TEN!

Only ten days left...

And I'm sick to boot.  It seems to be a tradition with me... get sick RIGHT before I have a baby.  Thankfully, though, I've always had enough time to get over being sick, and then have a day or two of rest, before going into labour.

I haven't been to the pool in what feels like ages.  I haven't even gone for a walk.  I'm really feeling rather lazy in the exercise department these days.

Got the drapes finished last night!  Pleated, lined with blackout lining...and all done.  What a monstrous job that turned out to be!  Will take and post a picture later... I've got some picture posts coming up, actually...D's birthday party, for starters!  Maybe later today... see?  The lazy bug is kicking in again!

Highs & Lows

Last night I was asked if I would sing with a worship team for church this coming Sunday, and rehearsal was last night.  It worked out well - I would rather have been in Calgary visiting Paige, but with everything that went on with Baby these last few days, my doc wants me to stick closer to home now.  So anyway, rehearsal was last night...and how incredibly refreshing it was!!  

My Good Friday singing went well - rehearsal was a bomb - I forgot some words, but the service singing went phenomenally and I felt like God was right in there - just the way I like it!...  So anyway, I guess our new music pastor was impressed enough (impressed isn't the right word...) that she asked if I'd sing with her for this Sunday.  And...it was SO nice to work with musicians who cared deeply about their skill, but who cared more about their attitudes of worship and about serving their God with the gifts He'd given them, to the best of their abilities.  People treated each other with respect and sensitivity...it was great.  So different from some of the other experiences I've had.

I came home feeling totally refreshed, my fuel tank topped up.

And then I woke up this morning.

Long story, but when the kids go to a certain person's house for more than a couple of hours, I have major attitude issues the next day.  More than just a touch of sassing.  It is frustrating & disheartening... I feel disrespected at some of the things they do with my kids after I've asked them not to, only to find out that they did the exact thing I was so specific about...  Problem is, I will never be able to get away from these people, and I am constantly steamrolled.

So I'm frustrated on two levels.  Kids' attitudes and the fixing thereof, and disrespect coming from the other side of the fence.  

Do I keep the peace, and let this keep happening?

Or do I confront yet again...and find another option?  Breaking the peace again?  Causing strife?  I feel like although I'm the one who is being wronged, that I'm the bad guy if I bring up the issues again.  

I've learned there's a difference between peaceMAKING and peaceKEEPING.  

Peacekeeping - not causing waves.  Letting status quo remain as status quo.  Letting the water go under the bridge...but beneath the surface, it's stormy.  Everyone puts on the happy face for the sake of...who?  What?

Peacemaking - doing what it takes to resolve conflict respectfully and dealing with the issues.  And then trusting that when you deal with the issues, they're dealt with, and that you should never have to revisit those things except for gentle reminders only if necessary.  Being loving, Godly, and respectful.

We've tried the peacemaking.  Several times.  To the point of tears and sweat... trying to 'fix' the issues instead of just sweeping them under the rug.  But it's not working.  So I'm at a loss.

God, intervene...heal...repair...restore...and protect my kids' hearts in the process...

Baby News

I'm home; all is well in Baby-land.

Baby wasn't overly active during the non-stress test, however, the heart rate accelerated more than acceptably when the baby did move.  This made the nurse very happy.  She just wants me to do frequent kick counts - you know, lay down for an hour at a time, relax, and let Baby go crazy.  If I have more spells like I did yesterday, I have to go back for another assessment.  

I understand that the movements will slow down a bit and change as the due date comes near... but the drastic overnight change of movements is what had everyone concerned.

So now I guess I can continue on with making my drapery panels...?

I got all the hospital bags packed (labour bag, baby bag, and 'overnight' bag) this morning.  I even remembered to grab Graeme's pillow - after what happened with Dustin (he slept on two chairs facing each other since there were no cots available, and used his sweater as a pillow), I thought it might be a good thing to have.  I did, however, forget his deodorant.  :)

When I called Graeme an hour after the appointment started, he asked, "Are we having a baby today?"  I told him that we were not, and he replied, "Good, now I can stop feeling like I'm about to throw up!"

