonder if I might've stood a chance to become something as a competitive swimmer?

Regardless... I'm glad I am a swimmer now. I don't feel like I can even come close to keeping up with the average person, but maybe I'm wrong! I'm not in it for any sort of competition except to myself... to push myself to do better, go farther, go faster... for me. For my health.

I'm blessed that we have two pools in town; both are about a 15-20 minute drive from here. The big/deep pool (which is the one I normally go to) is only a 6 minute drive from our new house, though. Which means that I'll have an extra 20 minutes to swim in my allotted 1 1/4 hour outing!

A Tender Heart

~A song from today's service; I just learned it on Wednesday, but it's so beautiful... and it's been running through my head ever since... and even moreso now that we've done the song with the congregation! This is my prayer...

Lord, please give me a tender heart,

One that is longing and thirsting for You

Lord, please give me a tender heart,

One that can love and forgive like You do.

May Your love and compassion,

Your mercy and grace,

Be known in my actions,

Be seen on my face;

In all that I say or do,

A tender heart.

Lord, please give me a tender heart,

One that is clothed in humility

Lord, please give me a tender heart,

Filled with Your power and purity.

May Your love and compassion,

Your mercy and grace,

Be known in my actions,

Be seen on my face;

In all that I say or do,

A tender heart.

Mish-Mash

I'm taking a packing break. I'm in my office. Packing. And being distracted by this computer.

Do you see me complaining? Nope.

Baby Girl is sleeping in her swing - my mom bought that for us when we had Joshua. He didn't like it much. After about 10 minutes he'd let out this blood-curdling scream; not a manipulative scream, but more of an 'in-pain' thing. I think it messed with his head, literally. Dustin hated it. We ended up lending it to some friends of ours who had their baby about 5 weeks after Dustin. But Meaghan... she loves it. But she's so content that I forget to use the swing with her. She's in it right now, though, as I pack... and the little sweetie fell asleep. What a honey. So, THANKS MOM! The investment from 5 years ago finally is paying off!

Graeme and the boys are at the park, giving me some space. They went for a bike ride. We worry about Dustin - he's a bit *too* much of a go-getter. He takes off on us constantly, and now that he's mobile on a bike... well, apparently he took off when Graeme was talking to someone, and 300 meters later, Dustin fell and skinned his knee.

Church was.. interesting!...today. I got to help with the worship with Lynette leading; she brought in some of her old Glimpse band (Glimpse of Glory - a worship thing that used to happen in Edmonton years ago - Glimpse was a big deal!), and asked me to sing with them. It was powerful... I felt so humbled and honored... but the service was so disjointed! It was like everyone forgot what they were supposed to do!! The guy doing announcements went missing at the appointed time, the kids' ministry people forgot to come up and pray with the kids, the ushers were in la-la land (or maybe they were waiting for the cue that never came)... it was just all too strange!! It was actually to the point of being embarrassing.

Tomorrow a friend of mine from church is taking the boys for a few hours so I can do more packing and go to Meaghan's 2-month checkup.

Last night I went to the pool again, and swam my 1000m. I'm doing a lot more front crawl/freestyle these days, which feels great!! I have a friend who is going to go with me to help me with technique and stuff. Having only had a few useful lessons (since I was so sick while taking them!), and being pregnant the entire time that I was swimming, I'm sure I have some bad habits or things I can work on. So, I'm looking forward to that.

Meggie is waking up. I need to close up this box, fire up the bbq (boys are on their way home), and give some love to my wee girlie!!

Imperfections

Well, after a perfect day the other day, yesterday went into the tank. Day camps went just fine, but it all went downhill from there.

Departure from G&G's house solicited a massive tantrum, meltdown, whatever you wanna call it, from Joshua... I could rant about this particular one for a while... there were many factors and players...

Wee girlie only slept a total of MAYBE half an hour over an 8-hour period.

My packing/child help bailed on me yesterday afternoon... and with Meggie not sleeping, I got nothing done.. I'm mostly OK with that, however, the day did not go as planned that way.

Worship rehearsal was fun and refreshing, but also tiring. I wore Meaghan and stood on my feet for 3 straight hours. I was exhausted.

Laundry is piling up, given that I'm not home for much of the day these days...

I woke up with a headache and fire in my stomach today....

And thus begins another day. Lord, grant me strength physically and mentally... peace... healing... joy...

A *perfect* day

Our perfect day started last night at around 7:00. Although Graeme was out, I was able to bathe and bed all three kids in record time... this in itself is not a major feat, however, the fact that there was *peace* in the house throughout the process was quite a pleasure.

The kids stayed in bed nicely, Meaghan nursed for what I hoped would be the last time around 8:00, we had a good li'l snuggle, and off to bed she went - off to packing & cleaning *I* went! She slept for over 8 hours again - I can't even remember the last time she slept less than 8 hours aside from that one night she was sick! She nursed and went back down again; we all got up around 7:15, I showered, Graeme got the boys breakfasted and ready to go to day camps, I nursed and dressed Meggie, and the kids and I headed out the door.