Baby

I saw my doctor today...

I was prepared for *the worst*...

The baby hadn't moved to speak of in almost 36 hours.  Some teeny rolls, but that's it.  I remember Jen telling me that with Brennan, she felt him with those gentle rolls even after his sweet heart had stopped beating...apparently something to do with the baby floating in the water... I hope I'm remembering that correctly.  

So yeah, mentally, I was a bit one-track-minded today.

But I was also at peace.

Knowing that God was in control no matter what... that no amount of worrying I could do would change His mind or His will.

I kept thinking, "What are the chances?"  A mama's imagination goes wild in pregnancy at times, especially when someone close to her has suffered tragedy in her own pregnancy.

But my question didn't matter in some ways.... God is still sovereign.  

And then... I heard that heart beat good and strong at 150.  The highest it's been in ages.  An incredible relief.

The doctor is still sending me for a non-stress test tomorrow to make sure that the baby is responding properly to stimulus - Babe was probably just really sleepy and responding to my own lack of rest lately, and so even if s/he is sleepy tomorrow during the test, they have ways of making the little one wake up to get the results they want to see.

And so he wants to also keep a closer eye on me over the next week or so - basically until this baby is born. 

Sometimes I think little scares like this are designed to bring awareness of our faith in God.  Would I trust Him enough to know that He loves me and cares for me, even if He had taken my baby?  How else could I explain the peace that passed my own understanding? 

Breathing sighs of relief and prayers of thanksgiving tonight,

M.

38 weeks and a 3-year-old

I've got two weeks left.  Workouts have gone pretty much out the window by now - haven't swam in a week (I think)...done a walk or two, and some housecleaning, but I'm just pretty bone-weary by the time I actually get a chance to go to the pool...so yeah.  I might just let it all go at this point. I'll consider anything from hereon in a bonus.  And I'm OK with that.  

I'm getting more 'ready' for this wee one every day... a few things here and there.  Graeme hung one of the drapery rods last night (all the windows are the same width), so I could just use that rod as the width template for all the panels for all 3 windows.  I'll probably start actually cutting my material tonight for that.  

Jen came by with baby Kellan today - what a snuggle-bug!!  He is a pretty perfect little guy - good sleeper, good cuddler, laughed at my boys and their antics... ha ha!  I fell in love instantly, of course.  Jen also brought me her mei-tai to look at and try - I quite liked it, although it didn't fit very well over my belly! - and brought me a nursing cape (bigger than the ones I already have, which I liked - more coverage!) and an extra moby wrap for me to use.  YAY!  I'm very excited - thanks, Jen!

Tonight we made birthday waffles for Dustin.  Although we had his party two days ago, his actual birthday is today.  He mostly ate strawberries, and was terrified of the sparklers, but we had a fun day.  What a special little guy!!

Dustin, our first night home from the hospital - he was only about 18 hours old:

The Gentle Healer

The gentle Healer came into our town today

He touched blind eyes and their darkness left to stay

But more than their blindness, he took their sins away

The gentle Healer came into our town today.

The gentle Healer came into our town today

He spoke one word, that was all He had to say

And the one who had died just rose up straight away

The gentle Healer came into our town today.

Oh he seems like just an ordinary man

With dirty feet and rough but gentle hands

But the words He says are hard to understand

And yet He seems like just an ordinary man.

The gentle Healer, He left our town today

I just looked around and found He'd gone away

Some folks from town who followed Him, they say

That the gentle Healer is the Truth, the Life, the Way.

Purple Party Prepping

I am giddy over Dustin's sweet little purple party!!  The cake is baked and decorated, the groceries are bought, the house is decorated courtesy of Graeme and the boys (they hung streamers from various doorways as "curtains" - how genius!)...the house is clean, and the boys are napping.

I need to make sandwiches and juice, Graeme needs to go pick up the balloons in 20 minutes, and I need a shower and a belly-rest.  I also need to wrap D's gift - a while back I bought him a froggie backpack which he is going to LOVE!, and a little baseball mitt and a little transformer.  We also got him a sleeping bag so that he can camp out with Daddy, too, hopefully this summer.  That's his 'big' gift.  

I can't wait - but only 2 hours until the crews start arriving...better get onto that little rest!

Insanity??

So, with Baby coming *soon*, I feel a lot of pressure.

Nope, thankfully not *the* pressure that signals prelabour.  Whew!  I'm not ready!

It's just that...I feel like, in a lot of ways, I'm not allowed to feel (physically) like I'm almost 8 1/2 months pregnant.  It's a long story.  ...pressures from others who think I should cram more into my days than I already am...and then they lay on a guilt trip when I say that (insert event here) might not work out because I'm about to have a baby and the timing is terrible.

That aside, it is going to be a busy couple of weeks.  We've had some renovations happening in our basement this past week - to the tune of mudding, taping, and sanding 3 rooms in the basement.  There's dust EVERYWHERE!!  So Graeme, bless his heart, spent 2 1/2 hours cleaning down there tonight so that we could use the basement for Dustin's purple party on Saturday.

Tomorrow - I sing in our Good Friday service.  I'm looking forward to some good family time as well.

Saturday - D's purple party!!

Sunday - Easter service, Easter dinner.

Monday - JEN IS COMING TO VISIT!!!!!!  :)   :)   :)

Maybe I'll even get a workout in there somewhere, but at this stage, I'm feeling pretty tired, so I'm not putting any pressure on myself to run any marathons or swim any oceans.

I still have a lot to do on my to-do list, but the most important things are done, I think... last night we finalized some baby names!!  I'm very excited about that!  I'm also excited about doing Dustin's purple party on Saturday.  What a cutie - he's so excited about the color purple these days!

Maybe next week I'll get to finishing up some sewing...?

Baby Pool Update again

Baby pool final list:

You'll have to click on the picture to make it bigger, I think - I hope that works, 'cuz 

it's kind of hard to see in this shot even though I told it to upload it LARGE!!

For the record - I hope that anyone from Jen and onward is correct... I need all the time I can get!!  :)

Baby Pool Update

Out of 25 entries, only 8 predictions were for a boy!!  I guess people are pulling for us to have a girlie!!  

My favorite entry was from my sister in law; she said that I'd have a 13 lb 5 oz girlie.  A typo, she said... ha ha!!  I let her change it; if this kid was going to be that big, I'd just book the O.R. right now.  

Will tabulate and write out all the entries properly tomorrow!

Only 3 weeks left!

(EEK!)

Ups & Downs

I'll start with the negative stuff:

I'm tired.  Even Graeme said I looked tired today; that I shouldn't go swimming tonight.  "You're not being lazy, you're actually really looking too tired.  Stay home."  OK.  I did.

My swim last night was terrible - the worst I've had in over a month.  Painful, every stroke a misery, and only about 1/3 of what I'd intended to do.

My back is in constant pain - sometimes the pain is worse than others, but it's always there.

Now for the positive:

The boys went swimming with their Daddy & Grampa yesterday.  They had SUCH a blast!!  Joshua is such a trooper - jumping off the diving board, and now swimming to the edge of the pool by himself after he jumps in; using the tarzan rope... they got home, ate supper, and slept like absolute rocks last night.

We had a good day today.  Got out for a family walk after Graeme got home from work.  Then the boys went for a bike ride with Daddy while I finished making supper.

The weather is sooooo amazing.

I've been asked to sing a song - a cappella - for our Good Friday service.  I was honored...a little scared...but totally honored, humbled, and dumbstruck.  :)  I'm really looking forward to it.  I told Lynette that the last place I wanted to be was smack in the middle of the stage when I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant... the last thing I want is all eyes on me.  When I heard the song, I bawled.  It deserves invisibility on the part of the singer.  So I'll probably sit on a stool on the side of the platform or something like that.  

Tonight I didn't get much work done, but last night I got all our taxes finished.  I'm very pleased about that!

I'm going to bed early.  "Early" being 10:35.  Like, as soon as I finish this post, I'm hitting the hay!