Day camp was successful today on all fronts. Joshua behaved himself when cousin Charis left - I didn't blog about it yesterday, but he is SO clingy when people are about to leave; it's to the point where people don't like being around Joshua when it's time to leave because he puts on such a meltdown/pity party/etc. Anyway, we had a good talk about it, and today he was much better. I guess he's decided that he'd rather be remembered as a happy boy by the departed, not a sadsack! Dustin was perfect today - stayed with his group, participated in everything, etc. Meaghan napped on Lynette's couch in her office at church, and had wakey-time snuggles with Monica & Janeen (two other trusted friends). I was able to be a lot more useful today!!

Naps were awesome - all kids down by 1:00, and after an hour I laid down and got a half-hour power nap in, too.

Upon waking, the boys fed me snippets of their snacks (leftover trail mix from Day Camp today) - being goofy and loving and sharing and happy. I loved it.

The boys have been obedient and loving today. They have been responsive to correction and discussions. Meaghan has been loved up by her brothers. She is smiley and easy today. I am happy and blessed.

And it is a rainy day outside... praise God for rain!! ...but also praise Him for happy days despite the greyness outside.

We have someone coming over tonight to look at Graeme's yard equipment - his tractor, sprayer, snow blade, chainsaw, etc - as we can't take it into town with us. Seems like such a shame to have bought all this stuff and now not be able to take it with us. All in its season, though. After they leave, I hope to go for a swim tonight. I powered through a fantastic half-hour swim the other night again; I am LOVING swimming even more now that I'm not pregnant! I'd forgotten how good it feels to exert myself - so exhilarating!

Yes, I am blessed. God is good, gracious, merciful, and giving.

A day of disconnect

It feels like it's been SUCH an odd day! It started last night at 6:00, when Meaghan went down for her nap... I thought she was stirring as I was blogging, but she never did fully wake up, and slept until 5:30 this morning. She fed and went straight back to sleep for another three hours until I had to head out the door for our church's day camps.

Dustin is attending day camp for the first time this year. He did OK for most of the morning, but then got whiny, didn't want to stay with his group, etc. I am volunteering as Camp Mom this week - at least that's what they're calling me! - and so I basically got to roam around, reign in straying children (one of which was my own!), and be an extra pair of hands where necessary. It was an overall fun morning; tomorrow I will be a little less visible to Dustin. Meaghan wouldn't nap in the playpen there, so I ended up wearing her all morning. I was a little hot and sweaty by noon.

Got home, had lunch, and went for naps - once again Meaghan wasn't settling, and I was desperate for some sleep myself, so I plopped her on the sofa next to me and she nursed/slept while I slept. Both boys would've slept the rest of the day away if I'd let them.

In an hour or so I have to leave the house again with all 3 kids in tow to go check out something in our new house - the owners are very gracious and allowing us to go in before possession to take some measurements, etc. I'm excited, yet nervous - I hope the boys decide to be good listeners while we're there!! It'll be a late bedtime again tonight.

Gotta go figure out supper... Dustin wants tuna, but Joshua doesn't. I don't know what I want. I'm constantly hungry, it seems like; my body is not really wanting to do *this* food-restriction thing. I can really get out of control if I'm not careful! So, to stay on track, I use an online program at www. myfitnesspal.com. It's been really amazing for keeping me on the wagon!! It tracks calories and exercise as well as nutrients like fiber, protein, carbs... breaks it down nicely. I used it before I got pregnant with Meaghan, then stopped. Now I'm using it again. I like it.

Anyway... supper.

'Later!

I'd should be packing, but...

.... I'd rather be blogging.

.... my little girlie has been napping since 6:00, and is stirring/waking up.

.... I'd rather be snuggling Meaghan.

.... I've had to deal with two rambunctious little boys who caused some bedtime trouble after Daddy left to go to a movie with a friend.

.... I'd rather be eating (I'd better snuggle Meaghan instead - much more beneficial!)

.... I'm getting allergic reactions to all the dust around here - who knew the places dust could hide? aaaaa-CHOO! I do think bookshelves must be the worst culprits.

I got our bookshelves packed up; well, about 3/4 of them anyway. We are cutting back on the number of books we're taking with us, which means we have a bunch to get rid of. I hope the used bookstore is ready for us!

I went to the pool again early this evening! It was awesome - It's really nice to feel like I'm actually going somewhere in the water! :) I can really push myself now; I don't have to watch for overexertion in pregnancy anymore. I actually could feel myself heating up and sweating in the pool today! It was marvelous. I feel great. I'm so happy to be swimming again.

It was a full and fun day today - church this morning, which was great; the fellowship we are finding there is beyond what we imagined could be. It's so... so... REAL. People actually care about one another. They are so giving - I am so used to being in churches where people are looking out for themselves only; in this place, it surprises me how unselfish people are, overall. And how sad is that, that unselfishness in a Christian community should surprise me...?