Baby is moving lots.  What a little kickboxer!!  Not as rough on me as Dustin was, though, for which I am truly thankful!  But this wee one is very busy regardless.  This baby also has the hiccups a LOT - Joshua had lots of hiccups, but Dustin did not.  Maybe this one'll sleep like Joshua did, too??  

Tomorrow I have another prenatal appointment.  I'm down to once a week now; it feels like I was *just* there!

We are getting closer to picking baby names.  Graeme has now done "his job" and gone through the books, as I had.  :)

I'm well into planning Dustin's birthday party.  The cutie wants a purple birthday party... not Cars, not Nemo, not Spiderman... but purple.  Hey, I'm all for the non-commercialism of 'purple'!  Not to mention the fun I had at the dollar store yesterday!

My prayer for these next 3 weeks is that I remain sane, that I can accomplish many tasks without losing my mind, that I can be a good wife & mama to my hubby & boys, that I can be mostly comfortable, but above all, that I would be able to draw on God as my strength at all times, especially when I have none of my own.  

Jesus Name Above All Names pt 2

The little singers... a duet!!

Jesus Name Above All Names pt 1

The 'clunking' is Dustin hitting the wall with the rocking chair... 

You dial-uppers probably won't be able to view this...sorry!

Enjoy!

Little Helper

I love it when Dustin helps me with bread - this one is Amish Friendship Bread:

Workouts Down!

So, I've definitely realized that I'm not going to meet my over-zealous workout goals for the last 7 weeks of this pregnancy (as per my to-do list).

But this is how my workouts have looked since I posted that list:

March 9-15:

9th - swimming 1000m

10th - weights 40 min

13th - swimming 1000m

14th - swimming 1000m

March 16-22:

16th - swimming 1500m

20th - swimming 2000m, & vigorous housecleaning (I'm getting desperate to fill my quota!)

March 23-29:

23rd - swimming 1000m

24th - swimming 2000m

26th - walk 2 miles

27th - swimming 1500m

28th - vigorous housecleaning

March 30-April 3 (yesterday):

30th - weights 40 min (has it really been almost 3 weeks?  YIKES!)

walk 2 miles

swim 1000m

31st - walk 2 miles

3rd - weights 40 min

walk 2 miles

swim 1500m

This leaves me with the following remaining before Baby is due in 3 weeks (and a bit):

• Swimming - 4 sessions (however, once I pass that 4 sessions, the extras will go into the cardio category)
  
• Weights - 11 sessions (might be doable, but that would be more than 3 per week!)
  
• Extra Cardio - 18 sessions (ummm...maybe if I walk every single day for 2 miles...?)
  

Yeah. Probably not gonna happen.  :)  Still, though, this is probably the most consistent I've been in years... maybe substitute the word "consistent" with, umm, "DESPERATE!!"??  Desperate for...what?  Health, I guess.  Desperate not to gain too much weight, since I started out overweight (about 20-30 lbs more than I should've).  Desperate to feel good.  Desperate to have energy.  Desperate to be tired enough (in the good sense of the word) that I can sleep and not have my restless legs wake me up). 

Desperate to 'bounce back' better this time.  To have the endorphins flowing so that the post-partum period is more energetic and 'happy' than last time around. 

Desperate for a faster and easier labour.  I think that's where this all started, actually.

I hope the investment pays off for at least one of these goals!!

Keep 'em coming

BTW, keep the baby pool guesses coming - post your comment here!

Updates

Some random thoughts...

My to-do list is getting closer to being done.  Finished are:

• Big Cook
  
• Packing away unused little boy clothes.
  
• 21st of March friend gathering
  
• Cleaning out and reorganizing 5 closets (this one felt good!)
  
• Getting baby's room ready (although that wasn't on the original list, I realized it was a huge project; getting dipes ready, reassembling crib, rearranging furniture, etc).
  
• Sew a sling (I finished it last night - will make a separate post about the journey thereof)
  
• Some more swimming & weights & cardio, although I don't have my tally sheet in front of me, so I can't give exact numbers.  I know I will fall short for sure on the weights & cardio, but will probably meet my swimming goals.
  

I've been sick these last few days again (which really puts a cramp in my workout regime).  Started with nighttime nausea, but now has persisted throughout the day as well.  Not fun.  