We went for lunch with Mike & Christina and their three young daughters (about our kids' ages). It was... interesting. Four adults, 6 kids under the age of 6. Actually, the kids behaved really well, and the babies were perfect. They have a 6-month-old named Madison. Such a honey! Mike is the children's & family life pastor at our church, and we've really enjoyed getting to know them. Oh, the discussions we've had... ha ha ha! And, it appears as though I must *may* get a swimming buddy in Christina!

Okay, okay... I should do up a couple more boxes before hitting the hay early. I'm playing "camp mom" at our Adventure Day Camps (VBS) at our church this week. There will be something like 6 camps running all summer; should be exciting! This is the first year Dustin will be going; due to his potty-training woes, I now have to be there/available. He has been doing much better again, but needs lots of reminders, which I simply can't put on the day camp staff to take on. So, it's me. Meaghan will get to know her wrap really well, I'm sure! :)

Back to the boxes. Maybe Meaghan will surprise me and sleep for a few more hours yet?

Back in the pool

I did it!

I finally got out to the pool again!

It's been way too long... I was hoping to swim to within 2 weeks before Meaghan was born. Well, I think my last swim was April 9th or 15th or somewhere in there... but then I got really tired and could hardly drag my sorry butt up and down the stairs, never mind to the pool.

Then she was two weeks late.

Then I had trouble with extra bleeding post-partum - it would stop for a few days, I'd do a light workout or go for a half-hour walk, and it would start again, so I'd rest, and it would stop after a few days... repeat cycle several times... each time I was told to take it easier and easier... finally my body smartened up and I was given the all-clear to get back in the pool.

Now Meaghan is almost 8 weeks old, and it's been over 2 1/2 months since I've been in the water!

But I did it tonight.

I could have been packing boxes, or doing laundry, or goodness, even going to bed! But I fed Meaghan, prayed she would stay down for the night (turns out she didn't and Graeme had some fun trying to soothe her while I was gone), and left. I just did a quick half-hour swim, but it was the best half-hour swim I've ever had, distance-wise. I feel ah-may-zing.

So I called Graeme when I was back in the car (it's a 15-minute drive home), and he then informed me that Meaghan had been up screaming a couple of times; he spent about half an hour trying to get her back to sleep; she started screaming again, so I told her to 'pinkie' her (i.e. she doesn't take a soother so we use our pinky fingers - works like a charm, and never gets lost!) until I got home.

I got home, found the two of them downstairs watching TV - Meaghan asleep in Daddy's arms, but she woke when she heard my voice. I took her and laid her sweetly back in bed... and she's out.

I guess Daddy didn't need me after all.

:)

This is the thing. I don't give her bottles. I've pumped and attempted a bottle twice - the first time was a failure and the second a success (she had just woken up after her 5-hour stretch of sleep early morning and was starving!). But I just don't really feel right about making that a habit... Graeme's parents are really pressuring me to teach her how to take a bottle, which is probably part of the reason I'm resisting. I can go for a swim after she's in bed, and everyone will live. Sure, it's a little inconvenient to try and pack up our house with a baby around needing to nurse, but really, she provides me with my 15-minute "put my feet up and rest" break every couple of hours when she's awake. It's God's gift to mamas to make us slow down once in a while!

Anyway... laundry calls. It's 11:43. Maybe i can get a load or two folded before bed.

Aches

Strange; after logging onto Blogger this morning, with the intent of grumbling about my aches and pains, I saw that my friend Paige had blogged about her sore knee when running. Poor girl!

So my deal today is that my stomach is on fire.

On. Fire.

It might have to do with a change in diet... or the drink I'm doing in the morning (followed an hour later by green tea)... or stress.... but it feels like I'm getting an ulcer. I don't say this lightly; I've had ulcers before (picture: camera down throat to diagnose with certainty), and I don't like how this feels.

My friend Karen is coming over in about an hour to be with the kids while I start packing. We move in 28 days, and I've gotten two boxes packed. Two. Go, me!

Aching

Meaghan wakes from a nap, and I go in to soothe my lonely and hungry baby.

Her warm body curls into mine, and she immediately melts and relaxes.

And my heart wants to jump out of my chest and forever hold her like this.

I find myself constantly drawn to her.

I want her face etched into my memory.

Her smile.

Her tiny eyelashes when she falls asleep in my arms.

That sweet little nose.

And her lips.

I stroke her tuft of hair.

She is perfect.

I want to press the pause button of her life, and just stay here forever.

I can't bear the thought of forgetting all these little things.

I ache for her.

I want her to grow up knowing and loving and joyfully serving God.

Knowing that her Heavenly Father is all-sufficient.

That He loves her, treasures her, cherishes her.

I want her to know how much she is worth - priceless.

I want her to be strong and courageous.

I remember how unsure I was during my pregnancy with her...

Would I love her?

Would my overwhelm get the best of me?

Would resent her, then?

I was so afraid...

But I love her more than I can even imagine. I am bursting.

My overwhelm is not even coming close to being a factor.

I do not resent her, not in the least.

She is mine for as long as God sees fit to have lent her to me.

And I am not afraid.

God is good.

He knows what He is doing.

He knew what He was doing when Meaghan was conceived.

A surprise to us, but not to Him.

I've decided that I really, really like surprises.