The boys are being very disobedient and defiant and difficult to deal with, which is taking a further toll on me.  They are spending a lot of time, alone, in their rooms today - Dustin in the middle room for separation's sake.  I'm at a loss for what to do with them and what to do about their behavior.  Joshua is lovingly whispering to Dustin about how to disobey Mommy.... time-outs don't work, talking doesn't work, extra exercise doesn't work (to wear them down!), extra chores don't work (not that I want to use chores as a discipline tool), taking away privileges isn't working, and spanking doesn't work (not that we rely on that one a lot, but sometimes a swat on the pants at least gets their attention), and I don't *yell* or scream at them, as much as my sin nature sure wants to...  We talk about correction and why we need it, we pray, we discuss, we play, they get a lot of quality time with us, but they still are determined to do the very things that we *just* asked them not to.  Like kicking the ball in the kitchen.  Or stepping on each other.  Or sticking food in their ears.  Or throwing food (you should've seen the look on Joshua's face when I took his lunch away and sent him for an early nap...but did it work at the next mealtime?  Nope.)  Or screaming.  Or sassing.  Or, or, or...

Somebody HELP!

Guesses?

I just realized, after Paige commented about guessing the weight of this Baby, that I should do as Jen did, and start a baby pool!  No money involved, of course, but maybe...something...like a phone call...sorry, I'm not feeling very creative, I even stole that idea from Jen's blog when she was expecting Kellan!

So, comment on this post... baby's birth day (and even time, if you want!), sex, and weight.  It's always fun to see what people guess!!

Compact questions

I have to say I'm laughing at the 'compact' comments... hee hee...  :)  I certainly don't *feel* compact a lot of the time!!

But if this is compact, yes.  This is how I always carry.  I'm bigger than I was with Joshua at this point, though - he was 8 lbs 15 oz.  I'm probably a bit smaller than I was with Dustin - or at least I feel smaller - even though I am measuring a week ahead of 'schedule'.  Dustin was 8 lbs 13 oz.  It will be interesting to see how this baby 'measures up' on D-day!

Thank you for the encouragement!  :)

In other news... anyone ever feel really nauseous in the weeks before having baby?  I thought that perhaps the first two nights of nausea were due to me drinking tea right before bed, which I normally don't do.  However, last night I didn't drink anything, and I was a disaster.  This is new to me; usually I'm all about mid-line separation and heartburn pain.  But nausea returning in the last month?  Strange...  indeed...  The first couple of days, it also subsided with the ingestion of breakkies, but not today... I feel just as gross as I did at 2 a.m. last night.  

I think I'll make some raisin bread with the boys today.  

Succumbing to the threats

'Nuff said?

I've been receiving e-mail threats, coercing me into taking a baby-belly picture and posting it, *or else*...

So I got Graeme to take one tonight, outside, so that y'all can see how Baby looks.

All went well at today's appointment - heart rate was 142, and I was *lucky enough* to have not just one, but two internal-type things today.  He was so busy talking while he was checking me (I could've told him that nothing was going on!) that he forgot to do the Group B Strep swab that they're supposed to do around 36 weeks.  I told him he'd better make this up to me!!  (He laughed.)

So anyway, yes.  No 'internal' changes that would signal Baby's soon arrival.  I would've been more surprised if there were any 'signs'...historically I need to have several hours of early labour before I even start to dilate.  These women who are 3 or 4 cm dilated a week before they go into labour?  HA!  Nope.  Not me.

All is well.  No weight gain again (breathing sigh of relief).  I got my walking papers today, and discovered with surprise that I haven't gained any weight (net) since my February 3rd appointment - sure, I've gone up and down, but the last 3 weeks have been the same as my Feb 3rd appt.  He is not concerned, as I also am not; I have enough of my own that I can afford to not gain anything.  I am eating healthy enough and exercising regularly, which is certainly contributing to keeping my weight in check, and I feel great overall (aside from significant back pain these days).  Now just watch, next week I'll be up 5 lbs or something horrendous like that...

I'm feeling blessed! - now back to work!